Friday, July 27, 2007

So Long and Thanks for All the Boobies

I started typing this morning, waxing philosophical about the end of a personal era, first day of the rest of my life, and blah blah blah.

But that would be NO FUN to read at all.

SO - Train People . . . what have I forgotten?

And you outsiders, if you'd like me to explain any of this, send a note, but there's no way to explain EVERY LAST thing...

Highlights of 2.5 years of train commuting.

Aquaman - He'd had a bit too much (a lot too much) to drink before he got on the train, poured water on himself on the train, looked as if peed himself (but didn't really), caused people to think he was going to die.

The time we convinced two cute college girls to be so extremely interested in me just to cause Skidmark to have a conniption.

When we invented the word PAHL (pronounced 'paul') - which means ignorant.

Too many shots at a number of happy hours.

The time one person got so very drunk and started groping people on the Metro.

Juice nights - a big batch of left over liqour in a cooler with a hint of flavoring.

When I turned on the charm to attract a female, just to show I had more game than someone else. "But Chuck, you don't even LIKE girls!"

The slow motion spiraling shower of beer onto the four guys in the corner.

Joke of the day!

When Fez would look left and right and lower his voice before whispering "Penis."

The oh so forward sexual advances of a number of females.

$50 dollars for every time I have to tell the spouse of a commuter "I don't know."

The surreptitious advances of a handful of males.

Waltzing with Chris.

Kissing the girls.

The Great Race of Brunswick.

Spikey-blonde-haired bitter bible bitch.

Acknowledgement of So Do Ku mastery.

Beer, beer, beer.

Boobies, boobies, boobies. (Who needs 'em?)

Fox News.

Knitting for friends.

The beer bottle trick that makes the boys squirm.

The tongue trick that makes the girls squirm.


The Ball Gag.

Ann's color commentary.

The Train Names - Fatal Attraction, Ultra-Donkey, Goldilocks, Man Hands, Girl Chris, Boy Chris, Tattoo Chris, Wine Kelly a.k. Blonde Kelly, SS, Fez, Skidmark, Doogie, Teflon Don, Firewall, GMC Truck Guy, Runs-Like-A-Girl, Business Suit Guy, Banana Guy, Subject Matter Expert, Griz/Hagrid, Labia, Mister Slave, Apple Bottom, Frat Boy, Kennedy, Clown Butt a.k.a. Man from Behind, The Broad, Pitty Pat a.k.a. Jamaica Pat, The Cooking Channel, Eye Candy, KY, . . .

When I stumped a politician on the same-sex marriage issue.

Heat Restrictions.

Ugly, scary and endless baby pictures (UGH.)

Henry's weather announcement.

The Llamacidal Maniac.

The many reasons that Skidmark's gay.

The woman who told me I needed sensitivity training.

The Fart Machine.


Anonymous said...

Hi Baby!!

I wanted to thank you for all the excitement you gave me this morning. WHO KNEW?!?! If the laughter on my face is not indicative of that, then I don’t know what is! The invite to my house -- anytime -- is always open. You showed me this morning that you know how to handle business so I am convinced that I may convert you after all!!! (yeah. right.) SWL!!

Since I am -- now was -- a newbie, joining your circle only just prior to your exodus, you have to e-mail me and dish the dirt! I heard a lot of “firewall” references on the train, but I don’t know what that means. I was there the morning that the Skidmark story was told and the nickname came about, but I never knew about whom the reference was being made. Too bad you won’t be there anymore to point them all out to me. Oh well...

OH! Did I tell you? I got the wooden kind as you told me to do and practiced! You are so right! It went in and out so smoothly, with just the perfect amount of resistance, which, of course, gave me the confidence to work with more than just the tip. 13 inches is a bit much for me though. The thickness was perfect but do they come in shorter lengths? :o}

I’m going to miss you and thanks for sharing your last Marc morning getting “close and comfy” with me! “The girls” appreciated the attention, too! Remember, those thigh-high leather boots are waiting!

Love ya!

Anonymous said...


The train sux without you. You must make a guest appearance one day. Kinda like the 3 stoges did on Scobby Doo. Have a good time at school. I did, and hey I still do!!