Just Chuck

Killing Kittens

2011-04-17T22:12:00.001-04:00

I have some friends who can't help but hit the forward button to everyone in their e-mail address book everytime they get the cutesy e-mails of fluffy kittens or "A Prayer for You."

I finally drafted this e-mail and hit "Reply All" to their most recent posts - sending the word to just about 100 strangers.

Dear Group E-mail sender,

Regarding E-hugs, I prefer them in person with people I know and not a group-hug shared with the cold and electronic addresses in your Cc line.
The E-Prayer, E-Angel or E-Jesus that you send eventually ends up in my E-Trash. I then get the option to "Delete Jesus Forever? [Yes] [No]" Hmmm. Decisions, decisions. Why would you do that to Jesus?
When forwarding pictures of adorable puppies and kittens please do not forget to include the recipes.
Let me spoil it for you. That promise of a "really cool thing" that happens to your screen after you forward an e-mail to ten people? -- you're disappointed,
3 people get pissed off,
3 people deleted it without reading it,
2 people have your address blocked from sending them e-mails,
1 address is undeliverable, and
1 idiot forwards it to 10 more people. Cool, huh?
I have automatic withholding from every paycheck, with a final rendering no later than April 15th each year and do not need to be reminded to "support our troops."
You said if you don't get that [e-mail wish] back from me you'll "know I'm not your friend." So why do you keep sending them? I thought I was being clear.
If you're worried about God being removed from politics and schools, do not fear. Have faith that she is where she pleases.
The stories of serendipity and random acts of kindness taste great, but are less filling than a quasi-cash deposit to my pay-pal account. ( It's so easy, Sign up for a PayPal account at www.paypal.com Click the Send Money tab, Enter an amount, and the recipient's address mine is poizniv@gmail.com )
I can pretty much guarantee you that by fate, luck, chance, kismet, destiny, happenstance, coincidence, predestination, faith or a willing god, faerie, spirit, sprite, God or Goddess that something good, bad or indifferent will happen to you whether or not you forward this e-mail to the number of people of your choice.

Chuck Walker

Your Nature Name?

2011-04-17T07:42:00.005-04:00

I would have to say that the biggest things I accomplished yeterday is the discovery of my true Indian name.

Nevermind that I'm Scottish. Everyone should have a name that connects them to Nature - I think - so instead of calling it an Indian name, I'll call it a Nature Name.

Mine may be "Naps with Cats."

There is a HUGE difference between taking a catnap, and taking a nap with cats. I highly recommend the latter.

Exhaustive studies, which were quite refreshing, conducted in my own home, have led me to the conclusion that one sleeps better, deeper, longer, and more snuggly with a cat stretched out on or beside you.

And that's what I did yesterday. It may also help that yesterday was rain rain rain.

Well, I did make a good-sized list of things to do and, let's see, . . . I did three and a quarter of them. Groceries, Bills, Laundry, Bank, Knit. (Laundry and knit are still incomplete).

I will consult the great list today as well.

Stream of Consciousness

2011-04-16T08:10:00.003-04:00

Now I find I have time on my hands and no list.

It's my first day of spring break. What to do?

I have lots of creative projects and must-get-done projects and I don't know where to start because I don't have list.

I promised I'd start journaling more and would try a little stream of consciousness writing to see if I could give myself a little direction.

I have been living without a LIST for quite a while now. That doesn't mean I've been idle. It just means that I've been only just getting through without working toward any well-defined goals.

After I finish my coffee today I'll sit and begin making some good lists. Then I'll go back and prioritize and make sublists.

Paint, knit, bills, construction, yard, home, clean, bills, groceries, recycling, family, letter writing, lesson planning, blogging, Prissmas, career planning, . . .

I'm not sure where to start.

Fortunately it's a foggy rainy day so napping will have to be added to the list.

Laundry, new glasses, dental appointment, storage space, reading for fun, book study, recipes, . . .

If I don't have a good list in place soon, before I know it, I'll find myself in my first teacher's summer sitting in this same spot doing the same thing.

Clean Jeep, new Jeep top?, design knit patterns, witch's garden, pagan studies, tarot, . . .

All these things jump in and out of my head while I drive to and from work each weekday, and once I get home, all I want to do is go to bed with a book.

My first thought each workday morning is "Today is [insert day] so I must . . ."

My first thought each weekend is "I overslept! No, wait. No school today so I must . . ."

Know myself. Know my craft. Learn. Apply knowledge with wisdom. Achieve balance. Keep my words in good order. Keep my thoughts in good order. Celebrate life! Attune with the cycles of the earth. Breathe and eat correctly. Exercise the body. Meditate. Respect the energy. (Goals of a witch.)

I also have to remember things that I promised to do for other people, like post the Bush family confession - where did I put that?

This is the most disorganized I've been in quite a while. "Time keeps on slippin', slippin' into the future."

The very first item on my list should be love my husband . . .

Play with my dogs, pet my cats, mark a meandering path through the hillside, rake up the acorns, twigs, and leaves, move some rocks, clear the porch, plant signs in the garden, what to plant with bulbs? . . .

Determine to be happy - celebrate life - enjoy the little things -

Post blog entry and finish coffee.

Focus

2010-07-13T10:28:00.002-04:00

I'm listing things in my journal that I like to do.
I swear I'm ADD, because there is such an eclectic list and when I pack my "activity bag" for the day, there's far too much in it than I could ever get to.

I pack my bag for work, in case it's a slow day, and the things I have in there are often knitting, laptop for writing/blogging/playing games, my herbalism book and journal, tarot cards, and much more.

So at work, the laptop is open to a video game, the journal is on the counter, the knitting is on the corner and I hop from task to task to task, never actually making a dent in anything.

I'm at a point now (similar to last December) where I must pare down my activities to a more organized focus. Can I do it? Right now I've got the blog open in front of me, the journal beside me, knitting and tarot behind me and a yard full of landscaping outside waiting for me. When will I get to meditation, bills, and crafts?

I hate to create an activity schedule for myself, but I think that's what it's leading toward.

Okay, Something's Gotta Give

2009-12-26T21:46:00.002-05:00

I have been living on the edge.

Three weeks of no school and no running commentary in my brain of what's due next or what must be read or written or filled out. It's been bliss.

I've been rediscovering the Chuck of 3 years ago--the Chuck that has lots of interesting things to do. I pulled out old projects, old hobbies, old books and covered the dining room table. The coffee table. The buffet, the guest room bed.

I look at all these things and think, "what will I do today?" It's overwhelming. It's amazing. It's wonderous. It's fractured. It's scary. I love it.

Being a Gemini, I'm going to have a conversation with myself this week. The other side of my personality is saying "There's just too much. Something's gotta give."

I'm going to have a serious conversation with myself.

"Yes, all of this other stuff is fun, but you have responsibilities as well. Wouldn't it be nice to see the floor? Wouldn't it be nice if the bedroom didn't smell like three dogs, two bears, and a cat? What about the litter that's blown into the side yard? How about putting up some cedar shakes at the cottage, marking the driveway, or clearing out the scrap wood? And when was the last time you poop scooped the dog run?"

Okay, okay, okay. Let's make some lists. Let's make some exhaustive lists. You like lists. We can split them up. Some for me and some for you. But let's not get strict about it.

"Well, if we're not strict about it, how can we be sure to balance fun with responsible?"

Do we have to?

"I think we should. In fact, we should probably be even MORE responsible."

But I've BEEN responsible. I got all A's. I worked hard, I wrote a lot and read a lot and put up with a lot. Why can't I just watch movies, knit, read, and nap?

"You've been doing that for three weeks. AND you have to get a job. I'll give you until 2010. January 1st we start ticking things off of MY list."

I won't like it.

"Yes I will."

He's Baaaaaack ! ! ! !

2009-12-09T17:14:00.002-05:00

I'm sure that this dusty old thing (the blog, not me) has fallen off of your radar screens, but here I am again.

I am DONE ! (For now.) With college. Yesterday I did the last thing I had to do. I need create no more, turn in nothing else, and neither write nor read for obligation (at the moment).

All I have to do now is sit back and wait (and fret) for the grades to come in (Christmas), the teaching certificate to be approved (January to March), and the degree to be printed (May).

My summer reading list was nothing compared to what I read in the last quarter. Visit www.gliterature.blogspot.com to get an idea. (Then tell me what you think.)

Student teaching had its downs and ups, but I've found I actually do like middle school kids. They weren't the hellions everyone said they were, and oh, the potential there!

Okay, no more talk of school and schooling (and I won't EVEN go into job hunting).

My new year resolution for the past couple years has been boiled down to one word.

2008 - Simplify
2009 - Finish
2010 - Family

It's the year of the family. For the past 3 years I have been woefully out of contact with family and friends who are family, so this coming year I'm going to do something about it.

I'm going to write letters.
I'm going to send cards.
I'm going to visit.
I'm going to call.

I'm fairly certain I've missed EVERYONE's birthdays for the past three years (and NO, I'm not knitting any retroactive gifts).

(I actually still owe Tammy TWO gifts - one promised for killing the most bunnies and one for her last birthday. I haven't forgotten ! )

College obligations are slowly draining from my mind (contented sigh) and the creative Chuck is coming back to life.

I have fleeting visions of writing, painting, knitting, meditating, oh the places we'll go.

Summer Reading List

2009-07-02T12:12:00.002-04:00

I have perused
1000 Places to See before You Die by Patricia Schultz
Not In Kansas Anymore: A Curious Tale of How Magic is Transforming America by Christine Wicker.

I have read
Simple Spells for Success by Barrie Dolnick
Mirror, Mirror by Gregory Maguire
The Crow: Temple of Night by S.P. Somtow
Dead Sleep by Greg Iles

School's out for the Summer!

2009-05-11T10:07:00.002-04:00

Not quite a week since I finished my last Final Exam of the Spring Semester . . .

I have perused 1000 Places to See before You Die by Patricia Schultz and Not In Kansas Anymore: A Curious Tale of How Magic is Transforming America by Christine Wicker.

I have read Simple Spells for Success by Barrie Dolnick and Mirror, Mirror by Gregory Maguire.

I have visited Green Man and cleaned up some scrap wood and made work plans for my next visit.

I have sketched, sanded, cut, and started painting a VIP Lounge sign for JL.

I have taken a nap, stayed up late, fell asleep early, played cards, and knitted.

All in all it's been a fabulous near week.

Now I'm going to pay some bills and figure out what to do with the rest of the morning before work.

Daydreaming

2009-04-16T10:08:00.003-04:00

I'm in the library working on a paper . . .

But I've stopped to daydream about the Summer.

I would like to:

Finish the Bunny Board
Paint a bit on the canvas (The Bath)
Knit
Read for pleasure
Open the windows and air out the house
Go camping at Green Man
Get a roof and doors on Green Man Cottage
Get a porch up to the front door of the cottage
Plot my circular garden
Finish Sarah's socks

Prissmas is Saturday!

2009-04-13T08:10:00.003-04:00

Don't forget! ! ! !

This Saturday is PRISSMAS!

It's the holiday dedicated to "I Told You So."

So put on your aprons and leis and pull out all the times you bit your tongue this year and let loose!

Burn something. Spit cheap liquor into it.

Paint a dead tree pink and decorate it with crabs and rats.

To Do List - 11 Days to Go

2009-01-01T10:20:00.002-05:00

DONE
Bobbie Jo's scarf
Mandy's scarf
SOMETHING for Cat.
Catch up with the girls.
Doubleknit project of mine (I frogged it).
Daydream.
Clean up the yard. (As much as I could without the clippers.)
Start and finish a knitting project for ME! (I'm taking it off the list)
Rearrange the furniture.
Sort my yarn stash.
Laundry.
Watch movies.
Go for a walk.
Finish that book.
Refine my online personas
Journey to Jupiter
New Bar Prices

WORKING
Socks for Sarah. (only one 2/3s done)
Clean the hell out of the house.
Declutter, putting everything in its place.

YET TO START
Buy my Spring semester books.
Nap.
Juggle my credit card bills.
Plan the circular garden at the cottage.
Maybe find a letterbox.
Pull together my teacher portfolio.
Get acquainted with the PRAXIS II tests.
Pub Crawl in Buffalo
ISIS puzzle
Painting
New Bar models

18 Days to Go

2008-12-26T08:35:00.003-05:00

I was working so diligently to get the final knitting projects done for Christmas (that Judeo Christian religious holiday that supplanted Yule) that I haven't thought beyond the 25th. It came as a complete surprise to me that I have to work on the day after.

My SUPER deadlined knitting projects are done and I should probably tackle something around the house. Fiddle dee dee. Maybe another cup of coffee before I decide what to do next.

DONE
Bobbie Jo's scarf
Mandy's scarf
SOMETHING for Cat. She got these.

WORKING
Catch up with the girls.
Doubleknit project of mine.
Socks for Sarah. (only one 2/3s done)
Daydream.
Clean up the yard.
Start and finish a knitting project for ME!
Clean the hell out of the house.
Declutter, putting everything in its place.
Watch movies.
Laundry.
Rearrange the furniture.
Sort my yarn stash.

YET TO START
Go for a walk.
Finish that book.
Buy my Spring semester books.
Nap.
Juggle my credit card bills.
Plan the circular garden at the cottage.
Maybe find a letterbox.
Pull together my teacher portfolio.
Get acquainted with the PRAXIS II tests.
Refine my online personas

Fun things I've added, but probably shouldn't have, but am going to anyway!
Pub Crawl in Buffalo
ISIS puzzle
Painting
Journey to Jupiter
New Bar Prices
New Bar models

What Have I Been Up To?

2008-12-15T09:57:00.003-05:00

Winter semester of Shepherd is finally done. My last exam was Thursday. Whew. Now I just sit and wait for the final grades to be posted.

I'm hopeful but not confident. So no fretting, because it's not productive.

Speaking of not productive.

I worked Friday and Saturday, so yesterday was my first day of unscheduled bliss.

For six hours straight I played Killer Bunnies and the Journey to Jupiter. Two games in six hours. I won the first one and Captain Nerdulon won the second.

Captain Nerdulon is Rick. We have assigned this name because we feel like such geeks when we argue the finer points of play. Imagine the white tape on our glasses that we push up constantly with one finger while we make awkward snorting sounds and say something like "The Beyea aliens are locked onto your ship. Until it's destroyed you can't launch another ship into space. You should use your long-range transporter to transfer your bunnies and markers to the armor-plated ship that has a die power of ten as soon as it comes into a direct line of sight. Now let's move the planets."

That was yesterday. After Captain Nerdulon left, I sat down to knit some more. I couldn't hold out. I started a new project on Thursday and have been neglecting the older projects that are still on needles.

I work again tonight, so I'm torn between raking the yard, cleaning house, and sitting on my but knitting. Oh, and I have a book I could read.

This four week break is going to go by so quickly.

On the needles...

Bobbie Jo's scarf (need to add fringe)
Mandy's scarf (need to knit about 2/3s more)
Doubleknit project of mine.
Socks for Sarah. (only one 2/3s done)
SOMETHING for Cat. She's been begging me to knit her something and I was eager to start a new project. I think it's really neat, and not my colors at all.

Okay so my list of things to do in four weeks (school starts again four weeks from today).

Finish those five knitting projects.
Start and finish a knitting project for ME!
Clean up the yard.
Go for a walk.
Clean the hell out of the house.
Declutter, putting everything in its place.
Daydream.
Laundry.
Rearrange the furniture.
Finish that book.
Buy my Spring semester books.
Nap.
Catch up with the girls.
Watch movies.
Juggle my credit card bills.
Plan the circular garden at the cottage.
Sort my yarn stash.
Maybe find a letterbox.
Pull together my teacher portfolio.
Get acquainted with the PRAXIS II tests.
Refine my online personas.

The End of Summer

2008-10-17T08:07:00.002-04:00

I know, we're already well into Fall, but Samhain is fast approaching and that means "summer's end."

I feel better today than I have in quite a while and I don't know if I'm simply in denial of all that needs to be done or if I'm actually in a good place.

I slept in this morning, much to the dismay of Blue (the cat), and I'm sure to the annoyance of my husband. (Just how many times CAN one push the snooze alarm?)

I did eventually get up, let the dogs (and cat) out, set the coffee maker brewing, showered, and sipped coffee. I got my schoolbooks together and headed out the door about 30 minutes later than usual.

I drove to campus and watched the sky lighten up in the east and daydreamed a little about a future art project.

I really didn't feel pressed for time or effort this morning.

I do believe I'm working in an ignorance as bliss sort of mode right now. I don't KNOW of anything that is due immediately for any of my classes because I've not looked at my syllabus since turning in all the stuff that was due this week.

Ahhhhhhh. (Contented sigh.)

I will take all of my folders to work with me tonight and plot out on the lap top all that is due and when it is due for the rest of the semester and try to get a little ahead here and there.

Just to share with anyone who happens to visit...

Today,
Finances: all the month's bills are in the mail, gas tank's full.
School: whatever was due is turned in. Midterms are over.
Home: it's a little messy, but comfortably so.
Heart: he loves me and I love him.
Friends: wonderfully patient and looking forward to spending time with them

8-Ball Outlook? Good.

Read a Banned Book Week !

2008-09-24T06:18:00.003-04:00

This list of banned books is from Randomhouse.com

BOOKS FOR YOUNG PEOPLE

LYNNE REID BANKS
Indian in the Cupboard

JUDY BLUME
Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret.
Blubber
Deenie
Tiger Eyes

JAMES LINCOLN COLLIER AND CHRISTOPHER COLLIER
Jump Ship to Freedom
War Comes to Willy Freeman

CAROLINE B. COONEY
The Face on the Milk Carton

ROBERT CORMIER
The Chocolate War
Beyond the Chocolate War
Fade
We All Fall Down

ROALD DAHL
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
James and the Giant Peach

LOIS DUNCAN
Killing Mr. Griffin

S. E. HINTON
Taming the Star Runner
Tex

ANNETTE KLAUSE
Blood and Chocolate

LOIS LOWRY
The Giver
The Anastasia Krupnik Series
Anastasia Krupnik
Anastasia Absolutely
Anastasia Again
Anastasia at This Address
Anastasia at Your Service
Anastasia Has the Answers
Anastasia on Her Own
Anastasia’s Chosen Career
Anastasia, Ask Your Analyst

GARY PAULSEN
Harris and Me
Nightjohn

ROBERT NEWTON PECK
A Day No Pigs Would Die

PHILIP PULLMAN
The Golden Compass
The White Mercedes

THOMAS ROCKWELL
How to Eat Fried Worms

LOUIS SACHAR
The Boy Who Lost His Face

ZILPHA KEATLEY SNYDER
The Headless Cupid

THEODORE TAYLOR
The Cay

BOOKS FOR ADULTS

ISABEL ALLENDE
House of the Spirits

MAYA ANGELOU
I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings

MARGARET ATWOOD
Handmaid's Tale

RAY BRADBURY
Fahrenheit 451

DAN BROWN
Da Vinci Code

PAT CONROY
Water is Wide

BRYCE COURTENAY
Power of One

BRET EASTON ELLIS
American Psycho

RALPH ELLISON
Invisible Man

WILLIAM FAULKNER
As I Lay Dying

ERNEST J. GAINES
A Lesson Before Dying

ROBERT GRAVES
I Claudius

DAVID GUTERSON
Snow Falling on Cedars

JOHN IRVING
A Prayer for Owen Meany

JAMES JOYCE
Ulysses

MALCOLM X
Autobiography of Malcolm X

TONI MORRISON
Bluest Eye

VLADIMIR NABOKOV
Lolita

TIM O'BRIEN
Things They Carried

CHUCK PALAHNIUK
Choke

BORIS PASTERNAK
Doctor Zhivago

MICHAEL POLLAN
Botany of Desire

PHILIP ROTH
Portnoy's Complaint

SALMAN RUSHDIE
Satanic Verses

WILLIAM STYRON
Sophie's Choice

THE FREEDOM WRITERS
Freedom Writers Diary: Movie-Tie-In

KURT VONNEGUT
Slaughterhouse-Five

Killer Bunnies Board

2008-08-11T16:00:00.007-04:00

It's just a card game. Really.

The girls turned us on to it.

The goals are :

1) Get a carrot and

2) Have at least one bunny alive at the end of the game.

Once all the booster packs are acquired, you have an 11.5 inch stack of cards a bunch of dice, pawns, stuff, detritus, and other stuff.

Playing the game gets spread all over a table and there's no set spot for draw, discard, dead bunnies, used weapons, money, cabbage, etc.... so. While others are devising a carrying case, (which was pretty cool) I devised a board...

The black box in the middle is modeled after the Minilith (Bunny geeks would understand). It's about a foot tall and holds all of the cards. It's removable from the board center for easy carrying. And can lay on it's side on the board with a lid over the whole board, hat box sized.

The lid for the minilith, (pictured unpainted below), also doubles as a cribbage-style peg board on the inside for keeping track of which player killed the most bunnies. That's not really part of the game, but we're morbid that way.

This area is fashioned after the Carrot Top Casino (Bunny Geeks would also know this joint), and it's where the dice and detritus sit until needed.

There's a spot for everything I could think of . . .the Carrot/Zodiac/Mysterious Place cards are in the chest on the bank side under the starter cards. And the toxic compost pile for used cabbage/water/defense cards is on the other side.

The whole thing is on a lazy susan. I have more painting to do - like scared worshipping bunnies near the minilith, zombie bunnies in the dead bunny spot, etc. - and may hand it off to the girls to paint while I'm in school.

And here it is in play, featuring a great friend of mine.

Fan Mail

2008-08-04T07:06:00.002-04:00

I just got a great e-mail from Z in New York. He's a borderline online stalker. (Just kidding.)

He stumbled across my blog a while back, internet surfing for some song lyrics and hit upon my page.

He wrote to me to tell me that he found and read and thoroughly enjoyed it. The craziness, the friends, the hobbies, the fun.

(I'm blushing now.)

Here's why I bring it up...(aside from giving a shout out to Z. HEY!)

I've mentioned it before, and perhaps because we're close to my self-reflection time of the year, it is near the front of my mind.

People are watching.

Not in a sick paranoia kind of way, but people see how you act and what you do. People you know and people you don't know. Your words and deeds travel far and take a bastard life beyond your casual conversations.

What kind of life are you creating?

If your words and deeds are biting and vicious - how do they change or taint others who witness them? Will it encourage them to be kind and good or provide justification for their own biting, vicious deeds?

