Thursday, May 31, 2007

Top Ten Reasons Skidmark's Gay

This is not an 'outing' or a message of disapproval of a lifestyle.

Because the commuters clamour for it,

and because Skidmark likes to push my buttons


10) Active participation in a conversation on women's shoes.

9) He was very interested and made knowledgable contributions to a conversation regarding women's hair products.

8) He was very embarassed (perhaps even devastated) and extremely self-conscious for an entire day when he discovered his shoes didn't match his belt.

7) Hair products, hair products, hair products.

6) He squirms the most during beer bottle tricks.

5) Even his wife calls him Man Bitch, Mangina and Munt.

4) He shaves his stomach

3) He asked everyone "Can you tell I lost 6 lbs.?"

2) He's envious of the sexual habits of a gay household.

And the number one reason why Skidmark is gay:

1) At multiple times and with many witnesses, he has said "I'm gay."

Do you need more?

A) Oddly enough, he always wants to sit next to me on the train - even though I've told him "No, means No."

B) At times he's been known to put his crotch up very close to my face (ostensibly to look out the window of the seat behind us).

C) Like a bitch in heat, he's often turning his ass in my direction--presenting, if you will.

D) He likes to make small talk - endless small talk - almost like a nervous chatter - and always about nothing important. Picture shy school girl and varsity football player - "So, um, do you like chewing gum?" only his small talk is about the speed or timeliness of the train.

E) Even his wife, perhaps sensing that Skidmark needed an 'outlet,' has sold his ass to me for a cigarette.

1 comment:

IronHorse said...

10 Reasons Chuck Is Not Gay

10) He does not wear pink.
9) He drinks domestic beer.
8) He likes boobies - on women.
7) He does not use hair products.
6) He does not shave anywhere.
5) He thinks that Babs is not a talented artist.
4) He listens to country music.
3) He eats at truck stops and not for the "hawt" truckers that frequent such places.
2) He doesn't own a flower shop.
and the #1 reason Chuck is not gay:
He spent most of his time in army bases while enlisted in the navy.

Now these ten items may not be enough to convince you, however, when the "gay" guy has groped more women on the MARC train than the collective group of heterosexual males, one has no choice other than to conclude that Chuck is NOT gay.