Train of Thought

A common term, bandied about on the train, is 'management.'

Management, in that circle, means "my wife."
Senior Management means "mother" or "mother-in-law."
The Cartel is the circle of commuter's wives [management] who know and talk to each other.

Used in a sentence, "I'd love to come to the pub tonight, but the cartel told management what I did last time, so I'm on lockdown."

Now, since I'm gay, I happen to be a curiosity for the eunuchs. There is no female in my household, who is management?

I tell them, there IS no management, but then they insist it must be me. "Because," insert circular logic "Only management would deny being management." [Remember Life of Brian? - "Only the true Messiah would deny his divinity!"]

Seriously, I live in a cooperative. Co-ops, for short "are based on the values of self-help, self-responsibility, democracy, equality, equity and solidarity. . . . Co-operative members believe in the ethical values of honesty, openness, social responsibility and caring for others." - Wikipedia

They vehemently deny the existance of such an entity in a married household.

Once, I told my husband I wanted to go to the strip club (See Strip Club Epiphanies) and did he have any objections? A courtesy, really.

"Ah HA!"
What?
"You asked permission to go out. HE's management."

So, time passes and they ask a question here and there, trying to nail the title of management to one of us.
"Who handles the money?"
My paycheck pays for [list], his paycheck pays for [list].
"Who does the dishes?"
Like that would determine it? We both do.
"Who decides where to go on vacation?"
We both agree on when and where to go out, but I am more social than he is.
"Ah HA!"
What?
"YOU'RE MANAGEMENT!"

[I shake my head.]

Time passes again and we're all at a pub. I am observed coming from the bar multiple times with our beers.
"Ah HA!"
What?
"Your serving HIM ! HE must be management!"

[I shake my head.]

Really, I suspect they only do this to rankle me, but they come across as wild animals, raised in captivity, who have no IDEA that there is a better way of living. Their pea-sized, henpecked brains cannot be wrapped around the philosophy of a cooperative existence. It MUST be dominate or be dominated. (Which, of course, can be fun now and again - but I digress.)

[Still shaking my head.]

It has now occurred to me that the Eunuchs claim I am part of the cartel. I must confront them this evening and solve the conundrum: If HE is management [which they are currently insisting] then how can I be in the cartel?

Hmmmm? One of two things will happen:
1) More circular logic or
2) Their heads will explode.

I need to buy a slicker.

Save Dora !

How to raise tuition for college.

(I)
The order in which we would eat our pets if we run low on funds because of college.*



(II) (These ideas were inspired by my train friends.)

1) $100 dollars for every time I answer a commuter's wife with "I don't know." when she asks about your TR (Train Romance).
2) $30 dollars and I won't 'act straight' and charming when there's a new girl on the train.
3) Sell individual beers to train riders for a profit.**
4) $40 dollars and I'll promise not to do the open-mouth-insert-beer-bottle trick that makes the straight guys nervous.***

(III)
$500 and I'll cut my hair.

(IV)
$100 and I'll wear to work the ugliest sweater (that I'm knitting right now) for a whole week. - This offer has been withdrawn. First I'd have to finish the damn thing.

(V)
$40 + Materials and I'll knit you a scarf or a hat.

(VI)
$50 and I'll retract my statement on this jacket/dress ensemble

(*We would certainly NOT eat our pets.)
(** Probably illegal, so I wouldn't do it.)
(*** Another $40 would eliminate the beer CAN option.)

Strip Club Epiphanies II

I started to watch the women at center stage ply their craft. Chairs line the curved edge of the oval-shaped, knee-high stage, which was divided lengthwise with a mirrored wall.

As disinterested as I was in any parts that the women shaved or jiggled, I focused on their faces and their shoes. Wait a minute. They wear makeup? Aside from me, who's ever going to be paying attention to their faces? That's not where one stuffs the dollar bills. Every single performer had a far away look in their eyes, like the expression a cat gets in the litterbox. Ironically, as disinterested as I was in their bodies, they were just as disinterested in the men looking at their bodies.

Like, I said, I'm watching their faces and when they faced their 'client' they shook and jiggled and gave them a you're-the-only-one look, but when they turned away to gyrate and expose other parts, their faces transformed to a mental shopping list. You could actually see them go somewhere else in their heads--like, "Did I leave the iron on?" Right, like you own an iron.