If one - who is already inundated with bad news on the television and in newspapers - sees only ickiness, what encouragement is there for goodness?

I know, I know, my Blog is an intentional public venue.

However, and here's my thought,

your overheard words and observed deeds are also in the public domain.

How are you changing the world?

Yo! Where've I Been?

2008-07-31T10:26:00.002-04:00

Summer freedom is coming to an end.

Today, I plan to do a MAJOR declutter. Not only put stuff in their correct rooms, but also in their correct places within the rooms.

In addition to that, I have a ton of projects at various states of completion and only two weeks before school starts again.

In the knitting arena,
I've got a shawl/scarf, socks, puppet, and bag on knitting needles. I hope to finish the socks and scarf next week while spending four glorious days away from the computer and television and work. Weeeeee! If I don't finish them before school, they may never get done. (Fortunately, one isn't due until November.)

I've also started charting Sinister Bunny for a scarf. I'll be thrilled if it turns out.

I've got some trim to finish painting in the living room. (Most of which is a second coat so I can probably live with it not getting finished for a while.)

I've been working on a game board for Killer Bunnies. I finished assembling it yesterday and the first coat of paint is drying right now. I want to finish it before the four glorious days next week - because I hope to play!

What else, what else? I have all of my school books for the Fall and I already know where to start reading for two of the classes. Will I start before I have to? I dunno.

Mike has also finished his novel and I'm only on chapter 2. I absolutely MUST finish that before school.

So . . . what's on your list?

Rock Gap Cottage

2008-05-29T11:49:00.002-04:00

We're working on our cottage, one board at a time and have most of the subfloor done!

So far, it's mostly scavanged wood, and right now it's pretty much a dance floor.

Each month we crunch numbers to see if there's anything 'extra' so we can buy lumber or concrete or nails, and right now the answer is 'no.' So camping next week will include less costly, simple manual labor to clear trees and debris and just 'be' out there thinking forward.

Camping this weekend.

2008-05-22T13:15:00.002-04:00

Since we'll be camping this weekend....I also had to add this to www.pimpmyouthouse.blogspot.com

Dear Ellen Degeneres . . .

2008-05-18T11:50:00.001-04:00

Dear Ms. Degeneres,

(Obligatory, but subtle, gushing here . . . I really enjoy your personality!)

When I'd heard of the same-sex marriage inroads that California is making and that you plan to marry Portia, I wanted to send you a congratulatory note (so, Congratulations!). My husband and I have been married 4 years this May 20. We were married in Massachusetts, having applied for a license on the first day it was allowed, May 17, 2004. Now we live in West Virginia, where I am a full-time college student and a part-time bartender and although our love is very real, our marriage certificate (at least in W.Va.) is worth less than the paper on which it's printed.

When filing taxes and filling out official forms we must still check the 'single' box and we do not enjoy "the total of 1,138 federal statutory provisions classified to the United States Code in which marital status is a factor in determining or receiving benefits, rights, and privileges.” (GAO-04-353R Defense of Marriage Act - Update to Prior Report).

I think that we are living in exciting and changing times, and am hopeful that you and I and others in the same boat will see the days of marriage equality. I am also hopeful that your celebrity status will add visibility and credibility to our plight. (Our plight being that we are unable to automatically enjoy all those marriage rights without the additional expense of lawyers drawing up legal contracts for privileges that even less committed male/female spouses receive, i.e. medical decisions, visitation, inheritance, etc.)

I am even more hopeful that your marriage and relationship is successful, fulfilling, eternal and full of love and the 'sanctity' of marriage.

The 'sanctity' of marriage, - to me - means the dynamics of building a life together. It's a comfortable melding of personalities and wills and coexistence which offsets the outside pressures of bills, car inspections and evening news. If anyone believes that same-sex marriages will destroy the sanctity of marriage, they probably don't know any life-committed same-sex couples.

Mike, my husband, and I are living 'the American dream,' which means a lot of debt, a few acres of land and building a home, (one board at a time), three dogs, a cat, and looking forward to the rest of our lives together. With or without the marriage license, we are happy together and enjoy the 'sanctity' of marriage (well, not so much enjoying the bills and the evening news), and we wish you, Ellen and Portia, an even greater happiness as well.

Congratulations again,
Chuck Walker

Wowsy Wowsy Woo Woo

2008-05-15T12:38:00.002-04:00

Wowsy wowsy woo woo.

That's all I have to say.

After looking at our income and outgo. EEEP!

The price of gas, the price of cigarettes, the price of living 'the dream.'

Wow. Fortunately, Mike and I can both walk to work most of the time.
And I'm supposed to be quitting smoking anyway.

Fortunately I work at a bar and can get a free drink once in a while.

We're walking a thin, thin line.

My Report Card

2008-05-13T09:18:00.002-04:00

Straight A's ! ! ! !

However, since I can't do ANYTHING straight, um, a lovely row of A's.

I'm absolutely thrilled! Nothing was really written in stone, so I had to sit and fret until the final grades were posted (today).

Now, where are all the rich relatives who send me large bills for each A?
(I'm not afraid to beg. Click on PayPal and send dough to poizniv@gmail.com !)

Hmmmmm? Because this school thing (and that taxes thing) has REALLY taken a toll on our finances. (The pets are getting a little edgy when we flip through the pet recipe book.) And the tip jar at work seems to be broken.

(Remember Save Dora?)

No, we won't eat the pets.

Happy dance, happy dance, happy dance.

Now I'm going to go work in the yard and sunshine. What a great day.
Fiddle dee dee we'll worry about finances tomorrow.

Prissmass 08 Quicky

2008-05-11T11:02:00.003-04:00

This video is just to give you an idea of the size of the Prissmas fire.

Because of college schedules, we didn't have much time plan an outrageously traditional Prissmas. However, a wonderful time was had by all. And we did hit most of the traditions.

The Prisspops caught a little flack because they weren't technically liquid, and they both looked and tasted like poo. Dark rum and pina colada Jell-o shooters are awful.

It was an early night, getting to bed by 3 a.m.

The spitting liquor, brought by the ladies, was absolutely horrendous.

The new addition of a baby keg, provided by the ever thoughtful Lady Prisspott, was and is fabulous. It should just fit in my lunchbox.

More when there's time. I'm a bit drained today.

The Best of the Westside Chadwicks

2008-04-28T08:07:00.000-04:00

Merry Prissmas Everyone!

2008-04-19T16:52:00.001-04:00

Today is Prissmas!

Prissmas Baby! Saturday, April 19th!

2008-04-09T05:44:00.004-04:00

Prissmas falls on the Saturday, April 19th!

Each year, more and more people are saying "I told you so" on the Saturday closed to 4/20. Do YOU celebrate Prissmas? It's the one holiday where no one is expected to be absolutely perfect and charming, no one has to be polite to "Aunt Smells Funny" or "Uncle Pull-My-Finger" just because it's a holiday.

AND - If someone bursts into tears because the holiday is RURNT, you know you've done well.

"All I wanted was a nice, quiet, Prissmas."

Prissmas is Coming
(To the tune of Christmas is Coming - and can be sung in a round!)

Prissmas is coming
We’ll rub it in your face
Time to bust your chops and
Put you in your place

If you’ve had a lapse in judgement
(A small faux pas will do)
If you’ve made a slight mistake
You know that we’ll tell you
We’ll tell you!

Prissmas is the celebration of the spirit of "I told you so."
Our own grand observance of it will be postponed due to exams and papers - but we will be privately observing at home by burning something and kicking a small neighborhood child off our lawn "I TOLD you to stay off our petunias! and have a Merry Prissmas."

I've taken the liberty of copying all the traditional events and garbs from last year's reminder.

Let's get you started on YOUR Prissmas celebration!

Traditional Garb:

An apron and lei. You can wear other things in addition to the apron and lei, but it's not required.

Decorations:

A dead tree branch, painted pink. Stick it in the ground outside and adorn it with rats and crabs. The original Prissmas tree also had plastic martini glasses and orange ribbon.

Food:

Anything that can be cooked in a bonfire that would at first cause one to think, "Hmmm. No. I'm not eating that." But in actuality, really isn't half bad.

Mountain Pies: Two slices of bread, slathered with anything, enclosed in a pie iron and stuck into the bonfire.

Pre-Packaged Stuff: Bags of chips, cookies, easily shared finger foods in burnable packages.

Beverages:

Liquor. There's no explanation necessary. Liquor is liquor. You know what to do. Besides, it'll help loosen your tongue. "I told you those pants made you look . . . fatter."

Beer.

Other. It doesn't matter which. In fact, don't even bother. If someone needs to drink 'other' beverages, they're probably not at your Prissmas gathering.

Events:

Prissmas Bonfire: It's not Prissmas without a bonfire. And it's not a Prissmas bonfire unless it's secretly doused with gas before some unsuspecting fool lights it (THWOOM!) More than a few eyebrows have been lost in this manner. For many months we've been carting our scrap wood and burnables out to the field at Prisspott Manor and piling high the Prissmas pyre.

The Bonfire Ballet: You set your chairs up around the, as yet unlit, bonfire and chat and gab with your 'friends.' Of course (ala Musical Chairs) there's never enough chairs for everyone, so some have to stand around and chat. THWOOM! You get up from the ground, shield your face from the fire while reaching for your overturned chair to pull it further away from the fire to a more comfortable temperature. (Like, say, Cleveland.) Those without an original chair can take this moment to snag a chair from one of the other people who haven't yet come to. The fire begins to burn down a bit and you start to notice the nip in the air. So you scootch your chair closer. You might take this opportunity to refill your drink - or, if you're drinking from the bottle, to open another. Again - people without a chair can take this refill time to commandeer a seat for themselves. Rinse and repeat.

The Who-Catches-On-Fire-First-Pool (Also known as Flaming Queen): This is probably self-explanatory, given the details of the Prissmas Bonfire. In our circles, we can't actually have the betting pool, because everyone predicts it will be Lady Prisspott. Clearly, she's a crowd favorite, what with the tree incident, and the flaming gas can incident, and, well, these would just take up an entirely different blog entry to explain. Suffice it to say, she's a shoe-in to win every year. (Sometimes, when the spirit of Prissmas hits us, we even try to set her on fire at other times of the year. What fun. Good times.)

Liquor Spitter: Take a swig of cheap, gosh-awful-tasting liquor straight from the bottle. Swagger as close to the bonfire as you (safely?) can. Spit the liquor into the bonfire. The bigger the FWOOSH!--the more right you are when you said 'I told you so.' You'll need others to watch, because after the FWOOSH, you're either getting sick from the icky booze or running around screaming "MY EYES! MY EYES!" like a big sissy.

Walk the Plank: You did it when you were little, why did you ever stop? It's the let's-see-how-this-burns game. Take those little plastic soldier men and afix them to the end of a stick, then put him in the fire! "I'm melllllltingggg!" Empty wine bottle? Most of them melt (some may even explode - or so I'm told by old One Eye). Place it in the perfect spot of glowing embers and argue with the others who try to move it with the stick to the OTHER perfect spot. (The next afternoon, you can collect from the ashes anything that didn't entirely burn up and make jewelry!)

Prissmas Carols: Bore your friends to tears by singing EVERY LAST Prissmas carol in your own Prissmas Carol Book.

The greatest compliment that can ever be bestowed upon a Prissmas event hostess is -- "You've RURNT Prissmas!" And it must be pronounced 'rurnt.' (It means ruined.) If someone says this to you at Prissmastime, it means you've sufficiently shattered any hopes that some faux pas they've performed over the past year has been forgotten. You've crossed the line then. It's progressed from a frivolous outting of light-hearted, friendly jabs to the true meaning of Prissmas, self satisfaction that you were, indeed, right. And now, everyone knows it.

The Tax Man Cometh

2008-03-21T10:00:00.003-04:00

Okay, so in February I had all of my W-2s and such and went to H&R Block and sat quietly while the guy punched in all the numbers.

When I quit my job, last July, and went back to college full-time, I also cashed out my retirement and Mike and I bought property.

This property is 'the rest of our life' spot.

The feds took out a hefty portion for taxes, but not the state, so we kept a little savings in anticipation.

What we didn't anticipate was that the feds didn't take out enough taxes, so our tax bill at the end of the number crunching turned out to be $28,000.

I was shocked.

I took my stuff home and told Mike on that Friday. Then I said "We won't talk about this today or tomorrow." We simply couldn't. It was way too disconcerting. How on earth would we come up with that sum?

We talked about it a little on that Sunday, but it was still too soon to wrap our heads around it.

Finally, we had to do something. April 15th wasn't getting any further away. I applied for a new credit card and added it to the two we already had. We paid the state with what we'd been saving, and put the rest on three credit cards.

Yes, we realize that the IRS offers payment plans, however . . .

In addition to the fees, penalties, and nonsense of it all, we'd be indebted to the IRS. If we miss a payment there, they can GET US. They could not only get us, but could also get our stuff, including our 'the rest of our life' spot.

So, we opted for the credit card thing. I know that if we miss a payment (which we hope NOT to do) the % rate jumps considerably and we begin to pay more and more, however, they can't GET US, which is our primary concern.

So now, I'm sitting in anticipation of three huge credit card bills and I don't think my income from tending bar is really going to cut it. Ugh.

I am confident, however, that if we're diligent, we can see this thing through without losing our shirts. (I have proven that one can survive on next to nothing and still have money for beer.) It just means buying the super mystery, mystery meat - and the 'guess what this is made of hotdogs.' I have always been a fan of mac & cheese, so that's a plus. However, we'll have to go down the quality list to the Mac and 'almost cheese.'

Fortunately, I'm cutting down on cigarettes, (with a quitting goal) so I'm losing that added expense, and I have enough yarn to keep me occupied in my knitting hobby.

This Summer, Shepherd College isn't offering any classes that I need for my degree, so I could probably put some more hours into working at the bar, (and around the house) - and I'll save on gas, because I won't have to drive to school.

Pros of the extreme belt-cinching...

More time at home.
We still have our home.
A fabulous weight-loss program.
Added incentive to stop buying cigarettes.
Great stories for the niece and nephews. ("When I was your age . . .")
I can one-up a lot of the "you think you've got it bad" stories at the bar.

Your mission, my friends, is to come up with more 'on the up side' ideas.
I think this is going to be a GREAT year.

Spring Break Day 6.

2008-03-20T19:23:00.002-04:00

I didn't share with you all that I had a $28,000 dollar tax bill, did I?

I'll blog about that tomorrow. In the mean time, I just want to update you on my to do list, then get back to playing cards with my friends.

Okay, there's way too much stuff left on my list of 25. But I did get the living room painted today, and raked the yard and cut back the bush in the dog run...

I guess tomorrow I'll work on school stuff. I've resisted the urge to add more things to the list. But I've also resisted the urge to work on school stuff.

Groan.

Okay. Tomorrow. I PROMISE. I'll work on school stuff.

2. Paper - Triangulated Reflection
3. Paper - Learning Principles
5. 4-5 Page Report on Acts Chapters 1-15
6. Study 10 Characteristics of Apocalyptic Writing (Due that Wednesday)
7. 10 Page paper on blind obedience and willful disobedience (Outline due that Monday)
8. Read MacBeth (Due that Monday)
10. Finish reading and write about We Make the Road by Walking (Due that Wednesday)
17. Sweep, dust and air out the house
20. Collect 'favorite things' for birthday party the 29th.

Spring Break Day 5

2008-03-19T11:20:00.004-04:00

I do have to share with you the story of my developmental notebook.

For the class Social and Psychological Conditions of Learning (5 credits), we have to create a developmental notebook.

In this notebook, we have a section for our notes, five papers biographing major developmental thinkers/theorists, four current articles on technology, exceptionality, assessment and multiculturalism, each with an executive summary, a developmental table covering the five thinkers/theorists, and a master reference list.

All the other students who'd taken this class groan and sympathized when they'd heard I was in the class and working on the notebook. "Wow. Good luck with that. It is a load of work." etc. So I borrowed a notebook from another student who had taken this class before to use as a guideline or model. A chatted up some other former students, "where did you lose points? what did you do for this? that? the other?" etc., and set to work.

When mine was done, I was SO proud.

Mine was so much fuller. Bigger is better, yes?

So I took it to school and bragged about it to people not in my class. "Look at this, see how much bigger it is?" Brag brag brag, boast boast boast.

Then I headed to that class. Waiting in the hallway were all my classmates and sweet baby gherkins! mine was one of the smallest notebooks! I was so dissappointed. Imagine going all your life thinking you had the biggest thingy and then you see someone else's.

Then I started hoping that size really didn't matter. But my balloon had been deflated.

A week passed and the grades came in. The notebooks were worth 60 possible points and the instructor told us "Count yourself lucky if you got anywhere near 60. There were a couple 59s and a few 58s, 57s and a handful of 50s, but there was only one 60. And some of you, well it's just unfortunate."

[inward groan from everyone]

The grades were passed out on 8.5 by 11 sheets of paper, folded in half and stapled closed. When I got mine, I peeked at the grade and put it away and continued to work on the current assignment. Other students were looking at their grades and other student's grades, and decyphering the notes and looking at their notebooks. Until finally J. looked up at me and narrowed her eyes suspiciously.

Guess who got the 60 ! ! !

Out of the original 25 things to do during Spring Break - (and since it's raining and I can't work in the yard) I'm off to work on numbers 1, 4 and 7. (With a trip to the library and Patterson's Pharmacy.

1. Observation Grid (Due that Monday)
2. Paper - Triangulated Reflection
3. Paper - Learning Principles
4. 8-10 Page Essay on a specific literary aspect of one or two books of the bible
5. 4-5 Page Report on Acts Chapters 1-15
6. Study 10 Characteristics of Apocalyptic Writing (Due that Wednesday)
7. 10 Page paper on blind obedience and willful disobedience (Outline due that Monday)
8. Read MacBeth (Due that Monday)
10. Finish reading and write about We Make the Road by Walking (Due that Wednesday)
13. Cut out weed growth / cut back big bush in back yard
14. Rake the back yard
17. Sweep, dust and air out the house
19. Paint the living room
20. Collect 'favorite things' for birthday party the 29th.
24. Clear the altar - set it for Spring

Spring Break Day Three

2008-03-17T21:44:00.000-04:00

1. Observation Grid (Due that Monday)
2. Paper - Triangulated Reflection
3. Paper - Learning Principles
4. 8-10 Page Essay on a specific literary aspect of one or two books of the bible
5. 4-5 Page Report on Acts Chapters 1-15
6. Study 10 Characteristics of Apocalyptic Writing (Due that Wednesday)
7. 10 Page paper on blind obedience and willful disobedience (Outline due that Monday)
8. Read MacBeth (Due that Monday)

10. Finish reading and write about We Make the Road by Walking (Due that Wednesday)

13. Cut out weed growth / cut back big bush in back yard
14. Rake the back yard

17. Sweep, dust and air out the house
18. Put everything in its place (including take stuff to attic)
19. Paint the living room
20. Collect 'favorite things' for birthday party the 29th.

23. Find a pattern and start knitting socks
24. Clear the altar - set it for Spring

The list dwindles.

2008-03-16T11:05:00.004-04:00

1. Observation Grid (Due that Monday)
2. Paper - Triangulated Reflection
3. Paper - Learning Principles
4. 8-10 Page Essay on a specific literary aspect of one or two books of the bible
5. 4-5 Page Report on Acts Chapters 1-15
6. Study 10 Characteristics of Apocalyptic Writing (Due that Wednesday)
7. 10 Page paper on blind obedience and willful disobedience (Outline due that Monday)
8. Read MacBeth (Due that Monday)

10. Finish reading and write about We Make the Road by Walking (Due that Wednesday)

12. Rake out that area and the front area, replace with new clean mulch
13. Cut out weed growth / cut back big bush in back yard
14. Rake the back yard

17. Sweep, dust and air out the house
18. Put everything in its place (including take stuff to attic)
19. Paint the living room
20. Collect 'favorite things' for birthday party the 29th.

22. Finish that sweater
23. Find a pattern and start knitting socks
24. Clear the altar - set it for Spring
25. Give a whole day to my husband

My To Do List

2008-03-15T09:14:00.003-04:00

I told you I'm torn over what to do during break....

We received our mid-term grades and I was shocked to discover two Bs. (Okay, I almost cried.) So, that was a kick in my diligence.

Here's my list....

School

Conditions of Learning:
Observation Grid (Due that Monday)
Paper - Triangulated Reflection
Paper - Learning Principles

Bible as Literature:
8-10 Page Essay on a specific literary aspect of one or two books of the bible
4-5 Page Report on Acts Chapters 1-15
Study 10 Characteristics of Apocalyptic Writing (Due that Wednesday)

Shakespeare:
10 Page paper on blind obedience and willful disobedience (Outline due that Monday)
Read MacBeth (Due that Monday)

Appalachian Culture:
Finish reading Unquiet Earth
Finish reading and write about We Make the Road by Walking (Due that Wednesday)

Home

Outside

Cut back and dig up bushes by gate
Rake out that area and the front area, replace with new clean mulch
Cut out weed growth / cut back big bush in back yard
Rake the back yard
Get rid of big garbage in yard

Inside

Remove plastic from windows
Sweep, dust and air out the house
Put everything in its place (including take stuff to attic)
Paint the living room

Extra

Collect 'favorite things' for birthday party the 29th.
Blog.
Finish that sweater
Find a pattern and start knitting socks
Clear the altar - set it for Spring
Give a whole day to my husband

Okay, that's 10 things for school and 15 things for home.

25 total things and 9 days. Let's GO!

Spring Break ! Day One.

2008-03-15T09:05:00.002-04:00

Okay, it's the first day of my Spring Break and I still don't know what I'm going to do.

Top of my list is to finish that dang sweater I've been working on since Winter Solstice. It would be poetic to finish it by Thursday, which is Vernal Equinox.

I have about 7 or 8 pieces of schoolwork I could be getting to.

Spring cleaning! I want to take all the plastic off the windows and air out the house. It smells like dog, cat and bear in this house.

Rake the yard and get rid of some debris and bushes.

Finish taking down the fence in the back yard.

Paint the living room.

Blog.

Clear off my pagan altar and start fresh (Ostara is for new beginnings and making plans!).

A week seems like a lot, but if I keep adding to my list, I'm going to be sorely disappointed by the time that Monday and school starts up again.

I also need to devote some time to my fantasticly wonderful husband.

Next entry will be things to do.

We'll check back in a week to see how it went.

