Strip Club Epiphanies I

After a work day of the usual length (leave the house at 6:15 a.m. and get home at 7 p.m.) I flopped down on the couch in zombie state until it was time to get ready to go out.

What DOES one wear to a strip club? I assumed that one would want to look nice. So I showered and took the time to tame my hair and scrape a razor across my cheeks. Clean, stylish jeans, black button-up shirt and black boots.

I stopped to kiss the hubby and promise I wouldn't be at the strip club too long - he didn't seem worried in the least. Along the way, I stopped at 7-Eleven for a small coffee to keep me awake, then drove - almost directly to the strip joint. (Only one wrong turn!)

I finished off the coffee in the parking lot and joined a gaggle of oglers at the door. The gaggle looked like they were on a family outting to the strip club. Two, older parent types with their drinking age children on a lark. (That's why I was there, anyway.)

I paid my $10 at the door and walked in to a surprisingly nice, almost elegant atmosphere. Tasteful lighting everywhere provided just enough glow to make all the ladies passably attractive.

Imagined conversation between regular patrons.
RALPH: Evenin', Sam.
SAM: Evenin', Ralph. Wow, it's kinda dark in here tonight.
RALPH: Yeh, Susan's working.
SAM: Ah, riiiiiight.

There are stages on the left and directly in front of me that are equipped with floor to ceiling poles that are getting a LOT of attention from women who are wearing only high-heeled shoes. So, of course, I made an immediate right to the bar. I found a spot at the end and ordered a beer and turned the stool to observe the scenery.

First thing I notice is the guys sitting at the bar watching "the game." I don't remember what sport was on, because I was too busy thinking that they just paid a cover charge to come watch "the game" at a strip club. I guess that gives a whole new meaning to 'boob tube.'

Interupted by a deeply thought out, insightful theory here -
If you're at a strip club, watching television and it's not "the game" - you're gay.

While looking around some more, a certain women stopped in profile, directly in front of me, quite close and blocking my line of sight. I leaned left, then right, to see around her, and she moved on. I thought nothing of it, until it happened the third time.

I mean, she's standing really close, making it impossible to look at anything but her, forcing me - an avid reader - to ponder what Ramone did to earn a permanant signature upon her hilly valley (not to be confused with her mountainous peaks - I didn't read those chapters). So, as I pondered the depth of her character plot, it occurred to me

- this scantily clad woman is invading my personal space -- a lot.
This was immediately followed by another thought -
"Idiot. She's working and you're treating her like an obstructed-view seat at the opera."
Well, no sooner did I have that epiphany, then I guess she realized I was blind or gay and deleted me from her paper route.

More to come.

Just a Small Tease

I heard about it on the train . . .
Midget dancers at the strip club.

As soon as I heard it, my mind just boggled. At first, I couldn't think in complete thoughts.
"Wha.... "You mean.... "It can't just...."

Then my first complete thought, "I MUST GO!"

You must know by now that a strip club is not my cup of tea. Especially one that caters to straight men. Anyhoo, I wasn't going to go for the boobies or the wahoos.

Need reasons to go?

Reason 1) I've never been to a 'gentlemen's club.' I'm all for experiential living. There are some opportunities one should just not let pass by. If you get the chance,

• Sky dive
• Bungee jump
• Ride the elephant
• Go to a strip club to see diminutive dancers

Reason 2) Cocktail party conversation, which can be delivered in oh, so many ways.

• Taunting - "Guess what I did last Friday."
• Dropping smart bombs - "Oh yes, they have that kind of pool table at the strip club and . . ." "Wait, what were you doing at a strip club?"
• Blurting out - "OH MY GAWD ! I JUST SAW . . ."

So now you know what I did last Friday, but you don't have an account of the evening. This is just a small teaser of an evening that is still burned into my mind's eye.

Be patient, my pretties, I will write about it soon.

Impulse Not Buying

I wrote in an earlier post that we paid off a credit card bill and a college loan rather than buying Solstice presents for each other at home.

Well, ... Retailers report disappointing December sales
NEW YORK (AP) - An already disappointing holiday shopping season turned out to be even worse than expected for many of the nation's retailers, who Thursday reported tepid sales gains for December.

Speaking of not buying presents . . . If you are committed to reducing your debt and simplifying your life, I found The Compact quite interesting. (Though maybe too extreme for me.)

Here's the blurb from their Yahoo Group.

Welcome to The Compact.
We are a group of individuals committed to a 12-month flight from the consumer grid (calendar year 2007).

The Compact has several aims (more or less prioritized below):

• To go beyond recycling in trying to counteract the negative global environmental and socioeconomic impacts of disposable consumer culture and to support local businesses, farms, etc. -- a step that, we hope, inherits the revolutionary impulse of the Mayflower Compact.
• To reduce clutter and waste in our homes (as in trash Compact-er).
• To simplify our lives (as in Calm-pact)

We've agreed to follow two principles (see exceptions etc. on our blog).

#1 Don't buy new products of any kind (from stores, web sites, etc.)

#2 Borrow, barter, or buy used.

And this from another source:

New members, who sign up on the group's Yahoo Web site, include seniors on fixed incomes, farmers in Alabama and self-proclaimed shopaholics who say they have a problem and need help. (Read the full article in the San Francisco Chronicle .)

And this from Wikipedia

Retail pricing
The pricing technique used by most retailers is cost-plus pricing. This involves adding a markup amount (or percentage) to the retailers cost.

So, think about what your throwing your money away on and to whom you are throwing it. Are you getting your money's worth? Where is your paycheck going?

Will not buying anything new for a year hurt the economy? Doubtful.

There will always be a demand for things that are new, because things wear out.

There will always be an abundance of folks who MUST HAVE that purse to match their shoes - ALL OF THEIR SHOES.

However, if retailers price what the market will bear, (how much you're willing to spend for an item) we can send a message (even though it may fall on deaf ears) that their pricing is becoming unbearable.

It's a thought.

Turn Your Head and Cough

Anticipating the need for a graphic for an upcoming blog entry, and searching Google images with the word 'midget' - I came across (or rather, found) this photo, at www.history.navy.mil which just begs for a witty caption.

Any suggestions?