So, guys - and girls - this epiphany is going to be a little difficult to digest, so you'd better sit down. It's better you learn it hear than face the harsh reality in the field. Ready? When you're getting a lap dance, they don't really mean it.

I spent the rest of the time waiting for my friends with my back to the stages, playing video games and getting multiple high scores in all of the spelling and strategy games until they arrived. (If you ever want to feel really good about yourself play the spelling games at a redneck bar.)

While I played, one of the diminutive performers in her street clothes took the bar stool next to me and ordered a drink. ("Is it her? Can it be? Is she one of the performers?") I tried not to stare and while trying not to stare, I had another epiphany. I was in a place where one is supposed to stare. All this time, I'm politely trying NOT to stare, when I paid a cover charge in order to do just that. (Like I said before, this is not one of my usual haunts.)

She smiled at me as she took her drink and cigarettes and deftly climbed down from the stool, without spilling a drop, then headed to the dressing room to prepare. The performance time was drawing closer and the big, mirrored stage was transforming. The wall of mirrors were slid back into the wall to reveal an entire other room! Chairs were placed all the way around a now 360 degree stage. This new room had couches that surrounded mini stages with poles. There were steps up to another bar, neon and pool tables and a mechanical bull! Very exciting.

All of the non-dancing employees scurried about to make this new room ready. These busy men all wore their "court clothes." You know, jackets and ties, slacks and button down shirts that working stiffs wear to court to appear, I dunno, respectable? Innocent? (I'm sure judges are fooled all the time.) It's hard to describe how these men didn't look natural in what they were wearing. Maybe it was the expression on their faces, or the haircuts that didn't really go with the ensemble, or even the L-O-V-E / H-A-T-E tattooed on their knuckles, I'm not sure.

You'll remember, I took some time to think about what to wear to a strip club. It was a wasted effort. In a sea of flannel and Lynard Skynard t-shirts , I was wearing a nice black button shirt with a subtle vertical design in a shinier black. What a mistake. Do you know how well the black lights pick up ANY specs of lint on a black shirt? So, for you who may take that first visit to a gentlemen's club, dress for a bar room brawl, because whether you look nice or not, what really gets their attention is the denomination you wave near their Jello.

And while speaking of clothing, I was amazed at how stretchy some of the women's clothing was. Some of the girls would finish their shift and pull what seemed like a scrunchy, or one of those sporty rubberbands off of their wrist. These would magically be stretched over their head and arms then be tugged wider to cover their goodies. I'm telling you, I have never seen anything like it, but again, none of my sisters shop at the Hoochies Be Us either. (Well, maybe one, based on what she wore to our sister's wedding, but I digress.)

Next epiphany: Just TWO rubberbands, and all your naughty bits are covered. Why, oh WHY then do women need walk-in closets? Oh, nevermind, I know. The shoes.

Still more to come.

Send Chuck to Finishing School !

I know that many of you would agree that Chuck could use some refinement.

Years ago I was well on my way to a degree in English and Education at St. Mary's College of Maryland. A strong student with A's and B's, Dean's List all that jazz, I overloaded with credits every semester and studied while I worked the night audit at the local motor inn.

But then, tragedy struck. (Cue melancholy music, cut to me walking in park in Winter, as you hear my taped story.)

My father became gravely ill. He was hospitalized and diagnosed with cancer. He was too far gone and remained unconscious. I left my job and took some time off from my classes to be with him and console my sister. Eventually, I made the difficult decision to remove him from life support. When he died, he was penniless and it took whatever college money I had to get his affairs in order and take care of his funeral arrangements, so I withdrew from school completely.

I decided then that I could be penniless and jobless anywhere, so I moved to Washington, D.C. (Cue That Girl theme music.) At first I paid rent with credit card cash advances until I found work as a flower delivery guy - which paid for beer, while I still paid rent with the credit card.

Eventually I succumbed to pressure from friends and found a 'real' job that has benefits and holidays and the like.

But now, after 11 years of cubicle nonsense, I've decided to quit my job in D.C. (goodbye commute!) and enroll at Shepherd University in West Virginia to complete my English and Education degree with the goal of teaching (Cue Laverne & Shirley theme music).