Finish

2008-01-04T16:38:00.000-05:00

(A stream of consciousness blog - because I've been away for a bit.)

That's it. One word. Finish.

That's my New Year's Resolution for 2008.

It doesn't mean finish everything, but it does mean getting some things OFF OF MY 'TO DO' LIST !

I've been EXTREMELY busy over the last few months (as you know) with school and learning the ropes as a bartender.

Well, seven A's out of seven classes put me on the Dean's List, but it also put some things in perspective for me.

I never see my friends. The house goes for weeks without a good sweeping, cleaning, ordering, etc. And all of my hobbies get shuffled around from room to room.

I worked diligently at some important things, but this year I'm working on some higher goals. The bigger things need to be finished, while maintaining a good school record.

How do you eat a whale? One bite at a time.

So....this year, I'll work toward my New Year's Resolution one bite at a time.

I really want to finish the downstairs this year.
I want to finish some paperwork. (Mostly taxes.)
I want to finish the PRAXIS stuff and get into the teaching program. (Two test scores successfully received, one to go.)

So, rather than looking at the entire list of stuff that needs to be done, I'll be looking at individual small things that I can fit into an evening or weekend here and there. - For instance, the living room needs to be painted to a sellable color - and toward that end, I cleared bookshelves today that need to be moved away from the wall.

I'll still knit. I want to finish this Cobblestone sweater. Then I have some tweed to do something with, and one skein of some neat blue and green silk blend I got for Christmas. But what do you do with ONE skein?

One major bit is taxes this year. That's going to happen whether I have time for it or not. I have lots to do in that area, but rather than looking at the sheer weight of the task, I'll focus on the individual little bits and pieces that need to be gathered before the big day in April.

So, one bite at a time I will finish things this year. Last year, my resolution was 'simplify.' And I didn't do that very well. Yes, I quit my D.C. commute and now I work 3 blocks from home, but I also tacked 7 college classes onto my list and reduced my income by a HUGE amount. Perhaps I'll carry that resolution over to this year too. I'm on my way with only 4 classes for the Spring semester (however, one is a doozy).

Happy Holidays!

2007-12-18T12:01:00.000-05:00

Normally I mail my holiday cards to arrive the day after Thanksgiving.

Just to make people curse under their breath - "That damn Chuck."

This year, however, I was balls deep in schoolwork and stuff so NO ONE got a holiday card.

I did send a mass e-mail to a bunch of folks to let them know what I was doing - again - schoolwork.

And here for you readers is my report card. If you had made a donation to Chuck's Scholarship Fund, you'll be happy to read it.

A = Seminar In Education
A = Peer Tutoring and Composition Theory
A = Foundations of American Education
A = Introduction to Visual Art
A = Introduction to World Literature I
A = Teaching Reading and Adolescent Literature
A = Survey of the Exceptional Child

The teachers have been wonderfully helpful. I talked to most of them and expressed a desire to do well in their classes. If I felt I was struggling, I let them know, and also asked what I could do to ensure an A, i.e., extra credit, supplemental reading, revisions, whatever. They'd give me a list or options, and I'd try to do all of it.

They really do appreciate earnestness.

Some of my classmates, however, do not. One group in a class was making a presentation on Carver which I now want to read. They explained how he excelled in college and was a curve-breaker and asked "You know what a curve-breaker is, right?"

Spontaneously five or six people pointed at me or said "Chuck!"

None of them are actually mean about it, though. And I look forward to seeing many of them again in January.

Anyway, I'm happy to be done with the semester, and I think I'm much better prepared for next semester.

Right now, I'll be studying for my PRAXIS exam in January and I'll try to clean house and blog some more.

I miss all of you! Send comments!

Writing for Children

2007-12-11T19:53:00.000-05:00

Today I read for a fourth grade class in the library at local elementary school. I have no regular association with children so I have no relative idea of ages and grades or what they are capable of and when.

When I started to transform Antigone into a children’s story my main goal was to keep ‘the moral’ intact. My interpretation of the moral is that wisdom can be found in everyone and only a fool would disregard it. To get to that moral while sidestepping all the suicides and the hint of incest was my first challenge. I didn’t want a happy ever after ending, but I also didn’t want people hanging or throwing themselves on swords.

The next challenge was to explain why people were disobeying the king. My first rendition left that out completely, saying that he simply made up silly rules that nobody liked. When I read it to classmates, they wanted to know what the rules were that were so silly. Everyone wanted to know why. I didn’t want to go into great detail about two brothers fighting and dying over the rule of a city. One gets burial honors and the other is left, by decree, for carrion.

I took the totally tamed down tale to the school today and met my fourth graders. They are much bigger than I thought fourth graders should be. (Again, I had no reference point.) So I asked them, “How many of you have younger brothers and sisters?” Fortunately, many of them do. I told them that I’d created a story for a younger crowd and I need their help to make it better. Then I asked them if they knew what kings, queens, princes and princesses are, and of course they do. Then I asked if they could tell me what it is that a king does. I got a variety of answers; “They go to fancy parties, wear fancy clothes, sit on their thrones, have butlers, play with their money, boss people around,” et cetera.

I read them the story and they were extremely well-behaved, listening throughout. Then I asked what they thought and how I could make it better. Suggested ideas included talking frogs, bears and Transformers. Some students had wonderful suggestions on ways to get rid of the king. “Take him for a walk and get him lost while everybody else leaves the kingdom.”

The librarian asked me to tell them more about the original story. I told the group that the story was written for a much older crowd than my story. I confessed that all the people who went away forever, actually died. Immediately the children were on their knees in their chairs insisting on knowing how. What a blood-thirsty bunch.

Antigone for Children follows.

Antigone for Children

2007-12-11T19:48:00.000-05:00

Antigone for Children

A long time ago, in the city of Thebes, in the land of Greece there was a brand new king, named Creone. He had never been a king before and on his very first day as king he made up some very silly rules. You see, he thought that all kings do is make rules and people obey them. And indeed, in this city, everyone thought the same thing; that the king must be obeyed. So as soon as Creone put on the thin crown of king, he started making silly rules.

For example, he had two nephews, one of whom he liked very much, and the other whom he didn’t like at all. So, he made a rule that everyone in the city should like the nephew that he liked, and not like the nephew that he didn’t like. Everyone thought that this was a very silly rule, but he was the king, and the king must be obeyed. So everyone liked the nephew the king liked, and didn’t like the nephew the king didn’t like. Everyone obeyed the king except one person, Antigone.

Antigone was the sister of the two nephews, and she loved both of her brothers very much. So Antigone decided that she would tell the king she thought that was a very silly rule. Antigone put on her best flowing, white gown and jewelry and did up her hair and went to the king and stamped her foot and crossed her arms and said “I think you have made some very silly rules, and even though you are king, I simply cannot obey because I love both of my brothers very much.”

But the silly king, and a lot of people at that time, didn’t think that girls could be very smart, so he covered his ears and said “I don’t have to listen to you, because I am a king and you are a girl!” and he sent Antigone away forever.

Now the king and queen had a son. His name was Haemen. Haemen liked Antigone very much and he also liked his father very much. And fathers and kings must always be obeyed. “Oh, what shall I do?” he thought. Finally, he decided to put on his best robes and go before his father the king. “Please don’t send Antigone away forever” he begged “ . . . because . . . well, I like her, and besides, I think your rules are silly too.”

But the king didn’t think that young boys could be very smart and he covered his ears and said “I don’t have to listen to you, because I am a king and I am older than you!”

So, Haemon decided he would go away forever just like Antigone.

Next, a very wise blind man came to see the king. His name was Teresias. And Teresias said respectfully, “My king, everyone thinks your rules are silly. You should probably change them.”

But the king didn’t think that anyone other than a king could be very smart, so he covered his ears and said “I don’t have to listen to you because I am a king and you are not and you have to obey me!”

And Teresias warned the king, saying “Because you will not change your silly rules, everyone that you like will go away from you forever.” And with that, Teresias left.

Now the king sat for a bit on his very fine throne, with his very fine robes and his very pretty crown, and thought about what Teresias had said. “Well,” he thought, “Teresias is a very wise man. Maybe I should have changed those rules.”

So the king got up to look for Antigone, but Antigone had gone away forever. Then the king looked for his son, Haemon, but Haemon had gone away forever just like Antigone. And when the Queen found out that her son, Haemon, had gone away, the queen decided that she would go away too.

So now the king was all alone and very sad. And the king thought to himself, “I am such a silly king. I should have listened to Antigone, because girls can be very smart.

And I should have listened to Haemon, because young boys can be very smart too!

And I should have listened to Teresias as well, because you don’t have to see or even be a king to be smart. What a silly king I was.”

And somewhere at that very moment, Antigone and Haemon and Teresias and the Queen smiled, because they knew they were smart all along.

Pump-Kin Festering

2007-10-13T13:51:00.000-04:00

Take a look at each of the items in the picture (except for the sweatshirt).

These little treasures are things that we picked up at the Crap . . . I mean CRAFT Festival last weekend.

Pumpkinfest is an annual Mayberry-like event in a small town in Pennsylvania.

The girls and the girly boys went there last weekend for a relaxing weekend at a lakehouse doing NOTHING.

I left most of my schoolwork at home, bringing only a novel (required reading for a class) and my knitting. We played cards, drank a little, ate a lot of junk food, enjoyed each other's company and had just a calm do-nothing weekend away from everything.

I got turned on to a Killer Bunnies game - which is a lot of fun.

Anyhoo, one of the attractions at the small town festival is the Crap Festival. We descended upon the small town and scattered, each Pumpkinfestering their own way, with one specific goal in mind:

Spending no more than $2, buy the crappiest piece of crap you can find at the fair. We then bring all our treasures back to the lakehouse and have an objective judge (who doesn't know who bought what) rate them from Best to Absolute Crap.

The one who purchased the Absolute Crap piece wins all the other pieces.

I WON THIS YEAR !

Last year - a cut out picture, about 1" X 1.5", which looked to have been generated by a color printer won. (It beat out the package of broken crackers - which also helped to establish the 'no food' rule.)

The year before, it was electronic belly button jewelry that won.

Click on the picture for a close up of all the items and see if you can pick the creme de la crap!

(Important for you consideration: On the back of the very patriotic, heart-shaped candle is a prominant "Made in China" sticker.)

You know, you make your own fun. AND, if anyone from that sleepy little town finds objection in our exercise, think of it this way....

This does sort of display us as snooty city folk, but oh well . . . We paid for it - so your crap brought in some dough, which was your intention. And, although there was a LOT of crappy crap, there were also a lot of good things too.

Autumnal Equinox - Happy Mabon

2007-09-25T08:14:00.000-04:00

I know, it was last Sunday, but...Happy Autumnal Equinox !

Though I missed it here on the blog, I didn't miss it at home. In fact, I did ALL KINDS of fun equinox activities!

Alright, I confess, I did schoolwork all day. This past Mabon, (Sunday), I cleared the altar, lit some incense and decorated it with a pile of oak leaves. Then dove into my books.

If you read my blog a year ago, you'd know that I'm not a big fan of the darker half of the year, but I've learned to wrap my mind around it. It's the second harvest, it's the end of Summer, it's the beginning of the longer dark. And for me that means reflection and soul searching.

I am a big fan of
being happy with what I've got
and where I've been.

If you know where you are, it can help you understand where you're going.
It would be fun to have a Mall Kiosk sort of thing that mapped out your experiences as if they were stores you've visited, and big arrow that floats over you all the time - YOU ARE HERE.

Here are some "stores" I've been to in the last year.

1-We started and finished the outhouse and made a girl cry. (But not in the bad way.)
2-I started college again and have not fallen behind.
3-My husband and I bought some trees and rocks in the form of acreage in W. Va.
4-I quit my job in D.C. leaving behind a certain vague unappreciated feeling and a not so healthy atmosphere.
5-I've been to a Straight Strip Club
6-We've paid off some bills and loans.

I think it's been a good year. And I think it will be a good Winter.

Okay, so for YOU out there....

Think about where you are and where you've been. (I know, I ask a lot of you.)

Then choose to be happy and move forward

because, YOU ARE HERE now.

Pimp My Outhouse

2007-09-18T13:10:00.001-04:00

If you're wondering what I've been up to.....

I'm sure you're just dying to know.

Aside from school which is dominating my life right now....

We've finally revealed the pimped out outhouse for our friends.

Visit www.pimpmyouthouse.blogspot.com

End of Week Two

2007-08-31T06:08:00.000-04:00

It's the last day of week two of college and I've experienced the same as the first week.

Mondays hit me like a sack of books. I start to feeling extremely overwhelmed. Then I go home and work my butt off all day Tuesday.

Wednesday's hit a little softer and only me bruise me into feeling a 'bit' overwhelmed. I go home and work my butt off all day Thursday and start planning for the next week.

Friday's hit and I'm a little more confident that I'm going to make it through.

I have three Education classes, three English classes and one Art class. So it's a LOT of reading. (As you would imagine.)

Already I've read Gilgamesh, portions of the Old Testament, chapters of Homer's Odyssey, Catcher in the Rye, I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings and a wheelbarrow full of textbook chapters and supplemental articles...

So, I'll hit my classes today then head off with wonderful friends for a long weekend at the lake. Guess what I'm packing.

ALL MY BOOKS. But I don't resent it.

My friends are wonderful because while they're planning the weekend, they let me not think about it. "Please don't make me think." I said, "Just give me a list and I'll stop at the store along the way." They're going to let me drag my books to the lake and allow me to read, read, read.

Don't get me wrong, I'm going to come up for air, rum and cards. (You know, essentials.) And, I'm going to be reading
on a boat,
on a porch,
in a house,
near a spouse...

It's important to me to maintain the workload, but it's also important to have fun.

How many of you 'live for the weekend' but then only do things you couldn't get done during the week? Laundry, cleaning, pay bills, mow the lawn.

It's important to do all those things, but be sure to carve some time out for YOU.

Week One at Shepherd

2007-08-23T18:56:00.000-04:00

Wow, I was so freaking overwhelmed.

Now I'm simply overwhelmed.

LOTS to read. Lots to write. And they're throwing me head first into the tutoring pool. (Which reminds me of the cartoon of the dog sticking his head out of the car window, bragging to another dog, "I'm going to the vet to be tutored.")

Oh! And get this...some scrawny little 20-something remarked that she felt so OLD compared to the other students.

And...and!...AND!...this other KID (I know I'll need to stop ranting about this soon) spoke with all his worldly wisdom on something about which he's COMPLETELY IGNORANT!

And this other person WON'T... STOP... TALKING TO ME! I'll call them "Sunny." Just as a homophone for someone else who provided me with inane chatter.

Notes, essays, reaction papers and annotated bibliographies...that's what Blue (above) has crinkled on his way to catnap land...and what I still have to do.

I don't know HOW I ever got through any of my prior education without reading "The Catcher in the Rye." I still wish I'd been able to dodge that bullet, but it is the 1st of 15 books I need to read for ONE FREAKING CLASS!

Wow. 214 pages of privileged, aimless teen angst wrapped up in one lousy weekend.

WHY was this required reading for so many of you - and how did you get through it?

Okay, paper number four of the day....let's go.

And Awaaaaaay We GO!

2007-08-20T06:48:00.000-04:00

10 Minutes before I leave for my first day of school. I'm only slightly nervous. I've made my lunch, packed my books, have my schedule--I'm ready to go.

Just thought I'd pop in here for a word or two.

HUGE life changes in the last 30 days.

There's a 'back-to-school' smell and chill in the air that means Fall is approaching. I don't like Fall that much, though it does offer me glimpses of my favorite color.

I broke down and bought a thermal lunch bag. I'd been eyeing the "Princess" lunch bag--pink with vertical stripes and a little princess crown near the handle. But in my mind's eye it was more black than pink. When I went back to buy it, even I thought it was too pink and guaranteed to get me beat up at recess.

That doesn't happen in college does it?

My lunch is peanut butter and strawberry jelly -- is that too cliche? -- and a couple granola bars.

My back-to-school garb is Hawaiian shirt, jeans and sandals -- is that too cliche?

Maybe I should pack a beer too.

Wow - Heavy Stuff and Lil' Friskies

2007-08-14T08:15:00.000-04:00

I really MUST find a job.

About eleven years ago, when I was a florist, some very dear friends pestered me to get a REAL job. You know, the kind with holidays and benefits and the like. Button shirts, ties, shoes that hurt my feet and clothes that require ironing really are not my style - but I did as they had pressured me and got a real job. And as much as I may have resented that (a little) in the back of my mind, if I had not, we would not be doing what we're doing today. So thank you my dear, dear friends for that - because . . .

We close today on a few acres of wooded land near artsy-fartsy Berkley Springs, W.V. After closing, we're going to the property and do a happy dance. This is to be our final homestead. Our Camelot. Our walk-around-naked-and-pee-in-the-yard place. So, now more than ever before, it's the first day of the rest of our lives.

I have another friend who has access to a goodly amount of money, which he fritters away on entertainment. He looks at me and Mike and with befuddlement because we have much, much less, yet we're happy. And, actually, I feel that we are much better off--No savings, no retirement, no job, but we have each other.

How do you measure your quality of life?

As we walk through this day, increasing our financial burden (even more) in pursuit of the American dream, we're content. We joke about having to cultivate a taste for cat food later in life. (So if we start nibbling a little now...?)

So Long and Thanks for All the Boobies

2007-07-27T09:10:00.000-04:00

I started typing this morning, waxing philosophical about the end of a personal era, first day of the rest of my life, and blah blah blah.

But that would be NO FUN to read at all.

SO - Train People . . . what have I forgotten?

And you outsiders, if you'd like me to explain any of this, send a note, but there's no way to explain EVERY LAST thing...

Highlights of 2.5 years of train commuting.

Aquaman - He'd had a bit too much (a lot too much) to drink before he got on the train, poured water on himself on the train, looked as if peed himself (but didn't really), caused people to think he was going to die.

The time we convinced two cute college girls to be so extremely interested in me just to cause Skidmark to have a conniption.

When we invented the word PAHL (pronounced 'paul') - which means ignorant.

Too many shots at a number of happy hours.

The time one person got so very drunk and started groping people on the Metro.

Juice nights - a big batch of left over liqour in a cooler with a hint of flavoring.

When I turned on the charm to attract a female, just to show I had more game than someone else. "But Chuck, you don't even LIKE girls!"

The slow motion spiraling shower of beer onto the four guys in the corner.

Joke of the day!

When Fez would look left and right and lower his voice before whispering "Penis."

The oh so forward sexual advances of a number of females.

$50 dollars for every time I have to tell the spouse of a commuter "I don't know."

The surreptitious advances of a handful of males.

Waltzing with Chris.

Kissing the girls.

The Great Race of Brunswick.

Spikey-blonde-haired bitter bible bitch.

Acknowledgement of So Do Ku mastery.

Beer, beer, beer.

Boobies, boobies, boobies. (Who needs 'em?)

Fox News.

Knitting for friends.

The beer bottle trick that makes the boys squirm.

The tongue trick that makes the girls squirm.

Camaraderie.

The Ball Gag.

Ann's color commentary.

The Train Names - Fatal Attraction, Ultra-Donkey, Goldilocks, Man Hands, Girl Chris, Boy Chris, Tattoo Chris, Wine Kelly a.k. Blonde Kelly, SS, Fez, Skidmark, Doogie, Teflon Don, Firewall, GMC Truck Guy, Runs-Like-A-Girl, Business Suit Guy, Banana Guy, Subject Matter Expert, Griz/Hagrid, Labia, Mister Slave, Apple Bottom, Frat Boy, Kennedy, Clown Butt a.k.a. Man from Behind, The Broad, Pitty Pat a.k.a. Jamaica Pat, The Cooking Channel, Eye Candy, KY, . . .

When I stumped a politician on the same-sex marriage issue.

Heat Restrictions.

Ugly, scary and endless baby pictures (UGH.)

Henry's weather announcement.

The Llamacidal Maniac.

The many reasons that Skidmark's gay.

The woman who told me I needed sensitivity training.

The Fart Machine.

Thanks, Mom

2007-07-25T10:35:00.000-04:00

I still get those Cuddly hang in there Kitten prayers about Jesus, a Nigerian banker, who loves me and needs help moving money to an account in the name of a terminally ill little boy in Kansas whose touching final wish was to create an e-mail that did something really cool when you forward it to ten of your friends within five minutes or days otherwise something absolutely terrible would happen as was the case of the barely legal girls girls girls who got pregnant sniffing the perfume card in a mall parking lot where one could buy natural penis enhancers that may have already been won by the lonely Russian girl who wants to be my myspace friend only can't work the layout so you have to click through to her adult profile where my computer gets infected with a worm similar to the ones that cause inexpensive breast enhancements which, like our troops, require support in the way of adding your name and forwarding to all your friends the petition to right the terrible loss of "In God We Trust" from all of the pennies you may consider donating to my scholarship fund.

Marlboro Country

2007-07-19T11:57:00.000-04:00

I'm walking around the house on tippy-toe and eggshells because my hubby is quitting smoking. I'm very proud of the progress he is making and to help, we've moved all the ashtrays to the front porch and have banned smoking in the house.

I do notice that I smoke less when I am home now, because I have to go outside. And, I too will follow in the footsteps of reformed smokers, but not until after my wonderful husband has returned to normal.
He's not being mean. There have been no fights or huge disagreements. He's just focused on the cigarettes he's NOT having. I'll get the usual kiss when I come home from work, but instead of sensing "I love you," the message I read is "I could be smoking now."

The only thing I know to do is stay out of his way. So, I slip upstairs and knit in front of the cartoons until it's time for bed. Occasionally I venture back through the house to the kitchen for a beer and whisper a nervous but supportive "I love you" or blow a kiss if I pass near, but my eyes betray my fear "He's going to kill me in my sleep."

His lips automatically form "I love you, too." but his eyes ask "Where's the ammo?" And I escape back to the Cartoon Network.

We have had a couple conversations about our quitting process. We understand that there are going to be some INTENSE situations resulting from our severe behavior modification. So we've come up with a code word. Lllover. You have to drag (not roll) the L when you say it..."I'm going to watch cartoons, Lllover.

When used by him it means:
I love you. Your mere presence grates on my very last nerve.
If you're doing something annoying - All of my patience normally displayed in this situation has been sacrificed to focus on not smoking.
If you're NOT doing something annoying - You're just in my sphere of discontent.
I will love you when this is all over.

