Friday, July 28, 2006

What Women Want

Chivalry IS dead. You hear the mourning cries all over the country that chivalry has passed on. Well, not so much passed on as brutally murdered. And, what better way to divert suspicion as to be the one to cry the loudest at its passing. It's one or the other ladies. Do you want chivalry or do you want equality?

Please, make no mistake. -- I am in complete support of equality for women! But you're giving men mixed signals. It is my contention that to aid in the support of women's equality, the males of our race are exempted from holding doors, offering seats, killing spiders and feats of strength.

So, why do men get dirty looks when they are first into an elevator, remain seated in a crowded subway or buy just their own movie ticket? What justifies the guilt-laying? We're helping your cause!

Many times a day, I witness the pilgrimage of health-conscious, female coworkers from cubicle to cooler. It's a modern-day version of the ewers-on-the-head walk through the village from hut to well because each of these pilgrims keeps a water bottle or jug at their desk to sip throughout the day.

One morning at the end of their trek, two women arrived to find that the well had run dry. They took it upon themselves to rectify the situation and began another journey in search of a man to replace the jug.

I shocked them by refusing. "But we're thirsty!" they whined. So I gave them directions to the water fountain, two sinks, the bathroom, a restaurant and the convenience store in the lobby. And in return for all of my assistance I got dirty looks of disbelief and angry muttering.

There are no good arguments supporting this expectation of male to female deference.

Because you're a man.
-How is that a reason?
Because men are stronger.
-That's a stereotype.
Because YOU'RE so big and strong.
-Flattery cannot sway me to carry your things, give you my seat or buy you dinner.
I would really appreciate it.
-Hey, now you're talkin'. . . How will this appreciation be displayed?
Well, how about we . . . [Nod, nod, wink, wink]
-I'm gay.
Ooooo, Fine! Five bucks?
-Make it twenty and it's yours.

I wonder who changes the water jugs at the National Organization for Women.

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