Nearly all of the 'General Studies' and electives bologna have transfered as well as a number of the classic English courses, so I'll be taking pretty much only Literature and Education classes. (YAY!)

But how on EARTH are we going to pay the mortgage and buy groceries and pet food (not the same) on top of college tuition? (Would someone PLEASE think of the children! - Soldier, Maxi, Dora and Blue.)

Here's where you can help Chuck in finishing school.

Sending money with PayPal is as easy as typing in an e-mail address and clicking send, and it only takes a minute to sign up.

My e-mail address is

poizniv@gmail.com

I am, of course, leery of publishing my street address, but if you know it already, I will gladly deposit any checks I receive in my mail box.

When you visit, you could also drop any spare change into the 'College Fund' jar as well.

I am proud, but I am also not rich.

Beauty is in the Eye

On the discussion of beauty, Just Chuck and Lady Prisspott bored some of their good friends with an endless and painful diatribe.

Boiled down for blog visitors:

LP says: there must be things that are considered beautiful in all cultures.

Chuck reply: Are there? I don't think so.

Blah blah blah blah ....nature
Blah blah blah blah ....nurture
Blah blah blah blah ....jab at Chuck's hair

The whole conversation stems from:
LP likes P. Cruz's Oscars dress and Just-Chuck doesn't AND because the majority of people (interested) agree with LP, LP must be more right.

LP feels: a majority attraction must point to a universality.
Just Chuck says: No. It merely points to a majority.

I'd like to put it to a test, but all a response would show is that a portion likes this and a portion likes that.

But on a whim, for the pitifully few people who actually visit my blog:
what do you think of this blonde's dress and jacket ensemble?

Please, no comments about the blonde.

Blasts from the Past.

I hopped on Myspace a little bit ago. Created a profile - which pretty much redirects folks to this spot.

It was SO depressing. It's a place where you link to other friends spots and they link back to yours and your profile keeps a running tally of ALL your friends.

SO.

You create a profile and it says.

"You have ONE friends."

And that's TOM. Just a myspace guy. I guess they feel NO ONE should be friendless. So they automatically stick TOM in there.

Thanks, Tom.

Delete Tom yes/no?

YES YES YES YES YES YES YES

Okay so now,

"You have ZERO friends."

Okay, that's just plain awful. SO, you search around (during work of course) for people you know. Send invites and friend requests and you build yourself up to the current, "You have 13 friends."

Okay, not as bad as one or zero, but nothing near as good as the friend whores who still have "TOM" and hundreds of other people linked to their page.

SO, you start broadening your search......

Hmm. Who do I know, who did I know, whom have I ever known my entire life?

Which brings me to my point today.

I located a friend from 20 years ago. We were stationed at the same place.
Hung out with the same folks and had much the same interests and pursuits.

Lots of fun.

We later went to the same college. He and his wife let me bunk at their house for a while. Still good stuff.

But, then I left that college for another one.

We didn't really write.

Pretty much lost contact.

But now he's found again. And I've redirected him to THIS page.

SO- NOW I have to hurry up and add a post here so the FIRST thing he sees when he gets here isn't "GAY CARD REQUIREMENTS."

HI MILES ! Good to find you again. How's Carla?
Click around a bit to get caught up. And I'll chat with you soon!

Gay Card Punch Stock

Okay, thinking some more...

None of the items on the card would necessarily be requirements.

But a certain percentage of punches on the card would signify gaydom.

Divide the card into quadrants: Movies/Shows, Creativity and ?? ??

List the top ten movies/shows all gay men MUST see and quote lines or songs.

The top ten abilities the man must possess
Sewing
Cooking
Figure Skating
Hairstyling
Aesthetician

What about taboos? You, know, for the flip side of the card.

If you do these things, you could lose your card.
Socks with sandals.
Dark socks with shorts.



This is too hard.

How to wash a cat - easy step-by-step video.

"How to wash a cat."

Gay Card Requirements

Sunday night four guys and two girls (three gay, three not) gathered 'round the television set to watch the 79th Oscars, make our predictions and play Oscar Bingo.

"I can't believe no one has said 'Who are you wearing?' yet."
"Come on, just thank your 'amazing wife' and I've got Bingo."
"If someone trips, I've got two Bingos."

"BINGO! He screwed up reading the teleprompter!"