When used by me:
I love you. Your mere presence grates on my very last nerve.
I'm trying to be very supportive and loving here - and realize that to keep from shooting you myself - I need to be in another room.
I will love you when this is all over.
Remember this when I am quitting.

Oh boy, I'm not looking forward to my turn. Where he is passively, silently brooding, I'm actively evil and calculating. I hope he can endure.

I figure a great time for me to begin my quitting process is my first week away from the office. No longer will I have the familiar routine of a smoke
walking to the train
before boarding the train,
deboarding the train,
after the Metro
with 10:00 coffee
on the way to lunch
back from lunch
with 2:00 coffee
before the Metro
before boarding the train,
walking home
before dinner
after dinner and
a few while watching TV.

So, as my routine will change drastically, it's a good time to quit, don't you think?

Consistent Customer Service

2007-06-29T13:06:00.000-04:00

To the Intercontinental Hotels Group Guest Centre

Someone speaking for your establishment has found fault with my attitude and I'd appreciate your assistance in my education regarding this matter. I am not sure that I have the correct e-mail address for this sort of letter, so in addition, I will be posting this inquiry on various Internet sites while awaiting a response.

The morning of June 24th, after a wonderful evening touring Alexandria, Virginia, I and my friends had been looking forward to joining a number of others for breakfast at "Chequers" in the Crown Plaza Old Town, formerly the Radisson (901 N Fairfax Street, Alexandria, VA 22314).

Because we knew it would be a large gathering, the hotel had been thoughtfully informed, weeks in advance, that our group of 20 or so would be arriving for breakfast at 9 a.m.

Arriving fashionably late, around 9:15, I thought nothing of our passing ungreeted through the lobby to ascend the steps to the restaurant. I'm sure the people at the desk were doing something infinitely more important and it is probably not a policy to smile and greet guests as they pass.

Neither did I give more than a passing thought at the time to the woman at the restaurant desk who also failed to look up, make inquiry or even acknowledge our presence as we paused before deciding to simply continue unguided into the restaurant proper.

I scanned the room and moved toward our party, catching the eye of the only visible waiter along the way, indicating that we were joining the group.

The waiter quickly assisted in helping us pull more tables into a row, poured us coffee and disappeared.

We sat chatting for a while with our friends, occasionally looking up fruitlessly to see if the waiter would be returning soon, perhaps with menus, some sort of breakfast buffet information, or even a glass of water.

Our friends became equally baffled by his absence and assumed that perhaps the breakfast buffet was the only source of nourishment. How much did it cost? Who knew? How do we indicate we'd like something? We didn't know and remained helplessly abandoned.

Acting on the assumption that the breakfast buffet was the only way we could eat, we risked moving to the line to view what was offered and actually reached for a plate before noticing large, heated bins of nothing but scraps and crumbs of food that indicated what had at one time occupied the bins. We were not alone.

People, both from our party and complete strangers, stood patiently, hungrily and hopefully with their empty plates, giving the establishment the benefit of the doubt that soon someone would come and restock.

It was a pitiful sight, really. Almost like the orphans in Dickins' Oliver Twist -- "You want more?!" I say "almost" because we hadn't had any yet. We didn't want 'more,' we wanted 'some.'

I decided to look for someone, anyone, who might have any information for us. The waiter was still missing and the woman I'd originally passed at the the restaurant desk had also escaped to perhaps the same place. Apparently, it was only the two of them providing this abundant void of service.

I thought luck was with me, however, because in my search for service, I did find a breakfast menu on a ledge that indicated alternatives to the breakfast buffet. With my trophy in hand and the prospect of an omelette in my mind, I passed back through the buffet area and the waiting crowd of people who were eagerly circling a mournfully small plate of French toast sticks that had just arrived via the restaurant desk woman.

Ah! There she is. She seemed a bit harried, but acknowledged my indication that I would need the assistance of "the" waiter. I then returned to the table to await his reappearance. And wait. And wait. And wait.

By the time he did return to our table, I was greatly disgruntled and unwilling to try to extract any kind of service from the establishment. Given my experience thus far, how long after ordering food would it arrive? I wasn't willing to risk further disappointment.

My two friends with whom I'd arrived had, however, nibbled from the breakfast buffet and were obligated to make payment. So they returned and waited at the vacant restaurant desk to pay.

And waited. And waited.

Not wanting to leave an unpaid burden, they descended to the hotel front desk and spoke with J. Simms, who claimed no responsibility for the restaurant and offered absolutely no assistance. When asked if he could locate someone to take payment, he responded, "I don't like your attitude."

My friends were politely asking for assistance and trying to make honest payment for partaking of a poorly stocked breakfast bar and absolutely no hint of customer service and the front desk person doesn't like our attitude?

To summarize:
The hotel knew of our arrival in advance, yet still the restaurant was negligent and understaffed.
The breakfast buffet was a wasteland of orts.
The hostess or cashier acted as neither and can only be called the unresponsive woman at (or absent from) the restaurant desk.
The desk clerk was unhelpful and accusatory.
In all my worldly travels, I don't believe that I have ever encountered such a lack of service in the field of customer hospitality.

Considering that "InterContinental Hotels Group is dedicated to providing consistent customer services," please forgive my ignorance in asking what kind of attitude should we have cultivated from our experience at your establishment?

You can respond directly to me at poizniv@gmail.com or post your comments under this same letter at my Web log (blog), www.just-chuck.blogspot.com .

Thank you for your thoughtful response,

Chuck Walker

Wanted: Replacement Homosexual

2007-06-26T14:46:00.000-04:00

I wouldn't say that I'm flamboyant, (perhaps others will say that for me) and I'm not sure one could tell just by looking at me that I'm gay. Although a thespian, I'm not what one would call "straight-acting" (but I have played one on stage). I'm just your normal homosexual.

One time a woman I know from the train was throwing a holiday party at her home and was happily insistent that I attend. "Chuck, you have to come to my party! I won't take no for an answer."
"Sure," I said "can I bring my husband?"
"I don't care!" She announced, waving her drink, "Bring your wife."

Okay, we've established that she was drinking. So I'm not surprised she confused the noun gender or even that she forgot about the whole conversation, which was repeated - almost verbatim - twice more in the weeks approaching her shindig. What does surprise me is that after polite conversation with my husband at the party she turned to a mutual friend, "I didn't know Chuck was gay!"

How could she NOT know?

Later, that same month, I was determined to be out of the commuter parking lot before the man who normally holds that position. I wore a loose tank top, shorts and hiking boots for the sprint. It was quite an event, (enough for another entry) and many of the commuters on the train pressed against the window to watch.

Guy-1 commented that "He," he said, meaning me, "looks kinda gay dressed like that." and when another rider quickly confirmed, "You didn't know?" it pretty much changed the dynamics of our future conversations.

Once Guy-1 knew I was gay, anything he'd say that could possibly (in his head) be misconstrued as having even the slightest interest in the queer nation, had to be immediately followed with a nervous assurance "But I'm not gay."

"Hi, Chuck. I'm not gay."
"Okay, Guy-1."

I've had to constantly reassure him that I'm happily married, he's not my type BECAUSE he's straight, I have no interest--how many times and ways can I express that I'm not going to jump him when he least expects it?

When people know you're gay - they'll act and react in a variety of ways - complete comfort, morbid curiosity, violence, hidden interest, fear, indifference, secret camaraderie, condemnation, etc. -- a list as long and diverse as there are people.

Overwhelmingly, though, it's men who are the most uncomfortable.

Guy-2 used to press himself as close to the wall as he could when I passed down the narrow train aisle. "Hey, hey! Not too close, huh? I'm not like that!"

I started doing the same thing when he had to pass. "Hey! Keep your distance. I'm not straight and I don't want to catch it. Just keep moving. No means no!"

Do they believe that because they are so (in their minds) incredibly attractive, homosexuals couldn't keep control in such close proximity and would immediately attack? Are they insecure within themselves? Is their perspective only a demonized stereotype?

"Well, Chuck, how should I know? I don't know any gay people."

Yes, you do! You are surrounded by homosexuals - the topic just doesn't come up. Some people take great precautions to keep closeted because they fear repercussion from ignorant people. But look around you! They say one in ten people is gay. That means it's a good bet that 10% of the people you know is - you know what. And if you know what, then you know gay people. At the office, at the bank, at the bar-you just don't know that they're gay because they don't play the stereotyped, demonized role that you get from movies and pulpits.

It bothers me some people can be just plain ignorant and it bothers me that some people choose to remain closeted in fear of those ignorant people. How else will the ignorant people learn?

Here's what I do -- be myself. I know that there is a very real threat, but I'm a confident, comfortably out homosexual in a very public setting, and because of this, I have helped to change some minds about gays -- even Guy-1 and Guy-2. And that's a start.

I'm not going to be on the commuter train for much longer - so, we need someone else to step forward and be the token homosexual. How else will they learn? Please apply in person, 2nd car from the end, upper level, bring beer and a joke of the day - but don't be too good looking or witty - I need you to pale in comparison to the memory of me.

College Expen$e$ so Far

2007-06-15T10:40:00.000-04:00

Not counting living expenses - The total Fall 2007 College fees and tuitions (So far)is - $2,980.25
Total C.W. Scholarship Donations + $1,050.35 (Thank you!)
Total University Scholarship + $464.00
Left to pay by August 13th - $1,465.90

() Do all those loose pennies in the bottom of your purse make it harder to find your keys?

() Do you have too many coins in your car ashtray or cupholder?

() Is there an ugly, unwieldly change jar taking up space in your home?

() Are you plagued with a sweaty and uncomfortably heavy amount of pocket change at the end of your workday?

Let me take those awful, nasty, ugly, sweaty, sticky, dirty coins off your hands.

Or, if you're itching to spend some of that tax refund, LOOK NO FURTHER ! You can send a donation to anyone with an e-mail address. Click on the PayPal Icon over there on the right and send a pittance to poizniv@gmail.com

Where will it go?

$35.00 College Application Fee
$100.00 Tuition Deposit
$125.00 Advisement and Registration fee
$45.00 Campus Parking decal
$18.75 Used Book
$18.75 Used Book
$7.50 Used Book
$9.75 Used Book
$9.75 Used Book
$14.25 Used Book
$34.50 Used Book
$45.00 Used Book
$335 (5) New Books
$2,282.00 Fall Tuition (Minus $100 deposit above)
$??,???.00 Living expenses

Diving into or Going Over the Deep End Today

2007-06-12T06:54:00.000-04:00

I never really thought about how big a day today is or how tense or stressed I might be, but apparently my subconscious was all over it.

I dreamt a LOT last night.

It was all very Anime. Escher-like college building constructs that were fraught with danger--steep inclines, water hazards, sheer drops--that all impeded any sort of smooth traversing. Islands that floated in the air were kept tethered to the Earth by chains and kept dropping boulders.

"That Woman" (if I may borrow from A.C. Doyle) was an ever elusive prey. If one were to interpret dreams, this would be the person who had the power to make everything go smoothly, but was never available, difficult to identify, heavily guarded and always saw me coming.

I'd been after the college for months to let me talk to someone - anyone - I have questions, I have special needs. I'm not a clueless teen. I'm a non-traditional student.

Okay, I'm an anal-retentive, old fart who has done my homework.

Taking what I know has transfered - I know what I need to take.
Take the list of what's being offered in the fall
Subtract anything extraneous or must be taken after some prerequisites.
Now the hard part - build a schedule from the pitifully few that remain.

I'd prefer a full 18 credit, MWF schedule, so I could still work a flexible job.
Two courses are only offered at one time, so I have to build around those.
There are next to no good Lit courses offered, and...and...and...

Long story, less long - I have my 'dream' schedule - and I've been watching those classes fill up for weeks and weeks.

Turned away at every request, I'm sure I've been a nagging, simpering, begging pest.

Now today - a complete stranger will look at my file for the first time and puzzle all that out for me? I don't think so.

I'm torn. Should I just sit at the advising table, wasting valuable time as someone else takes that last available seat in Survey of the Exceptional Child -- getting the bored I'd-rather-be-golfing-but-am-doing-you-an-extreme-favor look and listen to their lecture ...

or

...Should I hand them my nicely printed schedule with the current enrollment numbers and say between gritted teeth,

"Listen, buddy," I'll say, grabbing the sweet-smelling grandmotherly lady by her frilly lapel, "you don't know me and I don't know you, but you have something I need and you're going to give it to me."

Frantic - she tries to maintain the delaying tactic "Now, young man, if you'll just take a . . ."

"THE ALTERNATE PIN ! WHAT IS IT?" Beads of sweat roll down my spine as I see in periphery a bookish looking transfer student head to the registration computer.

Wildly looking left and right for some kind of savior "But, you'll have to . . ."

"THERE'S . . . NO . . . TIME !" I punctuate each word with a slap across the face and pull her up to eye level "Do you see that man over there? LOOK AT HIM ! In all liklihood he is, at this VERY MINUTE" my voice rises "taking the last seat in a class I NEED!" I drop my voice to a whisper "And if you think I'm being ugly now, by God, just you wait 'til I have to come back for an override form. Now," I say, straightening her collar, "give me the alternate pin."

"Here, here it is." She whimpers, reaching into the skirt pocket next to her ample bosom. "555555! Is that what you want?! TAKE IT! I've always hated advising days." She cries.

But her face, her fear and her tears are already forgotten. I have what I came for, what I've been searching for for months. The pin number that will allow me to register.

And now only one thing stands in my way - students whose last names come before mine alphabetically.

NOOOOOO ! ! ! ! !

Studies Show . . .

2007-06-11T12:22:00.000-04:00

For those of you who thought that same sex marriages would ruin it for the rest of you, guess what?

It's not the homosexuals that'll do you in, it's the heterosexuals who shack up that's ruining it for you.

But let me toss in another 'guess what.' It's improving the divorce rate!

The 'sanctity' of marriage now, officially, is a moot point.

U.S. Divorce Rate Lowest Since 1970

By DAVID CRARY - AP National Writer

NEW YORK (AP) - By the numbers, divorce just isn't what it used to be.
Despite the common notion that America remains plagued by a divorce epidemic, the national per capita divorce rate has declined steadily since its peak in 1981 and is now at its lowest level since 1970.

The study above points out another 'guess what' that I can't help but aim at all the ultra-conservative, not left, extreme religion type folks -- get this, an educated and working wife actually helps stabilize the marriage.

HA ! Don't you just love it?

But wait, there's more....

If you don't want to be plagued by critical thinking, you can find a study to back up any theory and attribute it to any cause.

President Bush's nominee for surgeon general, Dr. James W. Holsinger Jr., offers another example.

16 years ago Holsinger wrote a piece about gay sex being unnatural and unhealthy. He stated "The rectum is incapable of mechanical protection against abrasion and severe damage ... can result if objects that are large, sharp or pointed are inserted into the rectum . . ."

It is my theory, that Holsinger was inspired by the very large, sharp and pointy and unlubricated pine cone that somehow became lodged in the same area of study.

THIS? is a nominee for the surgeon general?

Are we going to get a new "caution" message on the happy meal toys and razor blades? Does anyone NOT know that putting sharp, abrasive and pointy things in your body COULD cause damage?

Gimme a D!
Gimme a U!
Gimme an H!

Can we get a big "DUH !" here?

Why do you think that people trim the gerbil's nails? -- but I digress.

Okay, he's trying to make two points 1) Unhealthy and 2) Unnatural.

As for number 1, I say, I don't know what YOU are sticking up there, buddy, but if it's sharp and abrasive, I think you're not very clear on gay sex. Let me help you out with two words of advice . . . Astro Glide.

My response to 'point' number 2, homosexuality has been observed in more than 1,500 species.

Soon, I think, we'll discover that french kissing while wearing a bikini does not make you pregnant.

WHERE does Bush find these people?

Form of Admission

2007-06-05T12:12:00.000-04:00

While chatting with a lawyer friend this morning I discovered a new silly part of the legal system. It's called a "form of admission." On this form is a list of allegations that the person to whom it is directed must either admit or deny.

Here's the silly part--If you fail to deny an allegation it may be taken that you admit it.

So, of course, all the high school questions immediately pop into my head, i.e.,

Admit____Deny____ You still beat your wife.

If you admit it - well, shame on you. If you deny it, you're admitting that at some point you did beat your wife. If you fail to respond, it's assumed that you beat your wife.

Now consider this question...

Admit____Deny____ You support our troops.

It's been on my mind for a while now. Ever since war with Iraq had begun, the death toll began to rise and the military recruiting commercials increased in frequency. The commercials that say something along the lines of "College . . . career training . . . manhood, etc., talk to your kids about joining the military."

I'll have to admit--my thinking about this stems back before the Iraq war, to my own time in the military two decades ago - why I was there and why it disagreed with me.

I'm a non-violent person.
I don't believe that might makes right.
I don't believe in mutually assured destruction to keep the peace.

But I do know that there are many, many, many people who stand on the opposite side of the fence who will impose their will because they can. And the only reason we are not overrun by them is because we have people who will stand against them.

Without a military force or even a police force, the kinder, gentler people would be at the mercy of anyone with a stick.

So, here's the question--You support the troops. Admit____Deny____

What does that even mean: support the troops?

I wouldn't even dream of saying no, because that plasters UNAMERICAN across my forehead. A scarlet letter U that lumps me with terrorists. "You are either with us or against us" Bush has said.

Why can't it simply be "You are either with us or not?"

You support the troops. Admit____Deny____

If I say I am in support of the troops, then am I saying that I also support Bush and agree with why the troops are there? Do I support interrogation tactics? Do I support their treatment of prisoners? Do I support every bullet fired?

Admit____Deny____

Why ARE they there?

"Eleven years ago, as a condition for ending the Persian Gulf War, the Iraqi regime was required to destroy its weapons of mass destruction, to cease all development of such weapons, and to stop all support for terrorist groups. The Iraqi regime has violated all of those obligations. It possesses and produces chemical and biological weapons. It is seeking nuclear weapons. It has given shelter and support to terrorism, and practices terror against its own people. The entire world has witnessed Iraq's eleven-year history of defiance, deception and bad faith.". . ."In addition to declaring and destroying all of its weapons of mass destruction, Iraq must end its support for terrorism. It must cease the persecution of its civilian population. It must stop all illicit trade outside the Oil For Food program. It must release or account for all Gulf War personnel, including an American pilot, whose fate is still unknown." G. W. Bush - October 7, 2002

"This is not the fight we entered in Iraq, but it is the fight we're in.". . .
"We're carrying out a new strategy in Iraq -- a plan that demands more from Iraq's elected government, and gives our forces in Iraq the reinforcements they need to complete their mission. Our goal is a democratic Iraq that upholds the rule of law, respects the rights of its people, provides them security, and is an ally in the war on terror.". . ."With Iraqis in the lead, our forces will help secure the city by chasing down the terrorists, insurgents, and the roaming death squads. And in Anbar Province, where al Qaeda terrorists have gathered and local forces have begun showing a willingness to fight them, we're sending an additional 4,000 United States Marines, with orders to find the terrorists and clear them out. (Applause.) We didn't drive al Qaeda out of their safe haven in Afghanistan only to let them set up a new safe haven in a free Iraq." G.W. Bush - January 23, 2007

Was Hussein's dethroning and death a preemptive strike - or was it retaliation for 9/11? In the beginning, it was played as if Hussein had direct involvement with the 9/11 terrorist attacks, but later it was simply Saddam's regime posed a risk that the world could not afford to take.

-"The United States has no right, no desire, and no intention to impose our form of government on anyone else." - G.W. Bush - February 2, 2005

but now

-"Our goal is a democratic Iraq . . ." - G.W. Bush - January 23, 2007

So, do I support the troops? Admit____Deny____

How can I tell? From the reasons we were given then, or the reasons we are given now? I simply do not know. (If you fail to deny an allegation it may be taken that you admit it.)

-9/11
-Saddam Hussein
-WMD
-al-Qaida and bin Laden.
-Zarqawi
-Democratic reform.
-Idealogical struggle.
-No honor in retreat.
-Radical Islam.
-Terrorists, insurgents and roaming death squads.

Admit____Deny____

If I say I support the troops - will it give some kind of meaning to this?

U.S. Military Deaths by month:
June-2007 - 17
May-2007 - 127
April-2007 - 104
March-2007 - 81
February-2007 - 80
January-2007 - 83
December-2006 - 112
November-2006 - 70
October-2006 - 106
September-2006 - 72
August-2006 - 65
July-2006 - 43
June-2006 - 61
May-2006 - 69
April-2006 - 76
March-2006 - 31
February-2006 - 55
January-2006 - 62
December-2005 - 68
November-2005 - 84
October-2005 - 96
September-2005 - 49
August-2005 - 85
July-2005 - 54
June-2005 - 78
May-2005 - 80
April-2005 - 52
March-2005 - 35
February-2005 - 58
January-2005 - 107
December-2004 - 72
November-2004 - 137
October-2004 - 64
September-2004 - 80
August-2004 - 66
July-2004 - 54
June-2004 - 42
May-2004 - 80
April-2004 - 135
March-2004 - 52
February-2004 - 20
January-2004 - 47
December-2003 - 40
November-2003 - 82
October-2003 - 44
September-2003 - 31
August-2003 - 35
July-2003 - 48
June-2003 - 30
May-2003 - 37
April-2003 - 74
March-2003 - 65
Total - 3495

DO I SUPPORT THE TROOPS? ! ! ! ?

ANSWER THE DAMN QUESTION ! Admit____Deny____

What do you want me to say?

I am not against you.

I am for life.

I don't know enough to be with you.

I support the safe return of the troops.

You have failed to deny the allegation it may be taken that you admit it.

The Family Thicket

2007-06-04T10:59:00.000-04:00

Many people place a great importance on lineage. It is my assertion that it doesn't matter where you come from, it's who you are now that is important. I guess part of my assertion comes from my difficulty in charting a family tree without utilizing extra dimensions.

My father divorced three times.
His 2nd wife married three times.
His 3rd wife divorced three times.
My mother married (I think) five times.
All but three of all the marriages combined resulted in children.
One of my sisters has three children from (I think) three men.
Two of my brothers I've never met - might have children, I dunno.
One half-sister could be a full sister - [The woman that mom claims is the father (yes, that's right) has serious doubts.]

Is this good enough for Springer?

Which gets me to my thought for today -- I wonder . . . how DO they get you on those tell-all shows, when YOU'RE the one whose dirty laundry will be aired?

If someone ever says to you "Oh, Honey, let's go see a live taping of Jerry Springer," your air raid sirens better be going full blast.

