Kernal Knowledge

My friend, Cookie, would ask "What's the number one rule of show business?"
And I'd say "Sleep with the casting director?" knowing full well that Cookie's answer is "Know your product."

I do so love the tests that tell you all about yourself if you answer just a few questions. I take those personality/sanity tests all the time. (Mostly due to a court order, but that doesn't detract from the pleasure.)

My friends could've told you this without me taking the test. Which alcoholic drink am I? The test totally pegs me as beer.

You Are Beer!

You don't need to get totally wasted when you hit the bars. More of a social drinker, you just like to have fun with your friends. And as long as the beer keeps flowing, you're a happy camper. But don't mix things up: "Beer Before Liquor, Never Been Sicker!"

What Alcoholic Drink Are You?

Wow, that is SO true. My friends, my TRUE friends, fear repurcussions if they've invited me over and I find they have no beer. "What!? No beeeeeer?" (Picture the guy in Oliver. "You want mmmMMMMOOOOORE?!")

It's the same way in the morning with / without coffee.

One morning at a sleepover I awoke and stumbled through the house and into the kitchen, following the sweet gurgling sounds of the coffeemaker. [gurgle......gurgle.....sput....gurgle] "Ahh, yes I can almost taste it," I'm thinking as I pass two friends in the kitchen. They know better than to approach me at this point in the day. Don't make eye contact, don't smile, don't approach. But, THIS morning, the two (innocent?) bystanders were in a precarious catch-22. There was a SERIOUS bit of information that MUST be conveyed to the sleepy-eyed monster fumbling with a coffee cup before he reached the gurgling brew. [gurgle....gurgle] "I'm coming my preciousssssss." Cup in hand, I step forward and reach for the pitcher. [gurgle....ominous music....gurgle....minor chord....slow motion....guurrrrrgle.]

Cookie makes a life-altering decision and in dramatic slo-mo jumps in front of the proverbial bullet "CHUUUUCK ! IT'SSSS DE-CAAAFFFF !" Then crumples to the floor, fearing the worst.

You Are: 50% Dog, 50% Cat

You are a nice blend of cat and dog. You're playful but not too needy. And you're friendly but careful. And while you have your moody moments, you're too happy to stay upset for long.

Are You More Cat or Dog?

To pass the time with self-discovery I'll take pretty much any test and try very hard to answer the questions honestly, without trying to sway the outcomes. But some of the tests are pretty much geared toward the traditional if-you-answer-this-way-you-must-be-this-gender. I took one test (Which X-Man are You?) that asked which of the X-Men were sexier. I chose Wolverine so the test chose for me a female character. Grrrr. I don't want to be Storm! I could NEVER carry off those outfits. Even though this test says...

You Are 36% Lady

You tend to make up your rules of etiquette, throwing all conventions aside. And while you try to be a lady (sometimes), your behavior is often quite shocking.

Are You A Lady?

So no matter the absurdity of the test, I welcome the questions that provide a kernal of insight. Too often we the people act out of emotions rather than thinking a situation through and giving a real and practical response. I mean, what rational practical person votes republican? Meaning, most people vote for a political party rather than a qualified individual. "Oh, HE'S republican? Then I'll vote for him." Disregarding he's spent 12 years in prison for whatever. "Oh, SHE'S Catholic? Then I HAVE to vote for her." Disregarding that the only reason she's Catholic is because her family dragged her to that church on Christmas and Easter and she doesn't know any different. It's not like either one of these examples of people have knowledge or values.

Saying all that prompts me to say this: Be inquisitive as to your nature and make decisions based on thought. Be sure to truly appreciate your friends who tell it like it is. They will argue, disagree, fight and bicker. They will piss you off, be extremely obnoxious and take you to your very wits end. But keep that weekly date for dinner, hooch and cards. Those are some of the most insightful and valuable times you'll ever have.

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