So anyhoo, Lady Prisspott was commenting on all the notched lapels and ill-fitting this and that. When looking at all the long gowns and the care the women are taking to keep people from stepping on their trains, Lady Prisspott said "I know how they feel."

To which I truthfully replied, "Me too."

It occurred to us both, that this could be something that belongs on the gay card.

According to the Urban Dictionary A Gay Card is a mythical figurative membership credential carried by gay men to commemorate the innate knowledge, ability, or sensibility with regard to any subject matter traditionally and generally considered to be the purview of gay men, such as show tunes, color coordination, fashion, hairstyling, interior decoration, or knowing whether any particular man in the vicinity is gay without requiring him to present his gay card.

A Gay Card can also be stamped or punched when a man (usually straight) performs a stereotypical gay action such as interior decorating, color coordinating, etc. At a certain point the card is filled and the person is deemed gay.


So, help me out here. Aside from the obvious sexual events, what ARE the requirements for a gay card? What categories / events / talents / abilities do you think should be listed and punchable?

Hmmm. Let's get you started.

Talents:
Floral Arrangement
Color Coordination
Interior Decorating

Have seen and can quote lines from these movies:
Valley of the Dolls
Mommy, Dearest
The Women

What aspects of fashion are required?
What show tunes must be in the repertoir?

Send them in ! The most appropriate will be chosen and incorporated into the 2007 Gay Card.

Too Stupid to be True

Our local paper, The Journal (Serving the Eastern Counties of West Virginia Since 1907), has a feature on page A6 called the Journal Junction. It's where people call or write in their short comments, complaining or praising whatever has recently soured their milk or sweetened their pot. (In the old days, one would just blame it on the local witch, but in today's enlightened society, you send your 'bitch' to The Journal.)

I came across this gem last Friday. I absolutely cannot believe this was a sincere newspaper entry--someone HAD to be playing stupid when they submitted this entry....

Apparently it's in response to another person's post regarding the outdated practice of daylight savings.

"From Hedgesville:"
To the Inwood caller complaining about the change in March to Daylight Savings Time. Don't you realize that the flowers need all the sun they can get in the spring? Any grade school child knows this.


I love it.


Oh oh oh! THIS JUST IN . . .

In Monday's Journal Junction....

"From Martinsburg:"

To the caller from Hedgesville about changing to daylight savings time in March. It has nothing to do with more sunglight for flowers to grow. The amount of sunlight is still the same. The difference is there will be more daylight in the evening.

New Jersey beats 47 other states in the race to enlightenment!

Teaneck, New Jersey
(AP)

State Officially Recognizes Civil Unions of Gay Couples
Hundreds of gay couples were granted the same legal rights as married couples Monday as New Jersey became the third U.S. state to offer civil unions. More than a dozen other couples applied for licenses for ceremonies later in the week. The civil unions were granted automatically to the hundreds of gay New Jersey coupls who had previously been joined in civil unions or married in other states or nations. (AP)

Terrorist Cell Phones

I just got off the phone with Cingular (Now AT&T).

Months ago, I sent them e-mailed inquiries about sweet deals on new phones (with all the bells and whistles).

I asked them, where are all the huge discounts for loyal customers? The sent me a response about when I was available for an upgrade.

I told them - I don't want to sign a new contract. I want a cool new phone at the outrageously low LOW price!

They sent me information on when I was available for an upgrade.

I wrote back "Don't tell me about your upgrade thingy. Tell me about fantastic discounts for loyal, already Cingular customers."

So they didn't write back.

Okay, so now my contract is up in just a few short months, and I called Cingular and explained their logic to them.

If the only way to get a cooooooool phone that plays music and videos and does the dishes and walks the dog is to sign a new 2 year contract, what's to keep me WITH Cingular?

All the phone companies offer that. If I can't get a brand spankin' new phone without a 2 year contract, I'm going to shop around.

"Well" they say "we can offer you this one time discount bringing the phone down to [something] dollars with a 2 year contract."

"I DON'T WANT A CONTRACT!"

They just kept pushing the contract.

I told them I'm going to shop around because there's no real incentive for me to stay.

Yes, I'll admit it. I want something for nothing. It's that simple.

Consolidating my E-xistance

I've been feeling fragmented lately. Kind of spread thin and in more places at once than I ought to be.