Some warning signs that you're a great candidate for a tell-all show are:

Your children all look like the milkman.
(And you're sterile.)
Your girlfriend insists on blindfolding you before nooky.
(You thought it was kinky, but have ever actually seen her naked?)
Your husband likes to water the lawn in heels.
(Claims the stillettos aerate the soil.)
You live in a trailer.
(Blanket statement here, I know - my apologies.)

Really, how does a person get on one of those shows without suspecting something?

Bait and Switch "Wait, this ain't Disneyland."
Altered concsiousness, i.e., drugs, bat, etc. "Whoa, my head. Hey. Where are we?"
Surprise "Are your eyes still closed? Just a few more steps..."

Readers, your mission is to
1-click on the comment bar below and
2-give me scenarios on how to get someone on the show
3-without them knowing what's in store for them.

10 Reasons Chuck Is Not Gay

2007-06-01T08:57:00.000-04:00

In response to the Top 10 Reasons Skidmark's Gay, this scandalous comment and accompanying photo just came in from our reporters in the field.

For fair and ethical reporting, I present it as is without edits or rebuttal.

10 Reasons Chuck Is Not Gay

10) He does not wear pink.
9) He drinks domestic beer.
8) He likes boobies - on women.
7) He does not use hair products.
6) He does not shave anywhere.
5) He thinks that Babs is not a talented artist.
4) He listens to country music.
3) He eats at truck stops and not for the "hawt" truckers that frequent such places.
2) He doesn't own a flower shop.

and the #1 reason Chuck is not gay:

1) He spent most of his time in army bases while enlisted in the navy.

Now these ten items may not be enough to convince you, however, when the "gay" guy has groped more women on the MARC train than the collective group of heterosexual males, one has no choice other than to conclude that Chuck is NOT gay.

Top Ten Reasons Skidmark's Gay

2007-05-31T11:13:00.000-04:00

This is not an 'outing' or a message of disapproval of a lifestyle.

Because the commuters clamour for it,

and because Skidmark likes to push my buttons

here are the TOP 10 REASONS SKIDMARK'S GAY.

10) Active participation in a conversation on women's shoes.

9) He was very interested and made knowledgable contributions to a conversation regarding women's hair products.

8) He was very embarassed (perhaps even devastated) and extremely self-conscious for an entire day when he discovered his shoes didn't match his belt.

7) Hair products, hair products, hair products.

6) He squirms the most during beer bottle tricks.

5) Even his wife calls him Man Bitch, Mangina and Munt.

4) He shaves his stomach

3) He asked everyone "Can you tell I lost 6 lbs.?"

2) He's envious of the sexual habits of a gay household.

And the number one reason why Skidmark is gay:

1) At multiple times and with many witnesses, he has said "I'm gay."

Do you need more?

A) Oddly enough, he always wants to sit next to me on the train - even though I've told him "No, means No."

B) At times he's been known to put his crotch up very close to my face (ostensibly to look out the window of the seat behind us).

C) Like a bitch in heat, he's often turning his ass in my direction--presenting, if you will.

D) He likes to make small talk - endless small talk - almost like a nervous chatter - and always about nothing important. Picture shy school girl and varsity football player - "So, um, do you like chewing gum?" only his small talk is about the speed or timeliness of the train.

E) Even his wife, perhaps sensing that Skidmark needed an 'outlet,' has sold his ass to me for a cigarette.

Prissmas Recap

2007-05-29T09:33:00.000-04:00

It's been a month since Prissmas. I believe we've all healed enough emotionally from the humiliating 'told-you-so's' to post an account of our annual event.

Lighting the fire was much better planned this year. I'm very suprised. Lady Prisspott gathered all of the guests in a pen well enough away from the intended blaze. The Lord Prisspott was nowhere to be found. Apparently he wasn't feeling well. In hindsight, I don't think it's impossible that Lady Prisspott put something in the Lord's food to keep his disapproving stance away from our use of gasoline as an accelerant.

Wearing BDUs (battle dress uniform - camouflaged outfits) Ivy and Thorny prepared the projectiles (bottle rockets) and the long metal tube, while Hydrangea doused the burnable heap with gasoline.

Acquire the target!
Target Acquired!
Load the projectile!
Projectile Loaded!
Ignite!
It's Lit!
Shove it in!
It's in!
Confirm Target!
Target Confirmed!

Fwoosh! and .... nothing.

Repeat 11 more times - redouse with gasoline (at which point we yelled "Acquire the target!" again just to make Hydrangea nervous - then fired two more times (after Hydrangea was clear) and.....THWOOM!

Arr arr arr! - we make fire - arr arr arr!

Applause and happy dance.

On a side note, we had planned and practiced this lighting ritual in our backyard (next to the firehouse) before actually attempting it. We were a little bit nervous about the safety of this experiment. We also had a firefighter at Prissmas. (We'd invited her, then realized "Oh crap! She's a firefighter - will she rain on our parade?")

By far it was the ugliest Prissmas tree ever. We really outdid ourselves. I do believe it was the biggest bonfire ever too. How very cathartic. We burned lots of stuff. The 'ladies' brought a box of things that MUST be burned. Sort of a letting go type thing. Unrequited love letters, ransom notes, compromising photos and the like. If it can be burned, it never happened.

The two sets of Prisspops were a big hit too. Individually packaged and colorfully labeled they fit the requirements: looks yummy, taste like poo. Don't take my word for it, just look at these satisfied customers.

At the opposite end of the edible spectrum, the dessert burritos we cooked in the bonfire took a feat of courage. Even though the talented Lady Prisspott had welded some very nice platforms on poles, still the fire was too hot to get close enough to insert, flip and retrieve while keeping your eyebrows. Plus there was no temperature control. So you didn't know when it was done. (Mine was still cold in the middle.) Great idea too. It met the Prissmas requirements for food. Looks like poo. Tastes yummy.

I don't know who brought it, I think it may have been the 'ladies,' but there was some truly horrendous Spitting Liquor on hand. I was completely amazed - very much awed - by Cat's spitting ability - boy, could she take a lot in her mouth. Now, how could that be practically applied to other events? I'll have to think on that.
Pro: Quantity.
Con: She spits.

Somewhere in the middle of the bonfire ballet, we sang Prissmas Carols around the fire. Apparently T doesn't like to sing in the key of Chuck. "Too low. Too high." she would complain. Through experimentation and trial and error, I think we finally found the right spot when we let her take control. (I imagine it's similar to being married to her-but I'll keep my fantasies to myself.)

I'll write more if it comes to me, but will also let the Prissmas revelers chime in with comments.

From Fox 5 to Prohibition

2007-05-24T09:41:00.000-04:00

Okay, here's the deal. Just pay attention to what people say. Don't let yourself be moved to any kneejerk responses. THINK MAN! Think for yourself.

Which sounds better? Advocate or Activist? An advocate for abortion is an activist to anti-abortionists. Even the name "Pro-Life" lends you believe that people who believe otherwise must be Pro-Death. PETA is an advocate to animal lovers and an activist to furriers (who aren't animal haters).

Politicians, News Writers, Preachers, Car Salesmen, Actors -- it's their job to get you to believe and agree with them. Their words will paint a picture and evoke a response in you.

Now, can anyone tell me the difference between the afternoon shock shows (i.e., Springer) and Fox 5 News?

Fox 5 Investigates did an expose of commuters drinking on the MARC Train.

Using a long list of alarmist phrases they attempted to move the viewer to believe that drinking alcohol on the train must be stopped. Take a look:

-. . .commuters boozing it up. . .
-A scene so troubling it's got lawmakers calling for changes right now.
-"wastin' away again in Margaritaville."
-All aboard this Margaritaville express.
-A free flowing happy hour on the rails. . .
-The rush hour drinking fest even more widespread than FOX5 first exposed last year.
-. . .full party mode. . ..
-. . .doublefisting the booze. . .
-. . .a bizarre Maryland state law which allows eating and drinking --even alcohol -- on the MARC trains.

In the first few seconds of the 'report' they try to create in the viewer an emotional response: terrible ongoing problem, bad drinking, danger.

The law that allows alcohol on the train is not bizarre and drinking on the train is not a troubling scene. What is troubling are people who drink, then drive.

We can all agree, I'm sure, that drinking and driving is a danger to everyone, but what kind of a news report does that make?

"This just in, drinkin' and drivin' is bad, mmmkay? Back to you Maureen."
"Thank you, Bob. VERY informative."

Nope. Not going to sell advertising space, is it?
Let's dress it up and make it marketable.
First, let's call it an expose.
Hmm, needs more alarming phrases.
Which sounds worse? 'Drinking' or 'Boozing it up?'
Add some hippy drinking music! Everyone hates hippies!
Now, add some grainy, concealed camera footage.
No, I'm still not alarmed enough
Okay, blur out some faces and YES! That's perfect.
My, how seedy and underhanded that looks.

Okay, this just in to JUST CHUCK'S BLOG

Shock Jock Fox is seeking prohibition of drinking on the train, If this unending war on your personal freedoms is successful, how long before Fox attacks family owned neighborhood restaurants that serve alcohol? Then how long before Fox supports statewide Prohibition?

Then...obviously...witch hunts.

____________

From Baltimore Outloud

2007-05-23T11:08:00.000-04:00

If you ever wonder why the rights, benefits and privileges of marriage are important to same sex couples, here is one reason.

From Baltimore Outloud

Baltimore man struggles to keep late partner’s gravesite
By Steve Charing

For Kevin-Douglas Olive of Baltimore’s Seton Hill, the battle only began once his partner Russell Groff died from staph infection in November 2004 at the age of 26. Groff was buried in a rural Tennessee cemetery that the partners had agreed on in a will and burial agreements. Both were from Tennessee.

But Groff’s parents, Lowell and Carolyn Groff, have challenged the burial site and the right of Olive to be executor since July 2005. The expensive legal battles that have ensued and are continuing to strap the finances of Olive to the point he must sell his car and try to raise funds to ward off the Groffs’ challenges.

Russell Groff’s parents have been virulently anti-gay, which is ostensibly motivating them in their pursuit to deny their son’s expressed wishes. They even did a Fred Phelps-like protest during Knoxville, TN’s lgbt "Come Out Knoxville" celebration.

According to the Knoxville Metro Pulse, Carolyn Groff blames the "destructive gay lifestyle" for the death of her son, an aspiring playwright. "He wasn’t like that until he got involved in the theater group at Maryville College," she explains. Several other members of her Bible Baptist Church brought signs denoting that gays are destined to hell. Their brand of Christianity drove Russell away from the Christian church and joined Kevin as a Quaker after they met.

Conversely, Kevin-Douglas Olive parents were active in the Greater Knoxville PFLAG chapter where his mother served as treasurer. Kevin, too, was active in the chapter. But his family does not have the financial means to help Kevin in his the series of lawsuits.

Although he is facing financial ruin, Kevin, 35, a French teacher, is determined to win for Russell what he had wanted. "He was the most important person in the world to me," he told Baltimore OUTloud. "I owe it to him that his wishes are carried out."

The legal battles, which are sapping his funds, are a two-pronged approach: one to impeach Kevin as an administrator of the estate and the other to overturn the will. He had won the initial round in a Baltimore City Orphans Court but Groff’s parents have appealed the decision so that they may move their son’s body to a family cemetery. During the appeal, the entire case must be presented from scratch.

Kevin says the legal fees are currently running $22,000. Thus far, he has raised only $5,000 to meet those obligations. He can use whatever financial help is available.

Contributions can be made to: Kevin Olive Defense Fund, c/o Homewood Friends Meeting, 3107 N. Charles St., Baltimore, MD 21218.

Happy Anniversary !

2007-05-17T10:00:00.000-04:00

Three years ago there was a great hue and cry for defense of the sanctity of marriage. From what did it need defending? Apparently...me.

Three years ago today, I stood in line at the town hall to apply for a marriage license. After a three day waiting period Mike and I were married.

So tell me -- Please, PLEASE tell me . . . in the three years that I have been living in blissful (but unrecognized) domesticity - almost paying bills, filing taxes, cleaning up cat vomit and dog poo, doing laundry, killing plants and making our house a home (just like you), PLEASE tell me -- how has the sanctity of your marriages been compromised by our marriage?

And what the hell IS the 'sanctity' of marriage ANYWAY?

I'll tell you what it is. 'Defending the sanctity of marriage' is a turn of phrase that strikes an automatic emotional chord. So, without thinking, your brain clicks:

"Sanctity" is a good word, yes, yes, yes. Clear, pure, gooooood.
"Marriage" is a good word, yes, yes, yes. Love, commitment, gooooood.
"Defend" is a good word, yes, yes, yes. Keep safe, goooooood.
....must...defend...sanctity...of...marriage...

But how many stop to think about it?

What is threatening the sanctity of marriage?
Obviously, it's the gays! (Confident exasperation)
But, wait, how are they a threat?
Because they want to get married! (Rolled eyes)
Again that's a threat, how?
Uh . . . well, my religion says . . .(Self righteously)
Wait. Your religion is not a basis for laws.
Well, then. Marriage is for procreation. (Smug smile)
Explain how my NOT procreating is a threat to YOUR marriage - and then please explain the concept of unwed mothers and childless couples.
It's not natural! (Worried exasperation)
It appears in nature all the time, birds, antelope, bison, the list goes on - and it's still not a threat.
.... (Silence)

Right, now run along and ruin someone else's life.

Here's the point.

Because of the illogical, emotional response of (dare I say it?) idiots, I am denied over 1100 rights and benefits of marriage that protect loved ones and surviving spouses.

Can ANYONE explain why?

Good Mourning

2007-05-15T14:42:00.000-04:00

Dead today at 73.

Let's look at some highlights of his career.

On The 700 Club, talking about the terrorist attacks on 9/11 Falwell said "I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America. I point the finger in their face and say 'you helped this happen.'"

I will not mourn his passing.

Jerry Falwell's National Liberty Journal had published a "Parents Alert: Tinky Winky Comes Out of the Closet," alarming parents that the Teletubby, Tinky Winky was presented as a gay role model because:
-"He is purple -- the gay-pride color"
-"his antenna is shaped like a triangle -- the gay-pride symbol"
-Tinky Winky, who is played by a male with a male voice, carries a red bag described by Falwell as a "purse"

I will not mourn his passing.

Jerry Falwell supported Apartheid - a system of racial segregation in South Africa.

I will not mourn his passing.

He called Nobel Peace Prize winner and Anglican Archbishop Desmond Tutu a phony.

I will not mourn his passing.

He was the public face of the Moral Majority which sought to cram an extreme religious agenda down the throats of America.

I will not mourn his passing.

I Lived, Mrs. Burnside!

2007-05-14T10:05:00.000-04:00

This past weekend, Mike started working on the last room that remained in the previous owner's eclectic sense of style -- the downstairs bathroom off of the kitchen.

So now, every room in the house is unfinished.
Many of the rooms have only a couple things left to be done.
For instance, the guest room needs crown molding and a different color trim paint.
The living room needs crown molding and paint.
The parlor needs touch up paint and work on the door frame.
The kitchen needs a few more coats of paint, the counters finished and the cabinets either stained or painted.
Just some trim work in the bathroom, sand the plaster and paint.
Crown molding in the hallway - and better curtains.
And the exterior needs the fourth side painted, then a bunch of trim work.

This partial list of very little things, add up to an overwhelming 'honeydew' list.

Why, oh why, don't we just DO them? We do, actually, just not as intensely as some. (Perhaps because there're no harpies in our household to nag, prod and whine.) Because after a bit, the same old job seems tedious and it's always fun to start something new. (Our household is made up of two Geminis.) AND - we have other stuff that's far more distracting to do on the weekends.

Just last weekend I was tie dying with some friends. Made a couple t-shirts, curtains for the kitchen and a tarot cloth. Look at the pictures!

Besides, life is far too full of things we DON'T want to do. In the immortal words of Auntie Mame "You've got to LIVE, Agnes!" So, damn it, I'm going to more than live, I'm going to THRIVE. Too many people go through their days simply existing and surviving from moment to moment. You'e got to fill up those moments with fun stuff!

For example:
Repugnant Raiment with Riparian Entertainment : That was the weekend that a group of us tried to locate THE ugliest dress ever and wear them water skiing. (Still wondering what to do with that bridesmaid dress?)

Pah and Punch Weekend : That was the weekend where every dish was pie and punch. Shepherds Pie, Pot Pies, Pumpkin Pies, Mimosa, Bloody Mary, and a truly awful concoction we called Hair Pie (yes, it involved tuna). For dinner Saturday night, guests were to dress in their interpretation of the theme. One came as a pie bird - which took me forever to fully comprehend.

Cards with friends: All the time. We actually have to retire some cards from overuse. (I've never done that before.) We attended a birthday party recently where the theme was "Play-Cards-Until-Someone-Beats-Chuck-So-Badly-He-Cries." (Which of course, didn't happen.) Here's me dipping my cookies in T's tears.

Crap (Craft) Festivals are marvelous events at which anyone can feel superior. We impose a $2 spending limit and send you off in search of the crappiest piece of crap. All items are judged Best to Worst (by someone who doesn't know the objective) and the Worst winner gets to take home all of the crap.

So in spurts, I work, I knit, I paint, I create, I plant, I play guitar and cards, I love, I live, I thrive. And after a week of WORK and housecleaning and TV - I'm going to do it all again THIS weekend. (Four friends staying over Friday, two on Saturday.)

AND - I have THE most amazing friends with whom to do all these things (I only have quality friends). I refuse to simply exist. I want to LIVE, Mrs. Burnside!

"You've got to learn to make your own music.
You've got to hear the orchestra inside your head." -David Friedman

What are YOU going to do this weekend?

Strip Club Epiphanies III - Final Chapter

2007-05-07T10:57:00.000-04:00

The stage is set, the announcement has been made . . ."Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome to Legs, . . . . Little Sisters !"

[I know, the place is called 'Legs.' How ironic is that?]

Cue music ". . . He met Marmalade down in old New Orleans . . ."

And onto the stage they strutted. Wow.

Pristine white mini Las Vegas showgirl outfits. It took only an instant for our eyes to travel the whole yard (I may be exagerating) from the tips of their feathered headdresses all the past the g-strings and down to the tiny spike heels, but there's no way you can take it all in.

The crowd around the stage cheered and watch and stared and gave their "O" faces.

Little did most of them know, that "Today individuals with short stature generally prefer to be described as 'Dwarfs' or 'Little People.' However, it is more important to respect the human choice, and ask them their preference, or better yet, just use their name. The term midget is very offensive and no longer used."

So, if you would like more information about this topic visit Little People Online.

Many will ask, so I'll try to relate, there are two categories of Dwarfism: Proportionate and Disproportionate. These women were mostly proportionate but had some difficulty with graceful movement. And though they didn't walk fluidly, boy could they crawl and strut and vibrate around the stage.

Each took a position at opposite ends of the oval stage and worked their respective crowds. One of them (the woman nearest me) would approach those sitting by the stage and indicate you should put your bill in your mouth, then she would push her, um, Little Debbie's together with her hands to take the dollar bill from your face. She'd then move to another person, letting the dollar bill flutter to the stage floor - apparently forgotten.

I had to show my appreciation, so as soon as a chair by the stage opened up, I swooped in and sat down. So there I am watching, spellbound, these women who on a raised platform are only slightly taller than I am with my knees at stage level.

But still, I'm watching their faces and what they do. The little person at my end of the stage really did seem to be enjoying herself. She smiled and moved from person to person and lavished attention on everyone who came to the show and there appeared to be a light of mischief in her eyes.

I get the impression that she is a very nice person.

But of course who knows? When she turned away from the crowd, she could've gone to that mental grocery list place. Yes, she was THAT good. Either she was truly having a wonderful time, OR she was a fantastic actress. More so of an actress than the other woman who simply walked, crawled and jiggled around taking dollar bills.

But as much as I wanted to show my appreciation (and equally as much dreaded the "little debbie" trick), the Little Sister may have sensed that in this meat market, I was a vegetarian. So she never came close enough to take my bill. (Next time I'll wear a hillybilly rock t-shirt!)

But it didn't matter ! It was GAME TIME ! They put their g-strings back on (with only a little difficulty) and wedged a clear plastic Dixie cup down there between string and uhm . . . (how do I put this delicately?) . . . down between string and Brazilian wax and began to gyrate near center stage. Apparently, I was the only one new to this game. Immediately the other patrons began wadding up bills and tried to toss them into the constantly moving Dixie cups. If you got a bill in the cup, you won a picture of the two beauties. So here's my chance to show some appreciation.

Wad, toss then miss. "Okay, I'm done."
(Where for hetero's it's Toss Miss then wad, "Okay I'm done." But I digress.)

One of my friends did make the shot (no pun intended), and she shared her prize photo with the others on the train. They girls looked better in the photo, but unless it's a driver's license, photos - especially promotional - always look better. I mean, heck, look at my Blog photo then look at my haircut photo. Bleh.

Okay, so I'm done. I climbed the mountain - so to speak - and had seen all that I came to see. So back to our table and one more beer.

My apologies for the late arrival of this final missive, but there really was a lot to share. And I do think that if you've never been to a gentleman's club, go. It really was a learning experience - and it gives me a great pool of knowledge from which to draw. It even helps me relate better to some of my commuter friends.

One my earlier epiphanies was that you, the client, mean NOTHING to the jiggling girls. I was talking about this to one of the guys on the train, and he said "Good!" And I'm like, oh. Oh yeah. You're right, it really shouldn't have any sort of emotional commitment or obligation. It's all strictly a mechanically physical thing--pretty much like a video game or pinball.

Insert money, press play = here's money, you jiggle.

ob•jec•ti•fy

Pronunciation: (ub-jek'tu-fī"), [key] —v.t., -fied, -fy•ing.
to present as an object, esp. of sight, touch, or other physical sense; make objective; externalize.

Huh. I guess it really does objectify women. Now, my question is, why do some complain that it's a bad thing? And do we ever here as much about men being objectified? (i.e., sexy firemen calendars, Chippendales, shirtless, chiseled underwear models, and ...wow, is it hot in here?)

A man of my word.

2007-04-29T10:44:00.000-04:00

What can I say? In my quest for college funds...I set a price list - oh, the things I'll do for money. One of the items was "$500 and I'll cut my hair." Well, someone has met my price.

The Cheerleader and the Quiet Car

2007-04-27T15:20:00.000-04:00

.""You haven't heard about the Cheerleader?" Skidmark asked with obvious glee.