"SIMPLIFY !" Should be my mantra, but I find it hard to self-enforce.

SO, trying to simplify - I'm migrating all my Web existance to this one place.

(LOOK UP AND TO THE RIGHT!)

That means - my pagan notes, my letterboxing, my stage reviews, and the like, should all be linkable from this very spot.

I'm thinking, it's cleaner, it's streamlined, and I can give out one url and let folks navigate on their own.

I have one log in to remember and one template to work from.

SIMPLIFY !

Strip Club Epiphanies I

After a work day of the usual length (leave the house at 6:15 a.m. and get home at 7 p.m.) I flopped down on the couch in zombie state until it was time to get ready to go out.

What DOES one wear to a strip club? I assumed that one would want to look nice. So I showered and took the time to tame my hair and scrape a razor across my cheeks. Clean, stylish jeans, black button-up shirt and black boots.

I stopped to kiss the hubby and promise I wouldn't be at the strip club too long - he didn't seem worried in the least. Along the way, I stopped at 7-Eleven for a small coffee to keep me awake, then drove - almost directly to the strip joint. (Only one wrong turn!)

I finished off the coffee in the parking lot and joined a gaggle of oglers at the door. The gaggle looked like they were on a family outting to the strip club. Two, older parent types with their drinking age children on a lark. (That's why I was there, anyway.)

I paid my $10 at the door and walked in to a surprisingly nice, almost elegant atmosphere. Tasteful lighting everywhere provided just enough glow to make all the ladies passably attractive.

Imagined conversation between regular patrons.
RALPH: Evenin', Sam.
SAM: Evenin', Ralph. Wow, it's kinda dark in here tonight.
RALPH: Yeh, Susan's working.
SAM: Ah, riiiiiight.

There are stages on the left and directly in front of me that are equipped with floor to ceiling poles that are getting a LOT of attention from women who are wearing only high-heeled shoes. So, of course, I made an immediate right to the bar. I found a spot at the end and ordered a beer and turned the stool to observe the scenery.

First thing I notice is the guys sitting at the bar watching "the game." I don't remember what sport was on, because I was too busy thinking that they just paid a cover charge to come watch "the game" at a strip club. I guess that gives a whole new meaning to 'boob tube.'

Interupted by a deeply thought out, insightful theory here -
If you're at a strip club, watching television and it's not "the game" - you're gay.

While looking around some more, a certain women stopped in profile, directly in front of me, quite close and blocking my line of sight. I leaned left, then right, to see around her, and she moved on. I thought nothing of it, until it happened the third time.

I mean, she's standing really close, making it impossible to look at anything but her, forcing me - an avid reader - to ponder what Ramone did to earn a permanant signature upon her hilly valley (not to be confused with her mountainous peaks - I didn't read those chapters). So, as I pondered the depth of her character plot, it occurred to me

- this scantily clad woman is invading my personal space -- a lot.
This was immediately followed by another thought -
"Idiot. She's working and you're treating her like an obstructed-view seat at the opera."
Well, no sooner did I have that epiphany, then I guess she realized I was blind or gay and deleted me from her paper route.

More to come.

Just a Small Tease

I heard about it on the train . . .
Midget dancers at the strip club.

As soon as I heard it, my mind just boggled. At first, I couldn't think in complete thoughts.
"Wha.... "You mean.... "It can't just...."

Then my first complete thought, "I MUST GO!"

You must know by now that a strip club is not my cup of tea. Especially one that caters to straight men. Anyhoo, I wasn't going to go for the boobies or the wahoos.

Need reasons to go?

Reason 1) I've never been to a 'gentlemen's club.' I'm all for experiential living. There are some opportunities one should just not let pass by. If you get the chance,

• Sky dive
• Bungee jump
• Ride the elephant
• Go to a strip club to see diminutive dancers

Reason 2) Cocktail party conversation, which can be delivered in oh, so many ways.

• Taunting - "Guess what I did last Friday."
• Dropping smart bombs - "Oh yes, they have that kind of pool table at the strip club and . . ." "Wait, what were you doing at a strip club?"
• Blurting out - "OH MY GAWD ! I JUST SAW . . ."

So now you know what I did last Friday, but you don't have an account of the evening. This is just a small teaser of an evening that is still burned into my mind's eye.