"Oh no, not that story again." Jokeman whined.

"No, tell it!" Jamaica begged "It's a good story and she doesn't know. She wasn't ridin' den."

Skidmark assumed storytelling position, "Alright, alright. Gather 'round."

"Wait, wait." Jokeman opened a beer, "You want one Pahl?"

"No, I'm good."

"Okay, I'm ready."

"There was this guy...." Skidmark started in a timid voice.

"Fez!" everyone cheered.

"With a 23 inch . . . No, seriously, there was this girl about two years ago, who..."

"No it was longer than that," Pahl interupted "because Mitch was still riding when it happened and he hasn't been . . ."

"It doesn't matter! Who's telling the story anyway? Come on. So, anyway, a while back -- is that okay?" Skidmark glared -- "A while back there was this hot, hot, hot girl riding the train from D.C. All the guys noticed her because she was wearing THE classic sexy cheerleader outfit."

"I noticed her too!" Insisted Jamaica.

"Okay, all the guys and you."

"I didn't notice her."

"Okay, Jamaica and all the guys except Jokeman."

"Jamaica, I thought you liked the Amazon-type women." Jokeman asked.

"I can like more than one type of girl." She defended, "As long as dey're breathin.'"

"Well this chick was no Amazon" Skidmark continued "-- more like your classic helpless female type. You know, the kind you see in horror movies. So, apparently, she'd spent a long day in the city and decided to sleep in the quiet car on the ride home."

"Horror movie, helpless Cheerleader." The newbie summed up, "Okay, I can see where this is going."

"Nobody knows if she knew it was the quiet car 'cause we'd never seen her before. All we have are sightings of her there, draped - rather indelicately - across three seats.

"I almost got sat on once when I did that." Pahl threw in.

Skidmark plowed on, "These are confirmed sightings, because the way she was laid out provided quite a view. And when we heard about it, some folks had to make a few trips to the restroom in that car just for, uh, exploratory purposes."

Pahl continued, oblivious, with his own story "It was by Big Joan - the one who wears the pink coat all the time - looks like an elephant from a kid's show? I would've died, I know it. You ever see the cartoon of the big woman putting up posters for her lost dog and you can see him stuck in . . ."

"Anyway . . ." Began Skidmark impatiently.

"Sorry, but she really is . . ."

"ANYWAY! ! !" [GLARE]

[Eye roll.]

"So anyway, her bag and stuff was stowed up on the overhead rack, and she's laying across the seats asleep, which was already earning her some angry looks from the quiet car folks. But then her phone went off."

A gasp of disbelief escaped the lips of the regulars with a good mix of "No!" and "Oh my God."

"But wait! There's more. She was asleep and didn't hear the first couple bars of her ringtone. Some obnoxious pop song, I think. Everyone else heard it, though. ALL eyes in the car were instantly open and shooting daggers at her. And a few of them started to stir and groan, like zombies rising from the graves."

"When she finally heard it, it was too late. It was in one of the overhead bags. It really was like one of those horror movies. The phone music was still going off and she was fumbling with her bags trying to find it, and she doesn't notice all the while that the quiet car zombies had started moving toward her. Slow. Menacing-like. Groaning and reaching for her."

"And I think" Skidmark reflected "that if she had just turned the thing off when she found it, things might have gone differently."

"What?" Asked the newbie nervously, "What did she do?"

"She, are you ready for this?" Skidmark paused and looked around. "She answered the phone."

Again, the crowd gasped, this time mingled with cries of disbelief, "No!"

"Yes!" Said Skidmark. "She answered the phone. 'Hello? Oh, HI Susan!' or something like that, and THEN she noticed all the zombies were closing in and she stopped talking. I don't know if she stopped on purpose or 'Susan' was talking then or if she suddenly understood the danger she was in. But she's not talking, she's backing up, because zombies are crammed in the aisle and pushing toward her while others are climbing and reaching over the seats to get at the cheerleader with the phone."

"They sort of herded her to the little alcove at the end of their car next to the engine. A witness on the scene . . ."

"Who?" Asked Pahl.

"Hmm?"

"Who was the witness?"

"Andy." Said three or four regulars at once.

"Andy?" Jokeman looked around in disbelief. "Kwazy Andy, the guy that quacks to himself under his breath?"

"Yep. And this is probably why he's 'Kwazy Andy' - because he used to be a quiet car regular. He saw the whole thing."

"Wow." Whispered the newbie.

"Yeh. He said he only caught a final glimpse of her through the mass of bodies and reaching hands and it looked as though she was about to scream but then the train whistle blew and he couldn't see her anymore."

"Wow" came the wide-eyed whisper again, "What did they do to her?"

"Nobody knows and Andy never said. She just...disappeared. We didn't see her get off at any of the stops. And we've never seen her since

Partial Scholarship

2007-04-26T14:55:00.000-04:00

Scholarship n. Finanical aid awarded to a student.

I got a phone call yesterday from the University.

25% of my tuition has been waived because of my outstanding GPA !

Woo hoo!

There's still a long way to go, and you can still help.

Click on the PayPal logo over on the right and send a donation to the Chuck Walker Scholarship fund at poizniv@gmail.com.

You can also send some positive energy my way. I've been going in circles with the admissions office.

I'm transfering quite a few old credits to complete my English/Education degree. (The goal is high-school to adult English teacher.) With the transfer credits, all but a couple of the oddball general requirements are done. Now I've only got to take English (Lit.) and Education classes.

That makes it tough to fill up to the max on per semester credits. (Usually a schedule is dotted with core classes then fleshed out with general requirements.) This coming Fall there are only one or two ways for me to get an 18 credit load out of the courses being offered because of conflicting schedules, limited sessions offered, and so on.

What makes it even tougher, is current continuing students are registering NOW for seats in the pitifully few classes from which I have to choose. (Studies in Chaucer and Milton has already closed! AAAGH!)

Transfer students don't even get to talk to anyone until JUNE! That's when I'm assigned an advisor (a harried stranger who glances at my case for the first time) and (I think) can register. So, I'm sitting here watching the available seats dwindle and there's NOTHING I can do about it. Grrrr.

Must . . .relax . . .

The Quiet Car

2007-04-19T15:31:00.000-04:00

As I have said previously, regular commuters tend to find and use the same car of the train every time they ride. These cars, then, become known by a certain name and by its own peculiarities. I, for example, ride in the Loud Car, also falsely known as the Party Car. The actual Party Car is another portion of the train who perhaps used to party hearty, but not nearly as much as the Loud Car does now. Logically, if there is a loud car, there is also a quiet car. This is actually a train-approved practice to designate one car as THE quiet car. There are signs and announcements and everything.

"Welcome to the ssskkkrtttch train headed to skrtttackleshh will stop at shhhkreetech. There are two restrooms osshhkererrtrain one is in the last car one shhshrt next to the motor. The quiet car is the car next to the motor. Once again thsskehrkt....."

Now the kinds of people who ride in the quiet car have an AWFUL reputation. It's quite probable that they are very nice people but you wouldn't know it. A simple sneeze or audible (albeit unexpected) passing of gas is enough to get the most evil of looks from the sweetest of ladies. A whispered conversation will get you a "SHHH!" from fellow passengers and, oh, you'd better hope you remembered to turn off your cell phone. It's like the library, only in Hell.

I've ridden in the quiet car a couple times - just when I'm feeling anti-social - and I don't find it very relaxing at all. The hostility is palpable and it's not really that quiet being right next to the engine and whistle, and with the announcements at each stop and the constant stream of people coming through to the restroom. "Is someone in there?" "SHHHHH !"

For the most part, the folks in that car tend to quietly glare or sleep with their heads back against the seat and mouth agape. (I often wish I had the nerve, the aim and a little toy gun to shoot Tic Tacs in their mouth as I pass by.)

Picture it--The Quiet Car Regular sleeps fitfully, mouth agape, dreaming of the next mob riot, and all of a sudden ZZIPP!! "GACK! HACK! COUGH! I think I swallowed a minty bug!"
"SHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!"

Coming soon, the story of the Cheerleader in the Quiet Car.

In Transit

2007-04-17T09:37:00.000-04:00

I've added a new feature to this blog, over on the right, below the picture. It's a countdown! It counts down to my last day commuting to D.C. for work. It should reach zero as I begin my two-hour journey home on that day.

But I have to tell you, as much as I won't miss the commute, I might miss some of the characters on the train. It's five improv (not for children) performances a week, Monday through Friday, starting promptly at 4:55. Get there early so you can get a good seat.

As creatures of habit, regular commuters tend to find a particular car and ride in it every time, creating a melting pot of personalities --

-loud, quiet,
-black, white, tan
-gay, straight, indifferent, homophobic, closeted,
-effervescent, abrasive,
-thoughtful, thoughtless,
-lawyers, waitresses, cubicle drones,
-generous, poor,
-old, young, new --

Take all of these ingredients, add alcohol, train delays, out-of-order restrooms, unreliable HVAC, and frequent light-hearted and sometimes filthy insults.

Pour into tight quarters on the upper gallery of a Chicago car.
Sprinkle the mix with unsuspecting, infrequent commuters who sit down below--

- the occasional tee-totaller who glares at the freely-passed bottles of beer or liquor

- the woman who thought she'd sleep all the way home

- the prude

- the sourpuss

(It will stir itself).

Finally, just for color, garnish with a hot college girl next to the homosexual.

Prissmas is coming! Prissmas is coming!

2007-04-11T11:00:00.000-04:00

Prissmastime is almost here. So unclench and get ready for a stream of "I told you so!"

You may not know that each year, for several years now, we've been celebrating Prissmas in April. Traditionally, Prissmas falls on the Saturday nearest Hitler's birthday. We make this reference not because of any affinity for Hitler, but because it's fun to point out that Lady Prisspott shares the same birthday - perhaps even the same year, we can't be sure, (there's an eraser hole in Prisspott's birth certificate).

"What," you ask, "is Prissmas?"

Prissmas is the celebration of the spirit of "I told you so."

You told your dear, dear friend the Dorothy Hammell look went away with the previous century, but did she listen? No. She went and got the awful bob and is now telecommuting until her hair grows out. You've been tactfully supportive and understanding, but now it's PRISSMAS! Call her up and scream "I TOLD YOU NOT TO GET THAT HAIRCUT!" then bask in a warm feeling that's reminiscent of peeing in the pool.

Let's get you started on YOUR Prissmas celebration.

Traditional Garb:

An apron and lei. You can wear other things in addition to the apron and lei, but it's not required.

Decorations:

A dead tree branch, painted pink. Stick it in the ground outside and adorn it with rats and crabs. The original Prissmas tree also had plastic martini glasses and orange ribbon.

Food:

Anything that can be cooked in a bonfire that would at first cause one to think, "Hmmm. No. I'm not eating that." But in actuality, really isn't half bad.

Mountain Pies: Two slices of bread, slathered with anything, enclosed in a pie iron and stuck into the bonfire.

Pre-Packaged Stuff: Bags of chips, cookies, easily shared finger foods in burnable packages.

Beverages:

Liquor. There's no explanation necessary. Liquor is liquor. You know what to do. Besides, it'll help loosen your tongue. "I told you those pants made you look . . . fatter."

Beer. For those who have to drive.

Other. It doesn't matter which. In fact, don't even bother. If someone needs to drink 'other' beverages, they're probably not at your Prissmas gathering.

Events:

Prissmas Bonfire: It's not Prissmas without a bonfire. And it's not a Prissmas bonfire unless it's secretly doused with gas before some unsuspecting fool lights it (THWOOM!) More than a few eyebrows have been lost in this manner. For many months we've been carting our scrap wood and burnables out to the field at Prisspott Manor and piling high the Prissmas pyre.

The Bonfire Ballet: You set your chairs up around the, as yet unlit, bonfire and chat and gab with your 'friends.' Of course (ala Musical Chairs) there's never enough chairs for everyone, so some have to stand around and chat. THWOOM! You get up from the ground, shield your face from the fire while reaching for your overturned chair to pull it further away from the fire to a more comfortable temperature. (Like, say, Cleveland.) Those without an original chair can take this moment to snag a chair from one of the other people who haven't yet come to. The fire begins to burn down a bit and you start to notice the nip in the air. So you scootch your chair closer. You might take this opportunity to refill your drink - or, if you're drinking from the bottle, to open another. Again - people without a chair can take this refill time to commandeer a seat for themselves. Rinse and repeat.

The Who-Catches-On-Fire-First-Pool (Also known as Flaming Queen): This is probably self-explanatory, given the details of the Prissmas Bonfire. In our circles, we can't actually have the betting pool, because everyone predicts it will be Lady Prisspott. Clearly, she's a crowd favorite, what with the tree incident, and the flaming gas can incident, and, well, these would just take up an entirely different blog entry to explain. Suffice it to say, she's a shoe-in to win every year. (Sometimes, when the spirit of Prissmas hits us, we even try to set her on fire at other times of the year. What fun. Good times.)

Liquor Spitter: Take a swig of cheap, gosh-awful-tasting liquor straight from the bottle. Swagger as close to the bonfire as you (safely?) can. Spit the liquor into the bonfire. The bigger the FWOOSH!--the more right you are when you said 'I told you so.' You'll need others to watch, because after the FWOOSH, you're either getting sick from the icky booze or running around screaming "MY EYES! MY EYES!" like a big sissy.

Walk the Plank: You did it when you were little, why did you ever stop? It's the let's-see-how-this-burns game. Take those little plastic soldier men and afix them to the end of a stick, then put him in the fire! "I'm melllllltingggg!" Empty wine bottle? Most of them melt (some may even explode - or so I'm told by old One Eye). Place it in the perfect spot of glowing embers and argue with the others who try to move it with the stick to the OTHER perfect spot. (The next afternoon, you can collect from the ashes anything that didn't entirely burn up and make jewelry!)

Prissmas Carols: Bore your friends to tears by singing EVERY LAST Prissmas carol in your own Prissmas Carol Book. Here's the first ever Prissmas Carol.

Prissmas is Coming
(To the tune of Christmas is Coming - and can be sung in a round!)

Prissmas is coming
We’ll rub it in your face
Time to bust your chops and
Put you in your place

If you’ve had a lapse in judgement
(A small faux pas will do)
If you’ve made a slight mistake
You know that we’ll tell you
We’ll tell you!

The Burning of the Prissmas Tree:

After you've removed your keepsake crabs and rats, the Prissmas tree is 'uprooted' and with great whooping and fanfare, tossed onto the bonfire. You may even choose to sing O Prissmas Tree.

O Prissmas Tree
(To the tune of O Christmas Tree)

O Prissmas Tree O Prissmas Tree
We’re so much more superior

O Prissmas Tree O Prissmas Tree
You can kiss our posterior

We’ve come to say “I told you so!”
And lift our thumbs up to our nose.

O Prissmas Tree O Prissmas Tree
We know that you’re inferior.

The greatest compliment that can ever be bestowed upon a Prissmas event hostess is -- "You've RURNT Prissmas!" And it must be pronounced 'rurnt.' (It means ruined.) If someone says this to you at Prissmastime, it means you've sufficiently shattered any hopes that some faux pas they've performed over the past year has been forgotten. You've crossed the line then. It's progressed from a frivolous outting of light-hearted, friendly jabs to the true meaning of Prissmas, self satisfaction that you were, indeed, right. And now, everyone knows it.

Thank you for your generosity !

2007-04-03T09:17:00.000-04:00

My hopes of a smooth transition to college life is becoming a reality. The donations have started pouring in from all over the country.

Well, THE donation has poured in and it should put a dent into the price of some books.

I promise that everything donated to this college endeavor will be used for college.

So, pull out your change jars and dig in the sofa. Pennies make dollars!

And I swear, we will NOT eat Dora.

Train of Thought

2007-03-30T14:39:00.000-04:00

A common term, bandied about on the train, is 'management.'

Management, in that circle, means "my wife."
Senior Management means "mother" or "mother-in-law."
The Cartel is the circle of commuter's wives [management] who know and talk to each other.

Used in a sentence, "I'd love to come to the pub tonight, but the cartel told management what I did last time, so I'm on lockdown."

Now, since I'm gay, I happen to be a curiosity for the eunuchs. There is no female in my household, who is management?

I tell them, there IS no management, but then they insist it must be me. "Because," insert circular logic "Only management would deny being management." [Remember Life of Brian? - "Only the true Messiah would deny his divinity!"]

Seriously, I live in a cooperative. Co-ops, for short "are based on the values of self-help, self-responsibility, democracy, equality, equity and solidarity. . . . Co-operative members believe in the ethical values of honesty, openness, social responsibility and caring for others." - Wikipedia

They vehemently deny the existance of such an entity in a married household.

Once, I told my husband I wanted to go to the strip club (See Strip Club Epiphanies) and did he have any objections? A courtesy, really.

"Ah HA!"
What?
"You asked permission to go out. HE's management."

So, time passes and they ask a question here and there, trying to nail the title of management to one of us.
"Who handles the money?"
My paycheck pays for [list], his paycheck pays for [list].
"Who does the dishes?"
Like that would determine it? We both do.
"Who decides where to go on vacation?"
We both agree on when and where to go out, but I am more social than he is.
"Ah HA!"
What?
"YOU'RE MANAGEMENT!"

[I shake my head.]

Time passes again and we're all at a pub. I am observed coming from the bar multiple times with our beers.
"Ah HA!"
What?
"Your serving HIM ! HE must be management!"

[I shake my head.]

Really, I suspect they only do this to rankle me, but they come across as wild animals, raised in captivity, who have no IDEA that there is a better way of living. Their pea-sized, henpecked brains cannot be wrapped around the philosophy of a cooperative existence. It MUST be dominate or be dominated. (Which, of course, can be fun now and again - but I digress.)

[Still shaking my head.]

It has now occurred to me that the Eunuchs claim I am part of the cartel. I must confront them this evening and solve the conundrum: If HE is management [which they are currently insisting] then how can I be in the cartel?

Hmmmm? One of two things will happen:
1) More circular logic or
2) Their heads will explode.

I need to buy a slicker.

Save Dora !

2007-03-28T09:44:00.000-04:00

How to raise tuition for college.

(I)
The order in which we would eat our pets if we run low on funds because of college.*

(II) (These ideas were inspired by my train friends.)

1) $100 dollars for every time I answer a commuter's wife with "I don't know." when she asks about your TR (Train Romance).
2) $30 dollars and I won't 'act straight' and charming when there's a new girl on the train.
3) Sell individual beers to train riders for a profit.**
4) $40 dollars and I'll promise not to do the open-mouth-insert-beer-bottle trick that makes the straight guys nervous.***

(III)
$500 and I'll cut my hair.

(IV)
$100 and I'll wear to work the ugliest sweater (that I'm knitting right now) for a whole week. - This offer has been withdrawn. First I'd have to finish the damn thing.

(V)
$40 + Materials and I'll knit you a scarf or a hat.

(VI)
$50 and I'll retract my statement on this jacket/dress ensemble

(*We would certainly NOT eat our pets.)
(** Probably illegal, so I wouldn't do it.)
(*** Another $40 would eliminate the beer CAN option.)

Strip Club Epiphanies II

2007-03-19T15:18:00.000-04:00

I started to watch the women at center stage ply their craft. Chairs line the curved edge of the oval-shaped, knee-high stage, which was divided lengthwise with a mirrored wall.

As disinterested as I was in any parts that the women shaved or jiggled, I focused on their faces and their shoes. Wait a minute. They wear makeup? Aside from me, who's ever going to be paying attention to their faces? That's not where one stuffs the dollar bills. Every single performer had a far away look in their eyes, like the expression a cat gets in the litterbox. Ironically, as disinterested as I was in their bodies, they were just as disinterested in the men looking at their bodies.

Like, I said, I'm watching their faces and when they faced their 'client' they shook and jiggled and gave them a you're-the-only-one look, but when they turned away to gyrate and expose other parts, their faces transformed to a mental shopping list. You could actually see them go somewhere else in their heads--like, "Did I leave the iron on?" Right, like you own an iron.

So, guys - and girls - this epiphany is going to be a little difficult to digest, so you'd better sit down. It's better you learn it hear than face the harsh reality in the field. Ready? When you're getting a lap dance, they don't really mean it.

I spent the rest of the time waiting for my friends with my back to the stages, playing video games and getting multiple high scores in all of the spelling and strategy games until they arrived. (If you ever want to feel really good about yourself play the spelling games at a redneck bar.)

While I played, one of the diminutive performers in her street clothes took the bar stool next to me and ordered a drink. ("Is it her? Can it be? Is she one of the performers?") I tried not to stare and while trying not to stare, I had another epiphany. I was in a place where one is supposed to stare. All this time, I'm politely trying NOT to stare, when I paid a cover charge in order to do just that. (Like I said before, this is not one of my usual haunts.)

She smiled at me as she took her drink and cigarettes and deftly climbed down from the stool, without spilling a drop, then headed to the dressing room to prepare. The performance time was drawing closer and the big, mirrored stage was transforming. The wall of mirrors were slid back into the wall to reveal an entire other room! Chairs were placed all the way around a now 360 degree stage. This new room had couches that surrounded mini stages with poles. There were steps up to another bar, neon and pool tables and a mechanical bull! Very exciting.

All of the non-dancing employees scurried about to make this new room ready. These busy men all wore their "court clothes." You know, jackets and ties, slacks and button down shirts that working stiffs wear to court to appear, I dunno, respectable? Innocent? (I'm sure judges are fooled all the time.) It's hard to describe how these men didn't look natural in what they were wearing. Maybe it was the expression on their faces, or the haircuts that didn't really go with the ensemble, or even the L-O-V-E / H-A-T-E tattooed on their knuckles, I'm not sure.

You'll remember, I took some time to think about what to wear to a strip club. It was a wasted effort. In a sea of flannel and Lynard Skynard t-shirts , I was wearing a nice black button shirt with a subtle vertical design in a shinier black. What a mistake. Do you know how well the black lights pick up ANY specs of lint on a black shirt? So, for you who may take that first visit to a gentlemen's club, dress for a bar room brawl, because whether you look nice or not, what really gets their attention is the denomination you wave near their Jello.

And while speaking of clothing, I was amazed at how stretchy some of the women's clothing was. Some of the girls would finish their shift and pull what seemed like a scrunchy, or one of those sporty rubberbands off of their wrist. These would magically be stretched over their head and arms then be tugged wider to cover their goodies. I'm telling you, I have never seen anything like it, but again, none of my sisters shop at the Hoochies Be Us either. (Well, maybe one, based on what she wore to our sister's wedding, but I digress.)

Next epiphany: Just TWO rubberbands, and all your naughty bits are covered. Why, oh WHY then do women need walk-in closets? Oh, nevermind, I know. The shoes.

Still more to come.

Send Chuck to Finishing School !

2007-03-15T09:38:00.000-04:00

I know that many of you would agree that Chuck could use some refinement.

Years ago I was well on my way to a degree in English and Education at St. Mary's College of Maryland. A strong student with A's and B's, Dean's List all that jazz, I overloaded with credits every semester and studied while I worked the night audit at the local motor inn.

But then, tragedy struck. (Cue melancholy music, cut to me walking in park in Winter, as you hear my taped story.)

My father became gravely ill. He was hospitalized and diagnosed with cancer. He was too far gone and remained unconscious. I left my job and took some time off from my classes to be with him and console my sister. Eventually, I made the difficult decision to remove him from life support. When he died, he was penniless and it took whatever college money I had to get his affairs in order and take care of his funeral arrangements, so I withdrew from school completely.

I decided then that I could be penniless and jobless anywhere, so I moved to Washington, D.C. (Cue That Girl theme music.) At first I paid rent with credit card cash advances until I found work as a flower delivery guy - which paid for beer, while I still paid rent with the credit card.

Eventually I succumbed to pressure from friends and found a 'real' job that has benefits and holidays and the like.

But now, after 11 years of cubicle nonsense, I've decided to quit my job in D.C. (goodbye commute!) and enroll at Shepherd University in West Virginia to complete my English and Education degree with the goal of teaching (Cue Laverne & Shirley theme music).

Nearly all of the 'General Studies' and electives bologna have transfered as well as a number of the classic English courses, so I'll be taking pretty much only Literature and Education classes. (YAY!)

But how on EARTH are we going to pay the mortgage and buy groceries and pet food (not the same) on top of college tuition? (Would someone PLEASE think of the children! - Soldier, Maxi, Dora and Blue.)

Here's where you can help Chuck in finishing school.

Sending money with PayPal is as easy as typing in an e-mail address and clicking send, and it only takes a minute to sign up.

My e-mail address is

poizniv@gmail.com

I am, of course, leery of publishing my street address, but if you know it already, I will gladly deposit any checks I receive in my mail box.

When you visit, you could also drop any spare change into the 'College Fund' jar as well.

I am proud, but I am also not rich.

Beauty is in the Eye

2007-03-03T17:41:00.000-05:00

On the discussion of beauty, Just Chuck and Lady Prisspott bored some of their good friends with an endless and painful diatribe.

Boiled down for blog visitors:

LP says: there must be things that are considered beautiful in all cultures.

Chuck reply: Are there? I don't think so.

Blah blah blah blah ....nature
Blah blah blah blah ....nurture
Blah blah blah blah ....jab at Chuck's hair

The whole conversation stems from:
LP likes P. Cruz's Oscars dress and Just-Chuck doesn't AND because the majority of people (interested) agree with LP, LP must be more right.

LP feels: a majority attraction must point to a universality.
Just Chuck says: No. It merely points to a majority.

I'd like to put it to a test, but all a response would show is that a portion likes this and a portion likes that.

But on a whim, for the pitifully few people who actually visit my blog:
what do you think of this blonde's dress and jacket ensemble?

Please, no comments about the blonde.

Blasts from the Past.

2007-03-02T15:43:00.000-05:00

I hopped on Myspace a little bit ago. Created a profile - which pretty much redirects folks to this spot.

It was SO depressing. It's a place where you link to other friends spots and they link back to yours and your profile keeps a running tally of ALL your friends.

SO.

You create a profile and it says.

"You have ONE friends."

And that's TOM. Just a myspace guy. I guess they feel NO ONE should be friendless. So they automatically stick TOM in there.

Thanks, Tom.

Delete Tom yes/no?

YES YES YES YES YES YES YES

Okay so now,

"You have ZERO friends."

Okay, that's just plain awful. SO, you search around (during work of course) for people you know. Send invites and friend requests and you build yourself up to the current, "You have 13 friends."

Okay, not as bad as one or zero, but nothing near as good as the friend whores who still have "TOM" and hundreds of other people linked to their page.

SO, you start broadening your search......

Hmm. Who do I know, who did I know, whom have I ever known my entire life?

Which brings me to my point today.

I located a friend from 20 years ago. We were stationed at the same place.
Hung out with the same folks and had much the same interests and pursuits.

Lots of fun.

We later went to the same college. He and his wife let me bunk at their house for a while. Still good stuff.

But, then I left that college for another one.

We didn't really write.

Pretty much lost contact.

But now he's found again. And I've redirected him to THIS page.

SO- NOW I have to hurry up and add a post here so the FIRST thing he sees when he gets here isn't "GAY CARD REQUIREMENTS."

HI MILES ! Good to find you again. How's Carla?
Click around a bit to get caught up. And I'll chat with you soon!

Gay Card Punch Stock

2007-02-28T15:24:00.000-05:00

Okay, thinking some more...

None of the items on the card would necessarily be requirements.

But a certain percentage of punches on the card would signify gaydom.

Divide the card into quadrants: Movies/Shows, Creativity and ?? ??

List the top ten movies/shows all gay men MUST see and quote lines or songs.

The top ten abilities the man must possess
Sewing
Cooking
Figure Skating
Hairstyling
Aesthetician

What about taboos? You, know, for the flip side of the card.

If you do these things, you could lose your card.
Socks with sandals.
Dark socks with shorts.

This is too hard.

How to wash a cat - easy step-by-step video.

2007-02-28T14:34:00.000-05:00

"How to wash a cat."

Gay Card Requirements

2007-02-27T12:12:00.000-05:00

Sunday night four guys and two girls (three gay, three not) gathered 'round the television set to watch the 79th Oscars, make our predictions and play Oscar Bingo.

"I can't believe no one has said 'Who are you wearing?' yet."
"Come on, just thank your 'amazing wife' and I've got Bingo."
"If someone trips, I've got two Bingos."

"BINGO! He screwed up reading the teleprompter!"

So anyhoo, Lady Prisspott was commenting on all the notched lapels and ill-fitting this and that. When looking at all the long gowns and the care the women are taking to keep people from stepping on their trains, Lady Prisspott said "I know how they feel."

To which I truthfully replied, "Me too."

It occurred to us both, that this could be something that belongs on the gay card.

According to the Urban Dictionary A Gay Card is a mythical figurative membership credential carried by gay men to commemorate the innate knowledge, ability, or sensibility with regard to any subject matter traditionally and generally considered to be the purview of gay men, such as show tunes, color coordination, fashion, hairstyling, interior decoration, or knowing whether any particular man in the vicinity is gay without requiring him to present his gay card.

A Gay Card can also be stamped or punched when a man (usually straight) performs a stereotypical gay action such as interior decorating, color coordinating, etc. At a certain point the card is filled and the person is deemed gay.

So, help me out here. Aside from the obvious sexual events, what ARE the requirements for a gay card? What categories / events / talents / abilities do you think should be listed and punchable?

Hmmm. Let's get you started.

Talents:
Floral Arrangement
Color Coordination
Interior Decorating

Have seen and can quote lines from these movies:
Valley of the Dolls
Mommy, Dearest
The Women

What aspects of fashion are required?
What show tunes must be in the repertoir?

Send them in ! The most appropriate will be chosen and incorporated into the 2007 Gay Card.

Too Stupid to be True

2007-02-26T09:19:00.000-05:00

Our local paper, The Journal (Serving the Eastern Counties of West Virginia Since 1907), has a feature on page A6 called the Journal Junction. It's where people call or write in their short comments, complaining or praising whatever has recently soured their milk or sweetened their pot. (In the old days, one would just blame it on the local witch, but in today's enlightened society, you send your 'bitch' to The Journal.)

I came across this gem last Friday. I absolutely cannot believe this was a sincere newspaper entry--someone HAD to be playing stupid when they submitted this entry....

Apparently it's in response to another person's post regarding the outdated practice of daylight savings.

"From Hedgesville:"
To the Inwood caller complaining about the change in March to Daylight Savings Time. Don't you realize that the flowers need all the sun they can get in the spring? Any grade school child knows this.

I love it.

Oh oh oh! THIS JUST IN . . .

In Monday's Journal Junction....

"From Martinsburg:"

To the caller from Hedgesville about changing to daylight savings time in March. It has nothing to do with more sunglight for flowers to grow. The amount of sunlight is still the same. The difference is there will be more daylight in the evening.

New Jersey beats 47 other states in the race to enlightenment!

2007-02-23T09:37:00.000-05:00

Teaneck, New Jersey
(AP)

State Officially Recognizes Civil Unions of Gay Couples
Hundreds of gay couples were granted the same legal rights as married couples Monday as New Jersey became the third U.S. state to offer civil unions. More than a dozen other couples applied for licenses for ceremonies later in the week. The civil unions were granted automatically to the hundreds of gay New Jersey coupls who had previously been joined in civil unions or married in other states or nations. (AP)

Terrorist Cell Phones

2007-02-17T12:11:00.000-05:00

I just got off the phone with Cingular (Now AT&T).

Months ago, I sent them e-mailed inquiries about sweet deals on new phones (with all the bells and whistles).

I asked them, where are all the huge discounts for loyal customers? The sent me a response about when I was available for an upgrade.

I told them - I don't want to sign a new contract. I want a cool new phone at the outrageously low LOW price!

They sent me information on when I was available for an upgrade.

I wrote back "Don't tell me about your upgrade thingy. Tell me about fantastic discounts for loyal, already Cingular customers."

So they didn't write back.

Okay, so now my contract is up in just a few short months, and I called Cingular and explained their logic to them.

If the only way to get a cooooooool phone that plays music and videos and does the dishes and walks the dog is to sign a new 2 year contract, what's to keep me WITH Cingular?

All the phone companies offer that. If I can't get a brand spankin' new phone without a 2 year contract, I'm going to shop around.

"Well" they say "we can offer you this one time discount bringing the phone down to [something] dollars with a 2 year contract."

"I DON'T WANT A CONTRACT!"

They just kept pushing the contract.

I told them I'm going to shop around because there's no real incentive for me to stay.

Yes, I'll admit it. I want something for nothing. It's that simple.

Consolidating my E-xistance

2007-02-16T12:18:00.000-05:00

I've been feeling fragmented lately. Kind of spread thin and in more places at once than I ought to be.

"SIMPLIFY !" Should be my mantra, but I find it hard to self-enforce.

SO, trying to simplify - I'm migrating all my Web existance to this one place.

(LOOK UP AND TO THE RIGHT!)

That means - my pagan notes, my letterboxing, my stage reviews, and the like, should all be linkable from this very spot.

I'm thinking, it's cleaner, it's streamlined, and I can give out one url and let folks navigate on their own.

I have one log in to remember and one template to work from.

SIMPLIFY !

Strip Club Epiphanies I

2007-01-10T14:46:00.001-05:00

After a work day of the usual length (leave the house at 6:15 a.m. and get home at 7 p.m.) I flopped down on the couch in zombie state until it was time to get ready to go out.

What DOES one wear to a strip club? I assumed that one would want to look nice. So I showered and took the time to tame my hair and scrape a razor across my cheeks. Clean, stylish jeans, black button-up shirt and black boots.

I stopped to kiss the hubby and promise I wouldn't be at the strip club too long - he didn't seem worried in the least. Along the way, I stopped at 7-Eleven for a small coffee to keep me awake, then drove - almost directly to the strip joint. (Only one wrong turn!)

I finished off the coffee in the parking lot and joined a gaggle of oglers at the door. The gaggle looked like they were on a family outting to the strip club. Two, older parent types with their drinking age children on a lark. (That's why I was there, anyway.)

I paid my $10 at the door and walked in to a surprisingly nice, almost elegant atmosphere. Tasteful lighting everywhere provided just enough glow to make all the ladies passably attractive.

Imagined conversation between regular patrons.
RALPH: Evenin', Sam.
SAM: Evenin', Ralph. Wow, it's kinda dark in here tonight.
RALPH: Yeh, Susan's working.
SAM: Ah, riiiiiight.

There are stages on the left and directly in front of me that are equipped with floor to ceiling poles that are getting a LOT of attention from women who are wearing only high-heeled shoes. So, of course, I made an immediate right to the bar. I found a spot at the end and ordered a beer and turned the stool to observe the scenery.

First thing I notice is the guys sitting at the bar watching "the game." I don't remember what sport was on, because I was too busy thinking that they just paid a cover charge to come watch "the game" at a strip club. I guess that gives a whole new meaning to 'boob tube.'

Interupted by a deeply thought out, insightful theory here -
If you're at a strip club, watching television and it's not "the game" - you're gay.

While looking around some more, a certain women stopped in profile, directly in front of me, quite close and blocking my line of sight. I leaned left, then right, to see around her, and she moved on. I thought nothing of it, until it happened the third time.

I mean, she's standing really close, making it impossible to look at anything but her, forcing me - an avid reader - to ponder what Ramone did to earn a permanant signature upon her hilly valley (not to be confused with her mountainous peaks - I didn't read those chapters). So, as I pondered the depth of her character plot, it occurred to me

- this scantily clad woman is invading my personal space -- a lot.
This was immediately followed by another thought -
"Idiot. She's working and you're treating her like an obstructed-view seat at the opera."
Well, no sooner did I have that epiphany, then I guess she realized I was blind or gay and deleted me from her paper route.

More to come.

Just a Small Tease

2007-01-10T14:13:00.000-05:00

I heard about it on the train . . .
Midget dancers at the strip club.

As soon as I heard it, my mind just boggled. At first, I couldn't think in complete thoughts.
"Wha.... "You mean.... "It can't just...."

Then my first complete thought, "I MUST GO!"

You must know by now that a strip club is not my cup of tea. Especially one that caters to straight men. Anyhoo, I wasn't going to go for the boobies or the wahoos.

Need reasons to go?

Reason 1) I've never been to a 'gentlemen's club.' I'm all for experiential living. There are some opportunities one should just not let pass by. If you get the chance,

Sky dive
Bungee jump
Ride the elephant
Go to a strip club to see diminutive dancers

Reason 2) Cocktail party conversation, which can be delivered in oh, so many ways.

Taunting - "Guess what I did last Friday."
Dropping smart bombs - "Oh yes, they have that kind of pool table at the strip club and . . ." "Wait, what were you doing at a strip club?"
Blurting out - "OH MY GAWD ! I JUST SAW . . ."

So now you know what I did last Friday, but you don't have an account of the evening. This is just a small teaser of an evening that is still burned into my mind's eye.

Be patient, my pretties, I will write about it soon.

Impulse Not Buying

2007-01-09T09:26:00.000-05:00

I wrote in an earlier post that we paid off a credit card bill and a college loan rather than buying Solstice presents for each other at home.

Well, ... Retailers report disappointing December sales
NEW YORK (AP) - An already disappointing holiday shopping season turned out to be even worse than expected for many of the nation's retailers, who Thursday reported tepid sales gains for December.

Speaking of not buying presents . . . If you are committed to reducing your debt and simplifying your life, I found The Compact quite interesting. (Though maybe too extreme for me.)

Here's the blurb from their Yahoo Group.

Welcome to The Compact.
We are a group of individuals committed to a 12-month flight from the consumer grid (calendar year 2007).

The Compact has several aims (more or less prioritized below):

To go beyond recycling in trying to counteract the negative global environmental and socioeconomic impacts of disposable consumer culture and to support local businesses, farms, etc. -- a step that, we hope, inherits the revolutionary impulse of the Mayflower Compact.
To reduce clutter and waste in our homes (as in trash Compact-er).
To simplify our lives (as in Calm-pact)

We've agreed to follow two principles (see exceptions etc. on our blog).

#1 Don't buy new products of any kind (from stores, web sites, etc.)

#2 Borrow, barter, or buy used.

And this from another source:

New members, who sign up on the group's Yahoo Web site, include seniors on fixed incomes, farmers in Alabama and self-proclaimed shopaholics who say they have a problem and need help. (Read the full article in the San Francisco Chronicle .)

And this from Wikipedia

Retail pricing
The pricing technique used by most retailers is cost-plus pricing. This involves adding a markup amount (or percentage) to the retailers cost.

So, think about what your throwing your money away on and to whom you are throwing it. Are you getting your money's worth? Where is your paycheck going?

Will not buying anything new for a year hurt the economy? Doubtful.

There will always be a demand for things that are new, because things wear out.

There will always be an abundance of folks who MUST HAVE that purse to match their shoes - ALL OF THEIR SHOES.

However, if retailers price what the market will bear, (how much you're willing to spend for an item) we can send a message (even though it may fall on deaf ears) that their pricing is becoming unbearable.

It's a thought.

Turn Your Head and Cough

2007-01-05T14:22:00.000-05:00

Anticipating the need for a graphic for an upcoming blog entry, and searching Google images with the word 'midget' - I came across (or rather, found) this photo, at www.history.navy.mil which just begs for a witty caption.

Any suggestions?

Hypocrite Alert

2006-12-28T10:05:00.000-05:00

7 Va. Episcopal Parishes Vote to Sever Ties
By Bill Turque and Michelle Boorstein, Washington Post Staff Writers
Monday, December 18, 2006

Excerpts from The Washington Post article:

At least seven Virginia Episcopal parishes, opposed to the consecration of a gay bishop and the blessing of same-sex unions, have voted overwhelmingly to break from the U.S. church in a dramatic demonstration of widening rifts within the denomination.

The defections are likely to continue. Two other small Northern Virginia churches, Our Saviour Episcopal in Oatlands and Church of the Epiphany in Herndon, are expected to vote on separation early next year.

Conservative congregations have left the church in the past, including in the 1970s, when ordinations of women began, and a number have done so since Robinson's election.

Click here for the full article.

Okay, okay, okay, I KNOW I'm going to be pissing off some Episcopals, but I don't know any so that's fine. (Just as some of you don't know any homosexuals.)

A "shaken" Katrina Wagner is quoted in the above article as saying "the issue is: Are we going to follow Scripture?"

Which scripture, Katrina?

"As in all the congregations of the saints, women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the Law says. If they want to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church." 1 Corinthians 14.

You, Katrina, remain a quiet member of the church as they ordain women (which assumes that after ordination they are allowed to preach in church rather than remain silent), but wave a battle flag when they consecrate a gay bishop? Come on.

Hire Me!

2006-12-20T11:12:00.000-05:00

Charles Walker
Martinsburg, West Virginia

walker.chuck@gmail.com

Objective
A position that allows for my organizational skills and creativity in a positive environment in the Martinsburg, W.V. area.

Work Experience

Project Manager
9/1997 - Present Graduate School, USDA, Washington, D.C.
Primary editor and coordinator for all print marketing (catalogs, brochures, postcards, etc.) for the Graduate School, USDA. Discuss requirements for design of marketing materials with customers, identifying key information and offer guidance and direction based on an assessment of product specifications and customer needs. Schedule projects and manages internal staff to assure that customer’s project requirements are communicated and met. Determine need for outsourcing and takes appropriate steps to assure projects are kept on schedule. Act as manager and liaison between graphic designer, client, proofreader for all marketing materials. Develop and communicate project schedules and budgets (with cost estimates). Adjust to reflect customer feedback and staff input. Share weekly projects status reports with Communications Office and Business Development staff. Develop marketing proposals and options for enterprise wide and individual unit participation. Research alternatives, assess cost implications and determine if and how the effort can be tracked.

Member
1/1995 - Present Federal City Performing Arts Association, Washington, D.C.
A member of the Federal City Performing Arts for over a decade, bringing organizational skills and performance talent to numerous productions, serving as property master, stage and set design and construction, costume design and construction, master of ceremonies, vocal and instrumental performance, assistant stage director, choreographer and stagehand. Also performed on the stages of such places as Carnegie Hall and The Kennedy Center, for presidents and royalty.

Designer
4/1996 - 9/1997 Florist's Workshop, Bethesda, Maryland
In addition to floral design, responsibilities included company reorganization and planning to raise profits and lower overhead, creating forms for daily sales records, calculating yearly income from various categories of sales and monthly percentages of those sales, creating a system to make wired orders more profitable, company tax preparation, and customer service. My experience at the Florist's Workshop gave me the skill and confidence to later organize and prepare the flowers for two weddings, which included bridal bouquets, boutonnières, corsages, pew clips, centerpieces and large sprays.

Auditor
3/1994 - 3/1996 Belvedere Motor Inn/Days Inn, Lexington Park, Maryland
Maintained computer records of daily accounts and yearly running totals for 250-room hotel, daily cash deposits, electronic credit deposits and reports, customer service, telephone operator, and reservations while attending college full-time.

Customer Service/Night Stock
6/1992 - 6/1993 Wal-Mart, Toccoa, Georgia
Performed register sales, customer service, maintenance and stock of modular items, and kept three departments organized while attending college full-time.

Customer Service
10/1990 - 5/1991 Baltimore Aircoil Company, Laurel, Maryland
Responsible for production of various standard business letters, maintained sales files for national sales representatives, maintained monthly and yearly sales numbers for Maryland, California, and Canada plants, and performed as customer service liaison.

Cryptologic Technician Interpretive
9/1985 - 10/1990 U.S. NAVY, United States and Korea, Maryland
Korean Translator

Education
Pursuing information to complete English and Education degree at Shepherd University, Shepherdstown, West Virginia

1994 - 1996 St. Mary's College of Maryland, St. Mary's, Maryland
Major in English and Education.
1991 - 1993 Toccoa Falls College, Toccoa, Georgia
Major: Performing Arts

Skills
Adobe Acrobat

Adobe Photoshop

Hypertext Markup Language (HTML)

Lotus Notes

Microsoft Access

Microsoft Excel

Microsoft Project Manager

Microsoft Word

Microsoft PowerPoint

WordPerfect

American Sign Language

References available upon request.

Against the Spirit of the Season / What's in Your Wallet?

2006-12-13T13:23:00.000-05:00

My husband and I gave each other our Solstice presents early this year.

I was 'doing math' last Sunday. In our household, 'doing math' means adding up the bills that are due, the minimum payments, the monthly payments, looking at what we have coming in, what absolutely must go out right away, and finally, our total debt amount.

After the situation was thoroughly assessed, I turned to Mike and told him the news.