Be patient, my pretties, I will write about it soon.

Impulse Not Buying

I wrote in an earlier post that we paid off a credit card bill and a college loan rather than buying Solstice presents for each other at home.

Well, ... Retailers report disappointing December sales
NEW YORK (AP) - An already disappointing holiday shopping season turned out to be even worse than expected for many of the nation's retailers, who Thursday reported tepid sales gains for December.

Speaking of not buying presents . . . If you are committed to reducing your debt and simplifying your life, I found The Compact quite interesting. (Though maybe too extreme for me.)

Here's the blurb from their Yahoo Group.

Welcome to The Compact.
We are a group of individuals committed to a 12-month flight from the consumer grid (calendar year 2007).

The Compact has several aims (more or less prioritized below):

• To go beyond recycling in trying to counteract the negative global environmental and socioeconomic impacts of disposable consumer culture and to support local businesses, farms, etc. -- a step that, we hope, inherits the revolutionary impulse of the Mayflower Compact.
• To reduce clutter and waste in our homes (as in trash Compact-er).
• To simplify our lives (as in Calm-pact)

We've agreed to follow two principles (see exceptions etc. on our blog).

#1 Don't buy new products of any kind (from stores, web sites, etc.)

#2 Borrow, barter, or buy used.

And this from another source:

New members, who sign up on the group's Yahoo Web site, include seniors on fixed incomes, farmers in Alabama and self-proclaimed shopaholics who say they have a problem and need help. (Read the full article in the San Francisco Chronicle .)

And this from Wikipedia

Retail pricing
The pricing technique used by most retailers is cost-plus pricing. This involves adding a markup amount (or percentage) to the retailers cost.

So, think about what your throwing your money away on and to whom you are throwing it. Are you getting your money's worth? Where is your paycheck going?

Will not buying anything new for a year hurt the economy? Doubtful.

There will always be a demand for things that are new, because things wear out.

There will always be an abundance of folks who MUST HAVE that purse to match their shoes - ALL OF THEIR SHOES.

However, if retailers price what the market will bear, (how much you're willing to spend for an item) we can send a message (even though it may fall on deaf ears) that their pricing is becoming unbearable.

It's a thought.

Turn Your Head and Cough

Anticipating the need for a graphic for an upcoming blog entry, and searching Google images with the word 'midget' - I came across (or rather, found) this photo, at www.history.navy.mil which just begs for a witty caption.

Any suggestions?

Hypocrite Alert

7 Va. Episcopal Parishes Vote to Sever Ties
By Bill Turque and Michelle Boorstein, Washington Post Staff Writers
Monday, December 18, 2006

Excerpts from The Washington Post article:

At least seven Virginia Episcopal parishes, opposed to the consecration of a gay bishop and the blessing of same-sex unions, have voted overwhelmingly to break from the U.S. church in a dramatic demonstration of widening rifts within the denomination.

The defections are likely to continue. Two other small Northern Virginia churches, Our Saviour Episcopal in Oatlands and Church of the Epiphany in Herndon, are expected to vote on separation early next year.

Conservative congregations have left the church in the past, including in the 1970s, when ordinations of women began, and a number have done so since Robinson's election.

Click here for the full article.

Okay, okay, okay, I KNOW I'm going to be pissing off some Episcopals, but I don't know any so that's fine. (Just as some of you don't know any homosexuals.)

A "shaken" Katrina Wagner is quoted in the above article as saying "the issue is: Are we going to follow Scripture?"

Which scripture, Katrina?

"As in all the congregations of the saints, women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the Law says. If they want to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church." 1 Corinthians 14.

You, Katrina, remain a quiet member of the church as they ordain women (which assumes that after ordination they are allowed to preach in church rather than remain silent), but wave a battle flag when they consecrate a gay bishop? Come on.

Hire Me!

Charles Walker
Martinsburg, West Virginia

walker.chuck@gmail.com

Objective
A position that allows for my organizational skills and creativity in a positive environment in the Martinsburg, W.V. area.

Work Experience

Project Manager
9/1997 - Present Graduate School, USDA, Washington, D.C.
Primary editor and coordinator for all print marketing (catalogs, brochures, postcards, etc.) for the Graduate School, USDA. Discuss requirements for design of marketing materials with customers, identifying key information and offer guidance and direction based on an assessment of product specifications and customer needs. Schedule projects and manages internal staff to assure that customer’s project requirements are communicated and met. Determine need for outsourcing and takes appropriate steps to assure projects are kept on schedule. Act as manager and liaison between graphic designer, client, proofreader for all marketing materials. Develop and communicate project schedules and budgets (with cost estimates). Adjust to reflect customer feedback and staff input. Share weekly projects status reports with Communications Office and Business Development staff. Develop marketing proposals and options for enterprise wide and individual unit participation. Research alternatives, assess cost implications and determine if and how the effort can be tracked.

Member
1/1995 - Present Federal City Performing Arts Association, Washington, D.C.
A member of the Federal City Performing Arts for over a decade, bringing organizational skills and performance talent to numerous productions, serving as property master, stage and set design and construction, costume design and construction, master of ceremonies, vocal and instrumental performance, assistant stage director, choreographer and stagehand. Also performed on the stages of such places as Carnegie Hall and The Kennedy Center, for presidents and royalty.

Designer
4/1996 - 9/1997 Florist's Workshop, Bethesda, Maryland
In addition to floral design, responsibilities included company reorganization and planning to raise profits and lower overhead, creating forms for daily sales records, calculating yearly income from various categories of sales and monthly percentages of those sales, creating a system to make wired orders more profitable, company tax preparation, and customer service. My experience at the Florist's Workshop gave me the skill and confidence to later organize and prepare the flowers for two weddings, which included bridal bouquets, boutonnières, corsages, pew clips, centerpieces and large sprays.

Auditor
3/1994 - 3/1996 Belvedere Motor Inn/Days Inn, Lexington Park, Maryland
Maintained computer records of daily accounts and yearly running totals for 250-room hotel, daily cash deposits, electronic credit deposits and reports, customer service, telephone operator, and reservations while attending college full-time.

Customer Service/Night Stock
6/1992 - 6/1993 Wal-Mart, Toccoa, Georgia
Performed register sales, customer service, maintenance and stock of modular items, and kept three departments organized while attending college full-time.

Customer Service
10/1990 - 5/1991 Baltimore Aircoil Company, Laurel, Maryland
Responsible for production of various standard business letters, maintained sales files for national sales representatives, maintained monthly and yearly sales numbers for Maryland, California, and Canada plants, and performed as customer service liaison.

Cryptologic Technician Interpretive
9/1985 - 10/1990 U.S. NAVY, United States and Korea, Maryland
Korean Translator

Education
Pursuing information to complete English and Education degree at Shepherd University, Shepherdstown, West Virginia

1994 - 1996 St. Mary's College of Maryland, St. Mary's, Maryland
Major in English and Education.
1991 - 1993 Toccoa Falls College, Toccoa, Georgia
Major: Performing Arts

Skills
Ÿ Adobe Acrobat

Ÿ Adobe Photoshop

Ÿ Hypertext Markup Language (HTML)

Ÿ Lotus Notes

Ÿ Microsoft Access

Ÿ Microsoft Excel

Ÿ Microsoft Project Manager

Ÿ Microsoft Word

Ÿ Microsoft PowerPoint

Ÿ WordPerfect

Ÿ American Sign Language


References available upon request.

Against the Spirit of the Season / What's in Your Wallet?

My husband and I gave each other our Solstice presents early this year.

I was 'doing math' last Sunday. In our household, 'doing math' means adding up the bills that are due, the minimum payments, the monthly payments, looking at what we have coming in, what absolutely must go out right away, and finally, our total debt amount.

After the situation was thoroughly assessed, I turned to Mike and told him the news.

We had a choice to make. After we pay everything that's due, we have enough left over to buy each other presents, or pay off a credit card bill completely.

Against the spirit of the season, we chose to pay off the credit card. I called the company and asked for a total payoff amount and made it happen over the phone. Then I wrote "PAID IN FULL" on the remittance slip and put it under the Yule tree.

Since then, we smile and make happy reference to it. "We paid off a credit card bill. Happy Solstice, Honey." And when we watch television and see all the 'must-have-hot-items-for-Christmas' commercials, we just smile to ourselves or at each other and sit content that we got what we really wanted for the holidays -- a little bit closer to our dream of being debt free.