We had a choice to make. After we pay everything that's due, we have enough left over to buy each other presents, or pay off a credit card bill completely.

Against the spirit of the season, we chose to pay off the credit card. I called the company and asked for a total payoff amount and made it happen over the phone. Then I wrote "PAID IN FULL" on the remittance slip and put it under the Yule tree.

Since then, we smile and make happy reference to it. "We paid off a credit card bill. Happy Solstice, Honey." And when we watch television and see all the 'must-have-hot-items-for-Christmas' commercials, we just smile to ourselves or at each other and sit content that we got what we really wanted for the holidays -- a little bit closer to our dream of being debt free.

Baptist Witch Hunts / Catholic Closets / Anti-Lesby Presbys and Lunatic Ravings

2006-11-28T15:34:00.000-05:00

Roman Catholics say Stay in the Closet!

The nation's Roman Catholic bishops, meeting in Baltimore, declared [recently] that Catholics who minister to gays must firmly adhere to the church's teaching that same-sex attractions are "disordered." Catholics with "a homosexual inclination" should be encouraged to live in chastity and discouraged from making "general public announcements" about their sexual orientation, the bishops said. (Herald Sun)

Baptists Begin Witch Hunts

The Baptist State Convention of North Carolina voted [recently] to cut ties with congregations that affirm or approve of homosexuality, formally adopting a rigid anti-gay policy that allows the group to investigate whether member churches are gay friendly. (Washington Post)

Presbyterian's Kangaroo Court

And recently in Pittsburgh, the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.), a mainline Protestant denomination with about 3 million members, put a minister on trial for conducting a marriage ceremony for two women. (Herald Sun)

Here's a little test. Who is not going to hell? (A trick question.)

A) The new mother attending a church social dinner (shrimp and steak tar tar!) in the church sanctuary with her husband and month old daughter. The mother is sporting a mohawk, and a neck tattoo is just visible above the rabbit fur trimmed patchwork sweater that goes quite well with the artfully faded men's Levi's.

B) The kindly, hunched over, nearsighted virgin priest/pastor.

C) The slaveowner

D) All or None of the above

I do not cotton to or subscribe to the Christian religion, so why does it bug the heck out of me when one of them believes that I and others like me are going to a hell of their making?

Their afterlife punishment for transgressions against their law should not bother me in the slightest.

I know, it shouldn't matter to me what they think. Yet still, I know that in their heart of hearts those people have judged me against their biblical standard and found me unrepentant and wanting. They may be nice, talk to me, even visit and offer presents, but in the back of their mind they're thinking, "You're going to hell." I doubt that many are pleased with that idea within themselves, but there it is.

They have judged and yet refuse to acknowledge judgement by the same measure. As they point out failure to adhere to Levitical strictures of the Old Testament, they themselves fail to abide by all the obsolete guidelines found in the same book. All or nothing people. You can't pick and choose.

This is not a discussion of old covenent vs. new covenent or the arbitrary distinction of moral/civil/ceremonial law. This is selective enforcement.

Just browsing Leviticus you'll find you can't eat rabbit or pork, or even touch the dead rabbit's fur or pig's skin. You can't eat lobster, shrimp or crab. Women can't wear men's clothes. Men can't wear women's clothes. You can't wear clothes woven of two different materials. You can't eat fat or rare steak. You can't go to church for a month if you gave birth to a boy -- two months if it's a girl. Slavery is fine. Priests can't have any defects, not even poor eyesight. Of course one must observe all the feasts, some sans yeast. Oh, and no tattoos or mohawks.

I recently sent a USA Today link to someone about religion and homosexuality. I said it was a great article. She said "I'm sure it is 'great' from your perspective. Please drop the subject." (I picture covered ears and a loud "LA LA LA LA LA LA.") Purposeful ignorance! They won't think logically or absorb any facts that are contrary to their application of biblical law. (The earth goes 'round the sun. HERETIC! ) They will not continue the discussion through to logical ends. They often close their ears or talk over you. Or get to the point where they "drop the subject," "agree to disagree,""hate the sin, love the sinner," or chalk it up to blind faith. (Translation, "No one can prove any of it, but we can still be friends until you go to hell.")

This invasive bigotry changes YOUR quality of life. If YOU don't speak up, and get justifiably angered, it will invade YOUR HOME even more than it does now. I can't get my marriage acknowledged in my state - because of religion. That may not effect you. Can you buy alcohol on Sundays? I can't buy alcohol in my county (at least it's not a dry county) until after 1 p.m. on Sundays. Why? I'm guessing because of an outdated religious-based statute. What other religion-based laws effect you?

As an opiate for the masses, or a coping mechanism - I think religion is fine. More in the way of philosophy and guidelines. (Be kind to others and all things in moderation, you know.) Religion and prayer in most usage is simply verbalized hope and a displacement of worry or anxiety--a tool, used to help people not to obsess about something over which they have no control. It is my opinion, that if they need to personify an energy or create a deity to which they hand these control issues, let them. It's got to be less stressful for them.

I understand but do not feel the need to personify or create a deity to explain anything, to justify my existance or to give me an ultimate goal or destination.

http://www.heraldsun.com/state/6-788517.html
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/11/14/AR2006111401337.html

When Religion Loses its Credibility

How Many Shopping Days 'til Solstice?

2006-11-27T09:50:00.000-05:00

Okay, it has officially begun. I've started getting the cutesy e-mails from friends and relatives who push the Christ in Christmas. The same ones who send me the e-hugs and e-Jesus and e-prayers. (Egads.)

So, I've compiled the information below from various Internet pages and saved it so I could hit 'reply all' and push back.

It is not a CHRISTmas tree. It is a Yule tree. Say it with me, YULE tree. Get it right.

The Christmas tree is often explained as a christianization of the ancient pagan idea that the evergreen tree represents a celebration of the renewal of life. The exact origin of the Christmas tree seems under debate, but it is safe to say that this symbol evolved from Pagan tradition.

The Norse pagans and Celtic Druids revered evergreens as manifestations of deity because they did not "die" from year to year but stayed green and alive when other plants appeared dead and bare. The trees represented everlasting life and hope for the return of spring.

The first Christian use of the Christmas tree symbol is credited to 16th century when devout Christians also brought decorated trees into their homes. German born Prince Albert, husband of Queen Victoria, is credited with starting the trend in England in 1841 when he brought the first Christmas Tree to Windsor Castle.

Yule falls approximately on the Winter Solstice, the shortest day and longest night of the year. After Yule the period of daylight begins to wax, until it reaches the longest day on June 21, the Summer Solstice. For folks in Northern climes, the Winter Solstice was a most welcome day to anticipate at the dark end of the year, and although months of darkness lay ahead, folk could rest assured Sunna's might was on the increase and darkness was waning.

Yule is actually a span of thirteen days, usually counted from the night before the solstice (19 or 20 December, as it varies from year to year ), to the thirteenth night, (usually January 6 called "Twelfth Night" later by Christians). Bede called Yule eve "Mother Night", and it is thought this night was devoted to honouring the Idises (or Disir, female ancestral spirits) the family protectors. The Solstice itself, either 20, 21 or 22 December, is the most important of the days, when the dead and other beings of the dark fare most freely, Winter arrives, and humans are closest to the spirit worlds.

The druids decorated their trees with symbols of prosperity -- a fruitful harvest, coins for wealth and various charms such as those for love or fertility. Scandinavian Pagans are thought to be the first to bring their decorated trees indoors as this provided a warm and welcoming environment for the native fairy folk and tree elementals to join in the festivities. The Saxons, a Germanic pagan tribe, were the first to place lights on the their trees in the form of candles. Ancient Romans decorated their homes with greens at the Festival of Saturnalia, their New Year and exchanged evergreen branches with friends as a sign of good luck.

No matter what you choose to celebrate, a birthday or the increase of daylight, fertility or the miracle of light, Yuletide is a time of peace, renewal, thanksgiving and remembrance. Be sure to tell your family, friends, and friends who are family how much they mean to you.

Tea with the Hedge Sisters - Chapter 2

2006-11-01T13:27:00.000-05:00

"Woo hoooo!" Called Magnolia, sweeping into the house, arms laden with an eclectic bundle of items; a flower pot with what used to be a mum plant in it, a tray of her signature horrendous biscuits, two lengths of brightly colored fabric, a glass jar of crushed mica flakes and a cigarette case. "I brought prehhhhhzzzzents!"

Ivy, and well, truthfully anyone, could always hear Magnolia's arrival in whichever part of the house she happened to be. Though the house wasn't the size of Versailles, it wouldn't have mattered. Magnolia had a way of making her presence unmistakably known in any establishment--like a lorry through the brick wall of a busy cafe.

"Boo," shouted Magnolia over her shoulder through the still open door, "Please be sure to bring my purse when you come in."

Bougainvillea could be seen through the parlor window taking her time to admire and wander among the plants in the small front yard.

"For what on earth will she need her purse?" Bougainvillea said to the roses, then turned back toward the motorcar just as Hydrangea's stylish auto careened into the driveway.

Hydrangea's fender delicately brushed by Bougainvillea's hemline at an alarming speed before narrowly missing the birdbath and, less delicately, pounding the well-established oak tree with a sudden and quite solid thud.

"Boo! You won't believe what I found at the market this morning!" Hydrangea chattered obliviously as she stepped from the car, straightened her hat and reached into the back of the car to pull out and triumphantly present in her best imitation of a magazine model, a pair of shiny red riding boots.

Bougainvillea stood wide-eyed and motionless, two inches from the swath of tire tracks through the pansies, silent, but for the sound of her short, rapid breaths. One white-knuckled hand clutched her pearls in a death grip, and the other hand pressed at her femininity to prevent an untimely and embarrassing release.

"I know!" Hydrangea squealed," I was speechless too! I could barely take my eyes off them as I drove over. Be a dear and help me with these bags, won't you?"

By this time, Magnolia and Ivy had appeared at the front and kitchen doors, having heard the unfamiliar 'whump' of car on tree. "What on earth is going on?!" Cried Ivy, rushing to the scene. "Hyde, why are you parked in the yard? Where is your driver? And...MY PANSIES!"

"Oh I had to let him go." Hydrangea explained, pointedly ignoring the condition of the pansies "I suspected he was stealing. But who needs him anyway? I tell you, it's very liberating. I just enjoyed a wonderfully spontaneous trip through the market, and I drove all the way myself!

"Through the market?" Said Magnolia with a raised eyebrow, "That would explain the fresh fruit pulp on the grill."

"Well, they made those streets too narrow." Hydrangea dismissed defensively, pulling bag after bag out of the car. "And that fruit vendor practically robs you with those prices anyway. I did the village a service. Oh and, Ivy," she said, passing by, into the house and out of earshot, "you should think about moving that tree. It's was right in the way! I really think th . . . ."

"She . . . she . . ." Stuttered Bougainvillea, "she's driving? No. . . No, this can't happen. No, no, no, no, no." She shook her head, looking at her two sisters with a confused plea, "We have to DO something!" She then marched resolutely for the handle of a nearby garden hoe, raised it high over her head and made for Hydrangea's car.

Ivy and Magnolia immediately moved to intercept. Magnolia, taller, liberated the hoe while Ivy caught Bougainvillea by the shoulders. "It's all right, dear." Ivy crooned, "Yes, we'll take care of it." she continued in a soothing voice to a protesting Bougainvillea who allowed herself to be turned toward the kitchen entrance. "You're absolutely right. We'll talk about it over tea. Won't you help me in the kitchen?"

Ivy's calming words and voice did not extend to her eyes as she shot a frantic 'what-the-hell-are-we-going-to-do?' look over Bougainvillea's head at Magnolia. Magnolia shot back her own eyebrowed shrug, replaced the hoe and followed after Hydrangea.

You're Not Paranoid - You ARE Being Watched

2006-10-18T10:18:00.000-04:00

You have much more of an impact on the world

than you think you do.

and

You are never as important as you think you are.

Do you ever catch yourself watching someone -- be it a stranger or someone you know -- and thinking about their actions, their words, their motivations?

What do you think about the person who constantly interupts conversations? Why do you think this person let you cut in line? How did that lady who callously smacked you with her carry on luggage influence your morning? Why on earth is that blue SUV honking their horn? Didn't it make you feel good when that person offered their seat?

Are these people aware that you are watching and thinking about their actions?

Now turn it around. What do you do? How do you carry yourself? What is it that you do that makes friends and strangers take note? What kind of an influence do you have on the people around you?

I'm often amazed at times and wonder about the motivations of the people with a 'me first' and 'better than you' attitude. I find myself making up excuses for the rude rush of other drivers. Of course, it doesn't get me anywhere faster or make my ride sweeter if I become angry with them. And it makes me smile when I sit behind them at a light after they just cut, swerved and zoomed by about a mile before.

I make room for the pedestrian hogs who walk three people abreast through the crowded corridors of malls and mass transit terminals. I like to think I'm being considerate when I alter my route for people to pass. But, flip the coin and I find myself grumbling "Why should I be the one to make room? What makes them so important? Next time I'm going to stay my course. Someone needs to teach them consideration of others." But when next time comes, I instinctually make room.

I saw a woman purposely stomp on the heel of another traveler as they walked through a crowded terminal - then blame her actions on the person she stomped on. The other traveler graciously shook it off, accepted the blame, apologized and moved on.

I was right behind them and witnessed the whole nasty thing. I went up to the traveler and told her that she was very kind and carried herself well -- that I was impressed.

Anyhoo, the point is this, you are watching people and people are watching you. I don't mean people are stalking and peeping. I mean that anywhere you go in public, your actions are being silently scrutinized by complete strangers as well as by acquaintances and close friends. They see you smoke, litter, drink, fart and belch. But they also see your random acts of kindness, alms to the poor, thoughtful compliments and gentility.

Your watchers may make comment or they may not. And the strangers may just file it away. If they ever see you again, or you ever pop into their memory, you'll be (good or bad) 'the person who ____ that time at the ____.'

Why am I writing this?

I have recently discovered an online description of me. I had no idea that this person gave me or my actions much beyond a friendly but passing thought. But there I am plain as day in the eyes of another.

Wow.

I mean, I already had this philosophy, (I even have the tattoo to prove it) but sometimes it really smacks you. The single line of your life, short or long, wide-reaching or narrow, weaves in, around and through everyone else's lives with whom you come in contact, making them weave in, around and through as well.

How does your zig make them zag?

Martinsburg Journal - Letter to the Editor

2006-10-17T12:36:00.000-04:00

This letter to the Editor was printed a couple weeks ago in the Martinsburg, W.V. Journal Newspaper.

Put yourself in my shoes.

If your husband or wife were gravely injured, you could not visit them in the hospital without their family's permission. You would have no part in the decisions of emergency medical treatment. If they died, you would have no legal stance regarding burial or estate.
In these traumatic moments of your life – when they need you the most – you would be separated from your loved one.

The privileges of marriage are extended to people like Britney Spears who was married for 55 hours and to Mickey Rooney who was married eight times.

Why does West Virginia deny my family even the most basic rights and privileges of marriage? Whose idea of the 'sanctity' of marriage includes a two-night stand and serial divorces, but excludes a relationship of years of love and commitment?

No logical argument can be made against same-sex marriages. Childless couples enjoy the benefits of marriage and single people procreate all the time so one can't argue that children are the purpose of marriage. If one argues using religion, by whose religion are we creating law? Observe the natural habits of the animal kingdom before arguing same-sex marriages are unnatural. The tradition of marriage is made by man, and can be changed.

We live here. We work and pay taxes. We vote and deliver your mail. We sit next to you in church and on the train. We're your neighbors and family. Give us equality, West Virginia.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the Byrd

2006-10-16T13:53:00.000-04:00

Mr. Robert C. Byrd

In response to my letter, in which (if memory serves) I inquired as to why you are against same-sex marriages, your office sent to me Volume 150, Number 97 of the Congressional Record dated more than two years ago, July 14, 2004, with page S8084 tabbed—which referenced your vote against Senate Joint Resolution 40, a joint resolution proposing an amendment to the Constitution of the United States relating to marriage.

Although I am pleased to have received a tailored response, I am extremely disappointed with the content and can only surmise that the response from your office was intended placate and befuddle a reader of lesser education or skill. How little your office must think of the average West Virginian.

In a June 7, 2006 statement (Ref. 1) that followed the procedural vote on the Constitutional amendment on gay marriage, you clearly state that you strongly oppose same-sex marriages. The only support you offer for that stance is your personal religious conviction, misquoting the Bible and using such words and references as; holy, Bible, Good Book, sacred and God-fearing.

Your religious zealotry is denying my family what the United States General Accounting Office has identified as a “total of 1,138 federal statutory provisions classified to the United States Code in which marital status is a factor in determining or receiving benefits, rights, and privileges.” (Ref. 2)

You do not accurately represent me.

Charles E. Walker
Martinsburg, W.V.

Ref. 1
http://byrd.senate.gov/newsroom/news_june/marriage_amdt.html
Ref. 2
GAO-04-353R Defense of Marriage Act - Update to Prior Report

Walking East into Autumn

2006-09-28T09:28:00.000-04:00

The other morning I walked the few blocks from my home to the train station. It was just about six and the first Monday of Autumn. The sun, not yet risen, was tinting the dark morning sky with patches of deep blue behind silhouettes of cloud.

Autumn is furthest away from my favorite season, and the smell of 'back to school' in the air always used to pull me into an emotional funk. Inexplicably, I would be overcome with the blahs. An apathetic, everything-is-dying, there is no future, why-am-I-here sort of existence.

Fortunately, years ago, I recognized that funk and began to question and think about it rather than wallow in it.

"Okay, I feel yucky.
Why do I feel yucky?
Is there any good reason to feel this way?
Yes? What can I do about it? Something? Okay I will.
No? Nothing? Okay, then I'll suck it up and ride it out."

Add to the blahs the ravages of time. Here I am at 40, (pleasantly surprised I made it past 30), walking through the dark, deserted, leave-ridden, Autumn streets, thinking these sort of thoughts, "I hate Autumn. My arm hurts. It smells like 'back to school' and it's getting cold. I'm old. I leave home in the dark and come home in the dark. . . . .

. . . Stop it, Chuck! It's just a season. Adapt yourself to nature. You need to change with the season. Become attuned. Your future awaits."

As I chose to think and not wallow, I noticed the striking blue in the sky, and thought of the promise of morning and a new and potential-filled day and the days that lay beyond. I remembered that, although I'm entering Autumn myself, I'm still learning and experiencing new things.

I had just learned to knit and started a rectangle the night before. It's symbolic, I thought then, of new beginnings. Here I am, an aging dog, learning new tricks. (I learned to purl today.)

Yes, it's the end of the bright growing seasons of light and the beginning of long patches of darkness, cold and damp. It's a new moon too. (New beginnings!) It's a season to try my acting ability in a non-musical, courtroom drama. I know I can sing, but can my acting carry me too? Let's find out. I will be assisting in a friend's art opening this weekend, I'll be painting my house, going to a show or two, drinking and playing cards with friends.

What is so freakin' bad about Autumn?

I tell you, it can be freakin' great. The key is to consciously make it freakin' great. If you are like me, I know I'm not alone, and this season sucks you down - just wrap your mind around it. Turn depression or apathy into introspection and self-knowledge.

The first day of Autumn is Mabon, the second harvest. Use Autumn to reap your abundant harvest (tangible and intangible) and think about your next garden.

How are you?
Where are you?
How's your family?
How are your friends?
Where have you been?
What's important to you?
Where do you want to go?

What would you like to do?

To Governor Joe Manchin, III (West Virginia)

2006-09-25T13:53:00.000-04:00

I just finished writing a note to my Senator asking why he opposes same-sex marriages and a note (below) to my Governor asking why I'm denied basic rights of marriage.

If I get anything beyond a form letter, I'll keep you updated.

My letter to the Governor of West Virginia.

A thoughtful, personal response would be appreciated.

I am a man, married to a man. We married in Massachusetts and later moved to West Virginia.

A recognized marriage provides state protection to married couples in many important ways, including allowing hospital visitation, the right to make medical emergency decisions and the right to inherit without a will.

Put simply, if my husband were gravely injured or died, I could not visit without his family's permission, have no participation in the decisions of his medical treatment and would have no legal stance regarding his burial or the fate of his estate.

What is your stance, Governor, on same-sex marriages and why does West Virginia deny my family even the most basic rights and privileges of marriage?

My note generated this automated response.

Thank you very much for contacting me by e-mail. As always, it's good to hear your concerns and comments.

Please also be sure to visit my web site at http://www.wvgov.org for information on some of the most important issues I am working on right now.

If you did not include a U.S. Postal mailing address in your e-mail, please re-send your original email message and include your address so that I may respond to you directly.

Thanks again for getting in touch, and I look forward to responding more fully to your e-mail in the future.

Sincerely,
Gov. Joe Manchin III

West Virginia State Capitol
1900 Kanawha Boulevard, E
Charleston, WV 25305
Toll-Free: 1-888-438-2731

. . . For I Have Sneezed . . .

2006-09-22T12:51:00.000-04:00

I understand (kind of) the archaic practice of saying "Bless you" when someone sneezes.

If memory serves, it stems from plague-ridden times where if someone sneezed, obviously they had or were contracting the plague, so a quick "bless you" before they died would be quite welcome.

Nowadays, with modern medicine, plagues aren't as prevalent and diversity renders a "bless you" a throwaway phrase that's potentially offensive.

First of all, you don't mean it, but you feel compelled to say it. It's a socially expected, sort of habitual Tourette syndrome. If you truly WANT to express vocal concern for a sneezer's wellbeing, personalize it, and don't tack any sort of religious meaning to it -- Because, secondly, are you a priest - priestess - shaman - monk - warlock - friar - nun - witch - etc.? And do we attend the same rituals? Your unthinking blessing could be received as well as holy water to a wampyr - and that means you're crossing the line.

As I type this, my neighbor just sneezed! (How timely.) And I sit here thinking "I really should say something." "Must . . . acknowledge . . . sneeze."

Why do I feel this? It is purely only habit and tradition. But NO MORE! I'm going to break the pointless cycle and ignore the sneeze.

Now, when I sneeze, I'm sure I will experience a thoughtless blessing. What should I do?

Acchoo!
Bless you.
Yeh, whatever.

Acchoo !

Gesundheit !

WHAT?!

Acchoo!

God Bless.

Which god? Bless what?

Acchoo!
God bless you.
AAAAAGGHHH ! IT BURNS ! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE !? I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS !